Want a simple church wedding, advice please?

willsmartphone

Well I proposed to my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago after being together for over 8 years. We haven't announced our engagement yet because we don't want to deal with the questions about when's the big day going to be etc. We were talking about the wedding recently and just wondering are they possible and need a bit of advice.
Well it is important to both of us that the wedding will be in s local church because both our parents weddings were there and we do like our religion but we wouldn't lead our life by the bible.
We did tell the local priest about our idea and he had no problem with it.
Our plan is to invite everybody to our engagement party at 5.30/6.30 Friday/Saturday evening in December.
We will have a simple church ceremony and we also love Christmas so have Christmas trees/lights/ffestive spirt is important to us more so than a view/mountains/etc in the background.
This will be followed by a trip to a local restaurant for a four course meal which we plan on booking out for the evening. (Owner said it was possible) It's a good restaurant and we plan to leave the menu as it is so everybody can get what they want. We also want to have an open bar.(Wine isn't really drank by our friends/ffamily)(We also know that nobody will abuse this)
Other elements.
Photographer: Don't want one we hate forced photos and we are very shy and can never pose for a photo so we plan on giving everybody disposable cameras to see on how people catch the day from there prospective. Also my brother has a very good camera. Which will do the job. We'd like to do our own wedding album. It wouldn't be perfect but it would be us.
Flowers. Keep it simple.
Bestmen/Bridesmaids: Don't want any. Is it possible?
Cake: plan on making it ourselves. We both enjoy baking.
Cars: We both can drive.
Hair/Make up. She never wears much make up so she doesn't want to get a makeup artist. For her hair. She said it depends on what type of dress she gets but she's happy to do it herself.
Hen/Stag The most we'd every do with maybe a meal or drinks with our friends. We find them a bit tacky to be honest.
Clothes. She plans in buying a simple dress (mmight not be a wedding dress)Doest want a viel/hair piece etc. I'm planning on wearing either a dark blue or beidge Trousers, waist coat and a shirt. Suits don't really suit me and I wouldn't feel comfortable in one.
Rings: local jewellerys simple silver/platinum bands.
Favours: Something Christmasy.
Evening entertainment. We plan on having an Ipod dock for music and getting a comedian. Nobody in our families really dance.
Guests Will be mainly family and a few friend's. Most people live localy so overnight accommodation isn't a problem. Those coming a distenceinte for the engagement party we plan on inviting to stay at ours.
We do plan on giving our mothers notice about 10 days. To get a mother of the bride/groom outfit. But they'd keep our secret.
We don't want our wedding to be this perfect expensive day that is planned for months/years which costs a fortune and inviting loads of people we barely know. Will it work and any advice?
Thanks.

Pistachios & cream

It sounds like a lovely idea. There are one or 2 things to take into consideration though.

1) will people think it a bit odd to go to an engagement party in a church?
2) Some people might not make an effort for an engagement party. Especially as christmas is such a hectic time for people. Just be aware of this and perhaps tell people you plan to go for a meal and so need numbers forthe restaurant.
3) Disposable cameras are a bit of a waste as they tend to give a very poor return (it was mentioned on another thread). DO your friends and family have smartphones? There is an app that allows people to share their pictures with you and other guests. This might work better.
4) You dont need a bestman and bridesmaid but you do need witnesses. You need to know who they will be when you register your intent to marry.

Best of luck with it

willsmartphone

Thanks.
We would be inviting everybody for a meal at X X X at a certain time and the church is about 3 a minute walk. We'll just tell them when they get there. ( I do think most pepole will go, we actually don't want to put people under a lot of finial pressure) I.e clothes, hair make up. Etc
We'll have a talk about the cameras.

PhoenixParker

I agree with ahayes84 on two and three.

I wouldn't do it in December because it's a busy time of year and unless you say it's a wedding, you may find people either can't make it because something else is on or they'll plan to go to say a works do first and then stop by your engagement party at 10pm. First Sunday of Advent this year is November 29th, so you might get away with November 28th and greatly reduce the risk while still getting some Christmasy flavour? If the church is already decorated for Christmas, you won't need any more flowers except a bridal bouquet if you want one.

