Should I be travelling?!

Elessar

I don't post here often but I'm not sure how to feel about this one - it's something I need to get off my chest.

A old work friend of mine has recently quit her job to go travelling and teach english (she's 25) and I just saw the Facebook status of her heading off. She is a really nice girl and I'm thrilled for her. She was offered a supervisor role in the job but turned it down to go travelling instead. I did have a thing for her too but the feeling wasn't mutual.

It's made me rethink my own life and I'm at a bit of a loss. I'm 29 and work full time, live at home and study in the evenings. My life is fairly regular and comfortable, a bit stale if I'm honest. I'm working hard to get good grades and get a job with more money in my industry. The only thing that is really motivating me in life is money. Almost everything I do now is focused on getting more money.

I've never travelled and never had any interest. But comparing my life now to this young girl I just feel empty. She will be moving into the unknown and most likely, having a blast. I'm quite materialistic and would prefer spending money on a nice car than going travelling. Is this wrong?! Should I be travelling and see the world? I feel a bit out of place. At the moment travelling is far from my mind and I couldn't see myself doing it (out of my comfort zone and all that). But is this wrong?! Am I missing out or something.....it just seems everyone is at it - but I don't think this is a reason to do it in itself.

To be honest I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking. I'm just a bit bummed out

Lux23

I never really travelled, I had no real interest in it. Do you actually want to travel or do you think you should because other people did?

Stavro Mueller

If you've not got any interest in going travelling that's perfectly fine. I never had either and I've never regretted it. Your life though, it does sound a bit joyless. Are you still living at home with your parents at 29 years of age?? Do you have any social life outside of that work/study treadmill you're on? I get that you're ambitious but as you're finding, basing your life around making more money is not making you any happier.

You didn't mention any hobbies or friends you have. Maybe you might start looking into taking up a hobby or reconnecting with old friends as a start. Or treat yourself to something that's not a fancy car. How would you feel about taking a short break to a European city for example? Or doing a weekend cookery course? That sort of thing. There are ways of lifting yourself out of your comfort zone without having to jack in your job and go trekking the earth for a year.

LLMMML

Travelling is a cultural status thing these days, and a lot of value has been placed on it by young people over the last 15 years. I'm not convinced half of these people really enjoy it. There's a lot of crap you will hear again and again about how it broadens your mind etc. Why not try a few weekend trips to Europe to see if it's your thing?

I wouldn't be too worried about being focussed on getting more money. Again, it's looked down on from a cultural viewpoint as being crass, but if you've spent anytime poor you realise that money is an essential component of happiness.

Is your age and career stage the main factor in making you feel this way? You may feel that after you finish studying you're locked into a career path that you can't take a year out from. Do you feel this is your last chance? Also the fact that you mentioned that this girl rejected you? Do you perceive your lack of travel, and focus on money was a part of this rejection?

galwayjohn89

I really enjoy travelling. I found it helped me understand the world better and some of my best memories are from travelling. My mate went travelling with me for one trip as part of a group. Hated it. He doesn't travel anymore and I still do. Nothing wrong with him, nothing wrong with me. People like different things. I would suggest trying it once, but I would always say try everything once.

iusedtoknow

Travelling can be fun, but remember to be careful looking at it through facebook. People put their best face forward on there.

I've done the whole back packing thing - once. Hated it. It was miserable, every hostel I met people who made me feel bad as I wasn't "doing it right" in many different ways. It did make me realize what I did enjoy though. I enjoyed looking a bit into the real life of cities and places, rather than hosteling and in the end just meeting with other backpackers.

I still travel, but it is on my own terms. 60% of my travel is for work to places like Shanghai, Mexico city, Cape Town where my colleagues there want to show us a good time in their city, so we end up seeing a side that people generally don't.
For personal travel, my wife and I concentrate on Latin America and go once or twice a year, usually to see her sister in Buenos Aires then a week or two via plane to somewhere else

Travel if you want to, but on your own terms and if you really want to do it - don't think that you "have to" travel to be a well rounded person.

homemadecider

Why do you still live at home if you're working full time? That might be the first step you need to take to feel independent.

Elessar

Thanks for the replies:

Lux23 wrote: »

I never really travelled, I had no real interest in it. Do you actually want to travel or do you think you should because other people did?

I think it's mostly because other people do. At the same time I feel like maybe I'm missing out? I'm not sure.

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

You didn't mention any hobbies or friends you have. Maybe you might start looking into taking up a hobby or reconnecting with old friends as a start. Or treat yourself to something that's not a fancy car. How would you feel about taking a short break to a European city for example? Or doing a weekend cookery course? That sort of thing. There are ways of lifting yourself out of your comfort zone without having to jack in your job and go trekking the earth for a year.

