confused

ashisback15

So after Christmas I joined POF yes I know what your thinking, so anyway relationships weren't working out so I thought id give it a try. My first week on the site I meet this guy he was a fireman and we meet that night went back to his house and hanged out for a while went to his work and stuff really enjoyed his company and we meet again a few more times till one day he just stopped talking to me and I forgot about him.... Then I meet this other guy that I liked but all he wanted was sex I didn't want to so we just hanged out and I did do it with him and kinda started to like him.... but the first guy has gotten back in touch and we meet up yesterday and now all my feelings I had for the first guy has all come back and I just don't know what to do... first guy never has pressured me into having sex unlike guy number two I have even got back on birth control as I don't trust him just afraid that guy number one might lose touch again.... so confused with my feelings

miamee

You like the first guy...try to find out why you both stopped contacting each other and see what happens there. You don't appear to have much interest in the second guy so why are you spending time with him and sleeping with him?
There is if course secret option number three...choose neither of them. You're not really interested in either of these men but since one is treating you better than the other you've decided you really like him. At least that's what I've read into your post

ashisback15

First guy had a death in his family and was studying as well I should have added that in too... oops been a long day...

blatantrereg

First guy disappearing is more than understandable in the context. Sounds like you like him and are comfortable with him, and that he is nice to you.

The thing you have with the second guy doesn't sound good. You don't trust him and appear to be a bit intimidated. It doesn't sound like something to continue one way or another.

Very straightforward. Stop seeing guy number 2. Start seeing guy number 1.

castaway_lady

Firstly maybe not the best idea in the world going to the house of someone you meet online on night one.

The fact that you've mentioned guy two pressurising you into sex should tell you he has to go. And keeping him in the picture incase guy 1 disappears again not good for you and is a bit worrying- that is not near a good enough idea to hang onto a guy with whom you can identify issues.

If you have the chance keeping seeing guy1, but keep online dating in general too so that you keep your options open and stop any of them so soon as the ideal.

Stavro Mueller

I think you should exercise caution with both of these guys. Guy 1 (The Fireman) disappeared without even sending a text. I know it was very early days and the death (if there was one) may have been upsetting for him. Still, it would've been good manners to send a quick text at some stage to say there had been a family death and he'd be in touch. I'm wary of people who vanish off the face of the earth then resurface again. So if you decide to give him another chance be on your guard.

Guy 2 - I'm not sure what good can come of being with him. He made it clear from the start that he wanted sex. Are you sure it's wise to be sleeping with him when you don't sound like you're 100% comfortable with it? You said you don't trust him and you know he only wants you for sex. You've got to ask yourself why are you trying to convince yourself to stay with someone who you don't particularly like? Are you so desperate for a man that this second one is better than nothing?

I think you should set some standards for yourself. Not princess syndrome type ones but some very ordinary ones. Such as staying away from guys pressuring you for sex. Ones who only want you because you're female and have a pulse. Ones who mess you around. By all means give the fireman another chance. If you think he is a messer or has only come back because there's nothing better for him just now then get rid.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

woodchuck

Why do you want to be with either of these guys?

Guy 2 is using you for sex.

Guy 1 dropped you. I get that there were circumstances involved, but he obviously didn't respect you enough to explain them at the time. It takes less than a minute to reply to a text. It's up to you if you want to give him a second chance, but I'd exercise extreme caution if I was you.

To be honest it sounds like you have very little self respect. Maybe you need to work on respecting/liking yourself more before you can expect a man to?

Idle Passerby

I think you are not in the right mindset to be online dating at all. You need to be able to tell the difference between the genuine people and the messers and not be afraid to tell the latter where to go.

Guy number one might be genuine but Id take him with a pinch of salt, he's already let you down once so that doesn't bode well. Guy number two is unashamedly a messer, he's not offering what you are looking for so why entertain him at all?

It reads that you are afraid to be alone and are willing to settle for the best of a bad bunch. That's not a great starting point for dating of any variety.