Disposable cameras, especially in December when it's dark and miserable (you'll need to use flash which washes everything out), will be a complete waste. I'd look for a photographer who's very relaxed and can keep you comfortable. The good ones can quietly snap away and you'd never notice them. You could also do a first look before the church so that it's out of the way before your guests arrive. He could even capture the moment when you tell the rest of the family, which could make for some interesting photos.

On the bridesmaids/witnesses front. You just need to give the registrar the names & birth days of two people over 18. You can change it on the day of the marriage so there's no need to worry about it. Sounds like putting your mums names down might work.

An Bhanríon

That sounds lovely. One or two things to consider:

If you are having a surprise wedding (I am right that you are going to tell people it's just an engagement party and then have a wedding, yes?) you need to find a way of ensuring people attend. Many people will be expecting that you will have your wedding in the future and may not come to the engagement party. Maybe tell people you are having a tiny wedding abroad (a little white lie) and that the engagement party is the big celebration?

Church service in the evening? Check with your priest if this works. They are busy people. Also, if you want it to be short, ask your priest if you can have a wedding ceremony without mass. Some priests will let you, others won't.

Telling mothers 10 days before - I don't know your mothers, but if they are into their clothes and would love to get a special outfit for the day I'm not sure if this is enough time.

The whole idea sounds wonderful, though. Best of luck with the planning!

Milly33

Sounds perfect.. Well done ye have it planned already. A friend done something similar before where they said it was the babies christening and invited people, then after the christening they surprised everyone and got married. Had a christening/wedding party back at the hotel with everyone who went. I remember talking to one girl who was invited but could not go and she wasn't all, I wish they had told me it was their wedding, it was more of well I couldn't have gone even if it was that so there was no hard feelings.. and they had a great day

To be honest I like yer plan keep it plain and simple, don't tell anyone especially the moms. It may sounds harsh but they are going to spread the word and get all you must do this and you cant do that..

The less people know the better if ye want to stick to yer original plan

You will as above need two witness to sign the reg..

The camera thing alright might be worth taking note with the disposables what PhoenixParker has said. Iphones have better cameras than these. You could always register for one of the wedding pics websites, where you can print out little cards and leave them around then any of your guests that take pictures can upload them onto your special page so ye can all view them..

Neyite

Sounds lovely

Like the others, only observations to add for you to take into consideration:

If she is doing her own make up, its well worth it to go for one of those free trials in the likes of mac or BT. The reason for this is that often, a lot of the make up artists work weddings too, and can recommend make-up specifically for camera use - eg, some foundations with an SPF can have a white-out effect in a photo. This would be especially important if using own cameras, where a photographer might have the equipment to adjust things like that, its unlikely to be a function on even good cameras.

Photography - tbh, most people have a decent digital camera, so forgoing disposables might be an expense you might not need.

I've been at two weddings at Christmastime. One was between Christmas Day and New Year and apart from a bouquet/ button holes, the church and venue were beautiful that time of year. An afternoon ceremony with candles as the daylight is fading could be absolutely gorgeous. A friend was at a 4pm one in an old castle beautifully decorated with fairy lights and candles and said its was stunningly beautiful.

The other was a boardsie friend who got married on New Years Eve. From a guest point of view it was wonderful - you get to also celebrate New Year with no queuing either at a bar or venue, no crowds, no freezing in line for a taxi, no waiting ages for one to get you home, just toddle upstairs to the hotel bed on your own steam. Again, the venue was beautiful that time of year.

For the favours, something christmassy could be a really nice tree ornament. I've some porcelain ones that were given as gifts and treasure them.

Best man /Bridesmaid? I don't plan on having any bridesmaid and likewise if my partner wants to nominate someone as a best man then grand, equally he doesn't have to, but they can wear what they like.

