Looking for help on behalf of my mum

shoos

My mum is 69 years old, still very healthy and while she has some knee problems that hold her back from being very active, she's still grand for the most part.

The problem is, she doesn't have many friends. She's a great person but I think when she separated from my father, she lost a lot of contacts and her self-esteem suffered from it so she hid herself away for years. She would always say she's perfectly happy with her life as it is but recently, at 69, she's now saying she needs to get out and do something different.

She doesn't work and spends a lot of time in the house and in the garden, but it's not enough for her any more. I know she's been going through a rough time and she needs to get out there and not be left with her own thoughts for days, weeks, months on end.

I'm living abroad at the moment, west coast united states, so it's not easy for me to get home.

I'm on here because I was hoping someone might have an idea of what I can do to help her. I've been recommending classes, groups, but she says she can't see anything of interest to her online and that they're mostly for "old people" haha, I guess she doesn't see herself as old yet.

I feel like it's becoming quite serious, when I call home I can tell she's very emotional and she'll often end up crying on the phone. I have no doubt that she's in a depression, I just feel so helpless when I'm so far away from her and all I can offer her is a phone call.

Thank you!


Edit: I just wanted to add, in case there's anyone reading this who has experience...... the reason for this recent depressive state is from giving up smoking. My mum has been a smoker her whole life and a heavy one at that. She started as an early teen and previous her that her parents were heavy smokers who would smoke around her so you can pretty much guarantee her lungs have rarely been without it.

The only reason she was able to quit was by going on this insanely strong drug. While it worked, and she hasn't touched a cigarette since (6 months ago now), it did something to unbalance her brain and since giving up she says she feels like a different person. I think the shock to her system has set her back into depression (she's suffered it on and off throughout her life). She speaks with the councellors at quit.ie or the one operated by the cancer society. Some of them have been good, others not so good. When she discussed her major depression with one and asked was there anyone else as far as they knew that went through similar after giving up smoking, she was told no. Which just made her feel a hundred times more alone.

She's considering smoking again if it brings her mood back and stablises her, but obviously i would love to see her achieve that without smoking.

Would love to know if anyone has experienced similar or has any advice to help re: the smokes.

MrWalsh

It sounds like you are talking about Champix and it is well known to have mental health side effects. I urge you to get you mum to speak with her GP about this immediately.

caprilicious

Has she tried meetup.com? There's lots of social groups on that, there might be something of interest to her there?

MouseTail

The local Active Retirement Group? She may dismiss it, believing its full of 'old people', but the groups are full of very youthful people aged 65 and over who arrange a multitude of activities.

Giving up smoking can leave a huge gap in peoples lives, she really should speak to her GP.

Birdsong

MouseTail wrote: »

The local Active Retirement Group? She may dismiss it, believing its full of 'old people', but the groups are full of very youthful people aged 65 and over who arrange a multitude of activities.

Giving up smoking can leave a huge gap in peoples lives, she really should speak to her GP.

I would agree with this, my mother is 68 & in her active retired group, and she has such a great social life, its unreal, never at home:)

Neyite

I do a craft class once a week and I love it. There would be a range of ages there, but mostly 40 -70. Its surprisingly quite a social outlet that I wasn't expecting at the time, but I look forward to it every week.

Other avenues to pursue would be charity work - helping those who are worse off can sometimes put things into perspective for us. There are lots of organisations who would love volunteers - she is active so maybe could help older and more infirm pensioners, even if its to pop in for a chat once or twice a week as company for those who don't have any family.

She does need to talk to her GP about the medication. There might be a simple solution that wont involve going back to smoking.