Sex addiction treatment

Big Davey

I am posting this for a friend who has mental health issues and asked me to advise them.
With anxiety and depression for 20 years and he has been on medication for 15+ years has abused substances mainly benzodiazepines and Xanax etc and was a nightly big drinker.
It all stems back to sex addiction which he was never treated for he feels.
This is not something I know anything about where could he get help ?
I have heard of the AA and similar for drugs but is there anything for sex addiction ?
Any advice will be passed on.
Thank you.

LadyAthame

People can even become addicted to someone being 'in love' with them or what they think of as love which is more shallow.But in the end those relationships mean nothing to that person. They can base a huge part of their identity on being with that person. It's self depersonalization. Seeing others as things or sex toys also depersonalizes the self. No one can live happily as a sex machine.

Firstly is this a real addiction or simply something your friend has issues integrating into his life?e. Newly published research out of UCLA suggests that "sex addiction" does not fit the definition of other medically-recognized forms of dependence. There is criticism that labeling hypersexuality as an addiction merely stigmatizes sexual behavior that is deemed socially unacceptable. Some feel the sexual addiction diagnostic criteria make problems of nonproblematic experiences, and as a result pathologize a majority of people. I guess the real issue is this, is it making your friend unhappy? Is your friend hurting himself or others etc? Does this person victimize anyone?

From what I understand there is debate about whether it's an addiction or not Sex addicts, in other words, are not simply people who crave lots of sex. Instead, they have underlying problems -- stress, anxiety, depression, shame -- that drive their often risky sexual behavior.

When you think about it you can safely access any type of legal sexual urge without hurting oneself. BDSM ,kink , fetish, paraphillias, Swingers ,fantasy etc etc These can be done safely, if it were about a lot of sex it would not be an issue. It's really about behaviors around sex that stop someone enjoying life. Perhaps shame about sex instead of being open and direct and creating a secret alternative life they see as dirty. Or anxiety etc or fear of intimacy. Mostly I think therapists work to deal with these issues.

It's a lack of awareness of what they are doing or an inability to stop and shame afterwards. Prevention of sexual addiction may involve interventions that enhance self-esteem and self-image, addressing emotional problems. I think sometimes the shame stops people from trying to connect socially with other people.

SAADUBLIN @GMAIL.COM
Sex addicts anonymous. They have a meeting in Dub apparently. To be honest looking at their program I don't know If I believe in it. It seems to be about god and similar to AA. I don't think I would recommend them from looking at the site but I thought I would show it to you.

Sex addiction .ie seems a little better. But a counselor of any type might be able to recommend someone.Some people just do have a strong or 'different' sex drive.

The thing is sex will still have to be a part of this person's life. In fact it's about finding better more meaningful sex. Now what that will be for everyone will differ some people are not meant for monogamy. The issue is really finding a way to curtail harmful behaviors that hurt the person or others such as inappropriate public sexual behaviors or anything that hurts someone without consent.

The diagnosis of sexual addiction is NOT made if an individual engages in fetishistic or paraphillic sexual arousal patterns (e.g., BDSM, cross-dressing), even if these behaviors lead the individual to keep sexual secrets or feel shame, distress or “out of control.”As such, sexual addicts typically spend a much greater amount of time engaged in the pursuit of sex and romance, the process than in the sexual act itself. They are addicted to the neurochemical and dissociative high produced by their intense sexual fantasy life and ritualistic behavior. This is their addiction. Looking at porn and not having sex searching through personals / the net for hrs and having one sexual encounter etc etc. There is a rigid compulsion to it. When sex is not fun anymore or fulfilling.Significant, directly related negative life consequences in life and relationship stability, emotional and physical health concerns, or career and legal problems.

By the way drug-induced compulsive sexual behavior has also been noted clinically in some individuals taking dopaminergic drugs which includes benzodiazepines I can't give medical advice but maybe he could ask.

I do think some people are sexually unique but I think sexuality needs to be experienced in a full healthy way at some point preferably early. I also think most counselors will focus on the rest of his personality and any emotional issues.

If the issue were sex he could arrange a sex life to include most desires. But most feel a huge shame. It's not exactly the sex but the way they go about it. They might spend over half their salary on sex workers or be unable to keep meaningful relationships. Or it can simply be thinking about sex becomes an obsessive intrusive thought.

There are other mental conditions which are associated with out of control sexual behaviors.Some people with Bipolar Disorder engage in high risk sexual behavior during manic states. Some people with Borderline Personality Disorder engage in risky sexual behavior as a general pattern of self-injurious behavior.Some are those who have been sexually abused themselves and are repeating the same pattern in an attempt to gain control over what was not in their control (e.g., their abuse).Some adolescents and young Adults who are intellectually delayed can develop a pattern of compulsive sexual behavior as they have not developed an accurate understanding of healthy sexuality.Substance abusers can also develop sexually addictive behavior either while using, especially stimulants, though the sexual addiction can also develop after they have quit using substances as a 'substitute addiction'.It doesn't really matter what type of sex or how much what matters is this person did not really develop an accurate understanding or healthy sexuality and integrating that into life. It became shut off from their personalty and life.


This type of lifestyle is usually the cause of much heartache for the person and those around them. But I really believe in change, if they want it. But first they have to admit there is a problem and want to change.

zeffabelli

Where you see addiction, there is usually abandonment and betrayal {breach of of trust of some kind...terror moves it into trauma.

The addiction, whether its sex, alcohol or hoarding is protecting them from facing the trauma [which isn't necessarily sexual.

So when you are in constant high alert you look for sensations to change the feeling.

Without a doubt, there is a trauma in there somewhere...needs supervised breakthrough with an addiction or trauma specialist.

Big Davey

Thanks guys they are both very helpful posts I will pass them on.
So he should really talk to his doctor and look for a referral ? Is this type of counselling very expensive ?
I know for a fact any of the AA style meetings bringing God into it are a definite no go for him.
Thank you

ABajaninCork

I think CBT is the way to go. Get your friend to speak to his doctor for a referral.

Magicmatilda

Big Davey wrote: »

Thanks guys they are both very helpful posts I will pass them on.
So he should really talk to his doctor and look for a referral ? Is this type of counselling very expensive ?
I know for a fact any of the AA style meetings bringing God into it are a definite no go for him.
Thank you

Just to clarify reference to God in AA is actually referring to a power greater than yourself, can be Christian god, Allah, a lot of athiests use the idea of the group itself or there own internal survival instinct.

Sleepy

A friend of my father-in-law used Neil Young as his "higher power" so it really can be anything!