Like you, I love the restaurant idea, I want similar myself, and I've keen bakers in the family so have already nominated them for that side of it.

The only sticking point in your plan is when to tell people. I would give people a couple of months instead as some people go away for part of Christmas to in-laws and such. How many in numbers are we talking here?

willsmartphone

Thanks for the advice.
Well we are both from farming backgrounds. So events in December are almost encouraged. Due to work during summer months etc. Nobody has kids either.
If everybody doesn't show up we'll get over it. Most people live within 15 miles of the wedding so people will probably text them at the church to turn up for the meal. But most will turn up.
We decided to give our mams notice because both my siblings are gay and it will be her only chance to do the mother of the groom thing in a church. They also would be very Sound about keeping it secret. Both our mothers would just like to have a hat/ddress. They wouldn't be total divas. (My mother bought her dress two days before her wedding)
We'll have to work something out about the photos. One thing we're certain of is we don't want a photographer.
Numbers wise about 40.

painauchocolat

Sounds gorgeous! Only one suggestion regarding photography. I also detest having my photo taken and was adamant that I didn't want a photographer at our wedding, but changed my mind after someone pointed out I'd possibly be left with no decent photos at all! Snaps from odd angles with bad lighting,, taken on phones aren't guaranteed to be of the quality you'd print. In the end, we met a really relaxed professional photographer who did a practice session with us to help me be a bit calmer about it on the day. Wound up with dozens of great photos (and not a single proper photo from any guest!)

An Bhanríon

I love the idea of somebody running out the door when they get a text to say you are getting married and not just having an engagement party!

As regards the photographer, we didn't have one for our wedding. We did get some nice photographs but nothing near what a professional would take. We also missed lots of important photographs because we just posed for photographs ourselves and didn't get family to pose for photographs. Now I wouldn't change that for the world as I loved not having a photographer, but it would be worth having a bit of a think about that part of the wedding. Of course, with the smaller number you are having it would be easier to organise the photographs and get all the ones you want. But do make sure you will be happy if the quality isn't great.

willsmartphone

To another poster that was sort of the idea. About going into the church at dusk in candle light and the lights of the churches tree.
in the 8 plus years I've know her and she's bring bridesmaid a few times/ggone to the races/weddings etc. She's only worn make up twice and both times she was pushed into it. So she mighn't even bother.
My brother has a very good camera and is into taking photos. So he might do the photo's. We'll give a think about the photographer.

Gatica

Sounds like you guys have it well sussed! I'm sure it will be a wonderful wedding!

As others pointed out, people might not bother coming if they think it's "only" and engagement party... but if you think that in your area everyone's delighted to join in on an impromptu gathering in winter, then it should be grand.
Definitely don't tell anyone your plan, as people like to share on the QT with x, y and z only, and then those x, y and z do the same thing, and so on... The whole thing about mothers' outfits I think is OTT, I'm sure they'd still wear something nice to your engagement party and since what you want is low key, it should be suited to the occasion anyway.
I also think that if you OH is not keen on heavy make-up, then stay away from make-up counters. It really depends who you get, and and 90% of the time people end up plastered. I had my make-up done for my wedding, and while I enjoyed the pampering it stayed on all day and had great coverage etc, it still didn't feel like myself and a small part of me wishes I'd done it myself. Unless you have very bad skin that you need professional help with make-up, I think one can do one's own just as well and feel ace.

The thing I would definitely encourage you to reconsider is the photographer. It's only a bad photographer that's going to be in your face and telling you to pose. If you get one that's the style you want, they should be able to blend in and take discreet pictures of you and your guests. It's not just the better equipment, but experience, timing and composition of shots that'll make a difference to your pictures.

ABajaninCork

Don't forget you need to give three months notice OP! Other than that? Go for it!!

Mrs OBumble

Sounds ideal- and I really love the comment that you can both drive!

Only thing I could think of that's missing is music in the church. Even if you're not overly religious, a bit of it can make the service nicer. Do you have any musician friends who might do it for free?