Yeah you're right, I do have a core group of friends who I would meet up with once a week or fortnight for drinks, and I used to be involved in a charity but I don't have much time anymore due to college and work. To be honest time is against me while in college, it's a pretty intense course (16 hours a week ontop of a 45 hour work week) and I've another two years to go. I just feel that I'm getting older and maybe I should have or should do these things like travel, you know? It's almost like a pressure and a regret, but one that's not of my making, if that makes any sense.

LLMMML wrote: »

Travelling is a cultural status thing these days, and a lot of value has been placed on it by young people over the last 15 years. I'm not convinced half of these people really enjoy it. There's a lot of crap you will hear again and again about how it broadens your mind etc. Why not try a few weekend trips to Europe to see if it's your thing?

I wouldn't be too worried about being focussed on getting more money. Again, it's looked down on from a cultural viewpoint as being crass, but if you've spent anytime poor you realise that money is an essential component of happiness.

Is your age and career stage the main factor in making you feel this way? You may feel that after you finish studying you're locked into a career path that you can't take a year out from. Do you feel this is your last chance? Also the fact that you mentioned that this girl rejected you? Do you perceive your lack of travel, and focus on money was a part of this rejection?

She always knew I was interested and I did ask her out, but it was a no and got a bit awkward. We're still friends though after talking it out. Maybe the fact I had a thing for her is a factor in all this. Maybe it's a bit of envy aswell? The fact she has the courage and ability to do this and seemingly no limits on what she can do now. Maybe she'll come back a changed person? Maybe I'll be the same. I'm not sure if I'm ok with that.

homemadecider wrote: »

Why do you still live at home if you're working full time? That might be the first step you need to take to feel independent.

Honestly, money and convenience. I can't afford to move out and pay for college and the other bills I have, and living at home is handy and convenient (dinners cooked etc.) - I do plan to move out eventually, but only after I get my degree and get a good paying job and get a few years savings in the bank.

I'm probably ranting on a bit, but her departure has really made me think about my life and where I'm going and what I should be doing. Getting it out is cathartic though!

Pawwed Rig

If your motivations are solely about money I can see why you are asking these questions. You seem to be lacking fulfilment that people get from travelling/working/studying/family etc. Money cannot provide that fulfilment.

mapaca

A lot of good points made so far, OP, I think you might be feeling stuck in a rut. Your life sounds like it's all work and no play at the moment so no wonder you're looking at someone else's exciting plans and feeling envious.

Maybe planning a trip away for yourself would give you something to be excited about? You could go backpacking to Australia for a year, or you could go somewhere hot and lie on a beach for a week. Or go snowboarding. Or visit Roman ruins. There's TONS of different places to go and see, find something that interests you and draws you in!

jacksie66

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baby and crumble

I get what you mean, OP. lots of my friends have headed off at various times and done the travelling thing, and yes, it's easy to be envious when you're stuck at home with nothing to do looking at pictures on Facebook. But like someone else said, don't for a second think that Facebook is a real reflection of life. It isn't.

All I can do is tell you that when I was 17, myself and a friend went Interrailing around Europe. I didn't really enjoy myself. Then, when I was about 23 I went again, but did it differently. I'm not a person who can just have a train ticket and then on a whim in the station decide where to go. I have to have everything planned. So the 2nd time that's what we did, and I abso loved it. Turns out I just like a specific type of travelling. One with a distinct plan. I'm not an "on a whim" kind of person, and that's ok. I love taking city breaks and going on holidays but the whole "travelling to find myself" backpacking rubbish really irritates me. So I just do a different kind of travelling.

Don't feel like you have to do something just because everyone else is. If you want to give it a go, I do highly recommend Europe by train. It's fascinating, it's a comfortable way to travel and you meet plenty of locals and interesting people that way, if that's your thing. Plus if you decide halfway though you hate it the. You just book yourself a flight home from wherever you are, or hope the next train bridge home through the UK. You're back home in less than a day.

thegreatgonzo

Elessar wrote: »

.

I've never travelled and never had any interest...... At the moment travelling is far from my mind and I couldn't see myself doing it (out of my comfort zone and all that). But is this wrong?! Am I missing out or something.....it just seems everyone is at it - but I don't think this is a reason to do it in itself.

(

I adore travelling myself. I'd happily go anywhere new, whether it's only a nondescript parish a few towns over or a city on the other side of the world, I'm always interested in having a look around. It's always been easy for me, I don't get travel sick, I can eat anything and could sleep on stones. Since I was about 5 or 6 I knew I wanted to go to places like Africa and Asia and see things for myself. As I got older right up until my 30's I really had a compulsion to go places, there's even a word for it, dromomania:) I feel it less acutely now but one of the ways I relax is to look at maps and create journeys for myself.

