Think I made the biggest mistake of my life

TeamJesus

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years because I felt like I had to make a decision about the rest of my life that I wasn't ready for.

I'm 24 and he is 30 so I felt like I couldn't waste his time any more. We had moved in together last year and we never seemed to have any fun any more and I started to get very down about our relationship.

I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and I convinced myself that I needed to experience being single.

I built myself for the breakup and did it and it was so hard but I'm a determined person and forced my way through it.

Initially I felt so relieved because I ha finally made a decision.

Then I started to feel sad so I signed myself up to go on a work trip with a load of people I didn't know. I was so nervous about this that it distracted me.. But now I'm back and contemplating a life without him... I never thought it was possible to miss someone this much.

Should I contact him or leave him alone? I feel like I've hurt him so much that I can't mess with his head like this.

Kidchameleon

If your 100% sure it was a mistake then yes contact him. Your only 24 we all make mistakes. But be prepared that he may have moved on. If he has then leave him be.

TeamJesus

I'm still not 100% sure because my mind is constantly twisting and turning and saying what if I hurt him again. I can't hurt him twice I can't be cruel to him.

How can I feel this way I've never been so confused about a decision I think I will regret this forever but how do I know for sure that I will I cant trust my own mind.

Kidchameleon

You say the work trip distracted you, you were gonna have to deal with your emotions sooner or later, seems like now is the time. Look, it was a huge decision to make, were you 100% sure when you were going through with the breakup? You must have had your mind made up to move out etc.

Just make sure you don't hurt the guy twice. Take your time and get your head together.

orthsquel

TeamJesus wrote: »

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years because I felt like I had to make a decision about the rest of my life that I wasn't ready for.

What was that decision about the rest of your life that you weren't ready for?

I think you should leave him alone. You run the risk that what you're feeling right now, post work trip, is just you missing what you had post break up, but it might not be your real feelings about the relationship, about what you want, or about him, and that contacting him now while your head is all over the place is just messing him around unnecessarily.

Give yourself some space and time. Sort out your head and your emotions. Then, if you still feel that you have made a mistake in break up, that you do not want to be single at all but rather in a relationship with him, with making a decision about the rest of your life and are ready for that, then contact him and see where things can go. If, whatever that decision that you weren't ready for was about, or any of the rest hasn't changed, then leave him be and move on.

In any case, I think you should try and move on.

tara73

what were the reasons you broke up with him? there must be things which didn't fit between you and now you havn't seen him presumably for a longer time this things are not that present anymore and you might only think of his positives?

I was once in a similar emotional situation like you with an ex boyfriend. I was dwelling a long time about getting together again or not but then the 'bad things' about him and how I felt always came back to my mind and my conclusion was though I liked him a lot and he felt so familiar, we weren't really compatible so I left it.

you have to go by your heart and feelings. Ask yourslef honestly: is it just you're feeling alone and you want him back for that or do you want him as a person back with all his flaws too?

Stavro Mueller

What jumped out at me was your age and the length of the relationship. You've been with him since you were 18 so you've not experienced adult life as a single person. With this breakup you not only lost your boyfriend but also your way of life.

It's not for nothing you broke up. It's very easy to don rose-tinted glasses now but you must've had very valid reasons at the time. What's telling is that when the break-up happened, you felt so relived. Why do you think that was? Was it simply because you'd reached a decision or was there more to it? You did say you weren't happy, felt down, that you weren't having fun any more. What about that 6 year gap between you? Was that ever an issue? Or the fact that you got together so young and may have changed as people over the following half dozen years?

Nobody can tell you for sure whether you've made a genuinely bad mistake or whether it's just jitters. I think spending more time thinking about the relationship and why you felt you had to break up may throw up some answers. For now I think it'd be better to leave your ex alone.

Merkin

Leave him alone.

You say you were miserable in the relationship but regardless of that, breaking up with someone after that long is tough because of course you'll have residual feelings. I've been there. Don't reinstate contact for security/comfort/hornyness/boredom because you'll merely protract an inevitably painful but necessary period. You've cut him loose now so just bide your time, work through the angst and don't put either of you through the headfcuk of dating when it's clearly over.

TeamJesus

Thanks everyone for your advice. Orthsquel we were about to take out a lease on an apartment for another year and the decision I felt had to make was to settle down with him, we were becoming as good as married. I felt that I owed it to him to make a decision about my commitment to him for life seeing as he was 30.

I have had some sleep now and feel a bit better, I knew I would be upset but I didn't think the bouts of sadness would include absolute blind panic over and doubt, I was hoping at least that I could say I was happy with my decision as that would have made it easier.

Although I think you are right in saying that I only think about good things now, my mind seems to have decided to block out the reasons I had at the time.

mapaca

How long has it been since you broke up? Six years is a long time to be with someone, especially when you got together so young. A break up can feel like a bereavement and it will take time to get over him. Give yourself time to process all these feelings, of course it is natural to have doubts.

DoYouEvenLift

You don't know what you want so leave him alone. You were miserable in the relationship and ended it and then decide you miss him and want to contact him again. For what? To try again? You can't just yo-yo people's emotions around like that so, unless he makes contact with you himself, live with the consequences.

El_Duderino 09

I agree with a lot of what starvo muller said. You broke up with him and felt relieved. That's telling.

Also consider what would happen if you ask to get back with him and he jumps at the chance. Would you really respect him like before?

On the other hand you were quite young getting into the relationship so it's natural to wonder about what you were missing out on.

TeamJesus

I will leave him alone. I would never be cruel to him.

Thank you everyone I know this is the sane advice I need when I'm feeling so emotional.

The fact that no one has said to contact him is enough reassurance for me.

El_Duderino 09

TeamJesus wrote: »

I will leave him alone. I would never be cruel to him.

Thank you everyone I know this is the sane advice I need when I'm feeling so emotional.

The fact that no one has said to contact him is enough reassurance for me.

Fair play TG. You'll be out having new experience and enjoy life in a few weeks. When you're having a good time, out of the blue you'll find someone you're even more compatible with.

zeffabelli

What you are experiencing is grief.

If you weren't sad, then that would be bad...that would mean there was nothing good about the relationship.

Sorry you are sad OP. Endings are sad.