Do I let her go, or do I chase her?

djburchgrove

Hi Guys,

Got some pretty sound advice in here (on the same girl) once before so I thought I'd ask again.

So I visited this girl in Canada last October, things went really well, we got to know each other on a different level but didnt get romantic, as she was in a tough place at the time, and I didn't want to press her, knowing she wasn't in the right frame of mind for my advances.

Fast forward to March, and this Girl visits me in Dublin, stayed with me, she developed feelings for me and we had a quite romantic second week, basically acting like BF and GF. We agreed that there was no clear route for us working out as she was leaving, and we said we would return to being just friends. However as I dropped her off at the gate in the airport, we said our emotional goodbyes. I turned and went on my way. When I got back to my car, checked my phone and she had actually chased me back through the airport to say some more things and kiss more but she lost me. All very dramatic I know

Anyway, shes back in Canada now, we're talking every day, all day by text and we're slowly returning to our lives. I was okay with this, and as part of this we both obviously will date other people.

She told me she was on a date with someone a few days ago, and my heart ****ing sank! I took some time, reflected and am kind of coming to terms with this. She actually thought I had a date lined up (I didn't), and admitted the same thing happened to her. She works as a waitress in a restaraunt in Toronto, and is far better looking than I, I work from home. Thus she will be on a hell of a lot more dates than I.


I feel stronger about this girl, than any in the last 6/7 years.

So, lets **** everything else aside, f**k work, family, friends etc. for one minute. Do I go to Toronto and chase the girl??? I'd be okay with moving back, but have no VISA at the moment, thus no means of Income If i go.

Any replies appreciated, and thanks for reading this stupidly long message!

Tokyo

To cherrypick your post just a little....

djburchgrove wrote: »

...she developed feelings for me and we had a quite romantic second week,

...We agreed that there was no clear route for us working out as she was leaving, and we said we would return to being just friends....

...shes back in Canada now...and as part of this we both obviously will date other people.

She told me she was on a date with someone a few days ago.

So, lets **** everything else aside, f**k work, family, friends etc. for one minute. Do I go to Toronto and chase the girl??? I'd be okay with moving back, but have no VISA at the moment, thus no means of Income If i go.

Sorry to have to say this, but while there are circumstances where casting aside work, family and friends and chasing a girl halfway across the world might be worth the risk, I don't think that this is one of them - at least not yet. To summarise your above post, you were romantic with each other for a week, no more, and other than a dramatic goodbye, you both resolved to move on with your lives and remain friends, and it seems like she is doing exactly that.

If you do think that there is potential with this girl, it doesn't have to be as dramatic as moving over there with no prospects and hoping for the best. Obviously a lot hinges on whether (a) she still has feelings for you, and (b) she thinks that pursuing the feelings are worth it, rather than just maintaining a friendship, and this requires more than just a couple of conversations on both your parts.

If she does, then it's still only early days, and it's far too early to just up sticks and move over there in the hope of a relationship - in fact, it would probably doom it to failure. She'll feel under pressure to be the girlfriend you want her to be - after all, you moved for her - and you'll resent her if it doesn't work out. What most people would do in those circumstances would be to discuss the possibility of using your vacation time to visit her for a couple of weeks and see how things develop. If those few weeks lead you to both believe that something could develop, then let her visit you next time, and build from that.

djburchgrove

I should probably have mentioned that we were friends for over two years before the October visit.

fermanagh_man

I say go for it, be crazy not to especially after the airport story!

Is it possible for you to move to Canada or vice verca?

kjl

if you work from home, why can't you work from Canada?

Plus it's not like she has some massive career, surely she could get a waitressing job over here.

I'm sure between the two of you, you could make it work.

LegacyUser

Regardless of whether or not you agreed you could see other people, if someone chased me through an airport to declare feelings for me, then told me the following week they'd gone on a date with someone else, I wouldn't follow them to the end of the street, never mind move thousands of miles on the off-chance that they'd suddenly show more respect for my feelings.