If you felt any of what I have described I would say yes, you are missing out. But if you don't then you would be daft to force yourself to do something you are not sure you want. It's not for everyone and that's no bad reflection on you or anyone else. There are a lot of downsides to travelling over long periods, hostels can be filthy, the people using them can be utterly obnoxious, sometimes you haven't a clue what you are eating and you just hope it isn't a cat.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of fun in your life at the moment but you don't need to go travelling to have that. Find some hobbies and interests and take it from there is my advice. I think it's great that you are studying and doing well with your job because thanks in part to my wandering 20's, I'm playing catch up now in my 30's. I can't complain because I had my fun but I also wish I had managed to get my qualifications a bit earlier too.

castaway_lady

Longterm travelling clearly isn't for you, not right now anyway. There's nothing wrong with having career building as a priority. As regards money, it sounds like you have a bit of an issue here, if you grew up in an environment where money was tight &/or watched carefully then this influences how we see money. You seem to prioritise accumulating it now and have a pathway youre working towards this end. That's great in terms of the rest of your life BUT you're just gone too far in one direction- that's why you're feeling unsettled.
You don't need to quit life as you know if to backpack to far flung lands to satisfy this aspect of life and yea by staying home all the time you are missing out on a big wide world with some great places. But book a holiday, gather brochures for a few weeks, what can you afford and balance these with a good trip, even a week will give you experience and perspective if you plan it right. And it definitely doesn't have to break the bank to do this.
I never travelled in my 20s, I career built and saved and anyway had nobody to travel with, but one week on a sun holiday in Europe got me hooked. I only ever get away for 5-8 days as I work a fulltime and part time job and study along with balancing a relationship, but a few of these trips a year keeps me going. You'll regret seeing no place and money in the bank will only bring you a certain amount of contentment, experiences are crucial to living- it doesn't have to be all or nothing! But having specific travel goals as rewards makes the struggles of progressing in life, while living life worth the work.

Faith

I don't think you need to go travelling, but I do think you need to start living your life. You're 29 and voluntarily living at home because you get your meals cooked for you. You should be living independently and learning to stand on your own two feet. Money is all well and good, but it's no use to you if you have no life to go along with it! You said:

I do plan to move out eventually, but only after I get my degree and get a good paying job and get a few years savings in the bank.

So you'll be, what, 35 with a few grand in the bank. So what? You'll have had absolutely no life experience! When you're old and you look back at your youth, will you think "Gosh, I'm glad I lived such a boring* life and never embraced my youth and independence, instead choosing to take the safe and easy path and just save my pennies"?

In some ways, going travelling would be a great idea because it would throw you in at the deep end, but because of your current commitments, I'd start with just living the life you have right now.

*That's not an insult, I'm inferring from your posts that you feel that your life is dreadfully boring.

dellas1979

Its all fine posters on here gushing they love travelling, but maybe you dont. That is for you to find out.

If you want to explore if you like to travel, maybe dip a toe in.

People compare how their lives are going. People in various ways can have equal enjoyment (its all in the mind OP).

If that means sitting somewhere and doing a cross word, great. If it means jumping off a cliff, great. Or skiing down a mountain, great. Doesnt mean you are living a boring life (if you dont do these things). People always want more and more of this stuff, and they never "get there".

All I can tell you is that by 20, Id lived in a few different countries, and travelled around various countries. I enjoyed it, but travelling didnt exactly float my boat. Didnt see the big deal. In my 20s, I worked very hard when everyone went off to Oz and these places (Id no interest). I worked hard. Then went back to college like you. The way I always thought (about travelling) is if I want to go travelling, Ill be determined to go and Ill make it happen".

Turns out, by the age of 32, I was ready (this could be any age. You could be 82, and if the time is right for you). And I wanted to explore. Oh...the holidays Ive had (a month in some places). I enjoyed it more, because I was ready (not when someone said I was ready).

Wompa1

baby and crumble wrote: »

I get what you mean, OP. lots of my friends have headed off at various times and done the travelling thing, and yes, it's easy to be envious when you're stuck at home with nothing to do looking at pictures on Facebook. But like someone else said, don't for a second think that Facebook is a real reflection of life. It isn't.

I've been in the US for just over three years and I'll tell you a dirty little secret. I'm also stuck at 'home' looking at pictures on Facebook some of the time too. Don't worry about it. You get into the same old routine whether you're here there or anywhere.

Travelling for fun would be different though. If you're 'traveling' as in moving somewhere and working full time, it's really not much different to live in Ireland

athtrasna

Travelling doesn't have to be months long or a year out. I'm busy exploring the world in stints of 2/3 weeks. It will take me a lifetime to see everything I want to but that's the fun part.

I never did the year out thing and it means now that I can see the world in comfort