get in touch with ex or not?

LegacyUser

So I was with a girl for 3 years. she was my first love. I based my sense of identity on her. But sadly she dumped me three years ago. She done it by text message which i took pretty badly. I insulted her a little bit because i was angry, but deep down I knew the relationship was not working. Anyway eventually her mother and father got involved and even threatened me for insulting her. I stopped contact with her anyway and havent talked to her in over 3 years.

but im at the stage now where im contemplating being more mature about it. we tend to see each other a good bit on nights out and we each act like the other doesnt exist. I guess the message i was going to send her was something along the lines of "its ok if you still hate me but wouldnt it make more sense to be at leat civil to each other. we were a big part of each others lives at one stage. the least we can do is say hi to each other."

I'm not looking for anything out of this, I just genuinely feel like ive moved on and that it'd be a shame to go on behaving like this in each others company. Is it a terrible idea to say this to her for example in a facebook message?

Meauldsegosha

Leave it alone. It's only going to open up old wounds for both of you.

Would there be any benefit to contacting her? Probably not. You're still only getting over her.

I'm curious about the insulting. Did the parents get involved over a single one or was it conducted over a period of time?

Neyite

I insulted her a little bit because i was angry, but deep down I knew the relationship was not working. Anyway eventually her mother and father got involved and even threatened me for insulting her.

You come across as aghast that someone would deign to stop you from harassing their daughter - especially if she was young at the time, why wouldn't they? Your use of 'eventually' indicates that you 'insulted her a little bit' for quite a while before they got involved to tell you to leave her alone. You sound like you are still minimising your actions, and nowhere in your post have you thought about apologising for the way you 'insulted her a little bit'

A facebook message with your wording is not the best idea. A sincere apology to her face about the way you treated her would probably be a lot better. But it really depends on how badly you behaved, and if she wants to even speak to you again.

giggle84

Neyite wrote: »

A facebook message with your wording is not the best idea. A sincere apology to her face about the way you treated her would probably be a lot better. But it really depends on how badly you behaved, and if she wants to even speak to you again.

Agree with this. The message you've outlined above sounds really defensive and I don't think you'll get a good response, if you get one. If you're going to bring this up at all I think I would do it in person.

LegacyUser

Just because you were a big part of each other's lives at one point doesn't mean you owe each other anything now. She's not obliged to be civil to you on nights out or even talk to you at all. People are entitled to move on without looking back.

Also, why are you still harbouring hopes of contacting this girl three years after she broke up with you? Have you moved on?

kylith

Neyite wrote: »

A facebook message with your wording is not the best idea. A sincere apology to her face about the way you treated her would probably be a lot better. But it really depends on how badly you behaved, and if she wants to even speak to you again.

She treated him pretty badly too, ending a 3 year relationship by text.

I'd say the best course is to just leave her alone. Both parties have acted badly. Just put it behind you and move on.

Neyite

kylith wrote: »

She treated him pretty badly too, ending a 3 year relationship by text.

I'd say the best course is to just leave her alone. Both parties have acted badly. Just put it behind you and move on.

True. Ending it by text is never a good move.

Sephiroth_dude

Keep moving forward and just forget it, no good will come of contacting her.

MissFlitworth

its ok if you still hate me but wouldnt it make more sense to be at leat civil to each other. we were a big part of each others lives at one stage. the least we can do is say hi to each other

Noooo. Don't send that. Jesus, even if you did want to start talking to her again that's like the start of a fight right there. It was 3 years ago, it sounds like you guys were pretty young if parents got involved in the break up. If you want to say hi to her, keep it light say hi to her in person without sending a passive aggressive, lecturing, 'deep & meaningful' text. It's way over dramatic and likely to get a bad response arriving out of the blue after 3 years.

circadian

Next time you see her and you catch her eye, just smile and say hello then go about your business.

Don't mention the past and don't drag anything up.

She may respond, she may not.

LegacyUser

As someone who went through a VERY similar breakup as it sounds like your ex did - he harrassed me, insulted me, my parents had to step in, I cannot emphasise enough how much I NEVER want to hear from him again. She owes you nothing, you owe her nothing, and to bring it all back up again is completely unnecessary. It sounds like a part of you still has feelings for her if you're even contemplating this..Also, sorry to say this, but if you insulted her to the point her parents got involved, she probably experienced a stress regarding the situation that she won't want to relive. Again, take it from someone who's been on the receiving end... don't do it.

piperh

I wouldn't be sending a message or text. If you bump into her or happen to be in the same place smile say hi and nothing else. She probably won't respond the first time or even the second or third but eventually she may be in a place where she realises you have changed and respond with a hi back. It will take time and patience but it sounds like thats the least you owe her.

IlmoNT4

I dont think you have moved on OP... why do you want to contact her?

Leave it alone and if you do see her out and about, just say Hi and leave it at that.

tara73

loulou2009 wrote: »

I dont think you have moved on OP... why do you want to contact her?

Leave it alone and if you do see her out and about, just say Hi and leave it at that.

yeah, you said you moved on, but you havn't. why the urge to open a thread about it if you have moved on?

next time you see her, say hi, if you think you want to do it out of politeness. but be prepared she wouldn't say anything back and keeps ignoring you.

after 3 years, just move on and lay your eyes on other girls:)