Mental health counselling (off my medical record)? <Mod note post #6>

LegacyUser

I've just returned from my life-long gp, and for the €50 (I had to earn €80 to get that after tax) I paid him he was no assistance. Essentially, I've just become a father and for the past 4 months since the birth I've been exhausted constantly and trying to hide from the world. I work in an increasingly stressful job dealing with people and I put on a mask all day but as soon as I come home all I want to do is sleep (and eat crap food) and hide from the world. I'm overwhelmed constantly, and I don't know why. Last summer I was also exhausted all the time but this time I'm exhausted and craving isolation. Every little thing takes enormous effort. I want to get away, I want to be on my own, I want to vanish. These are my strongest emotions. I know I cannot do that now, and I know I cannot leave my wife to do it all. So I need to sort out me asap.

The gp immediately asked do I want to go on an antidepressant <Mod Snip, name will prompt discussion>. I was unsettled that he offered it without discussing things with me. I don't want to be taking medication if I can avoid it. The deciding factor in not taking it, at least at this stage, was that it will go on my medical record. I don't want that, not least because it will make it even more expensive for me to get medical insurance (I'm already suffocating with financial pressure and will already have to find money to buy private health insurance before the 1 May deadline). He said the alternative of drugs is counselling, and when pressed said the type of counselling I should be looking for is a CBT therapist. He had no recommendations so I'm now trying to find one online and, to be honest, it's a maze when you don't know anything about the area or what CBT people do (and my efficiency researching this is not helped by my constant falling asleep with tiredness).

Anyway, my big fear here is the same as with the drugs: can I discuss stuff openly and honestly with a mental health professional without having a record of it? I need insight. I need to come to some awareness of what is wrong with me, how medication could help or hinder me, that things will get better and so much more. But I do not want to be boxed into a label or have a loading put on health insurance because of this.

Is it possible in Ireland to talk with a CBT counsellor with complete confidence and no fear that the meetings or what I say will make an appearance on my medical record?

Another day

There are pluses to meds. They can help to lift and stabilise your moods. Have a look at the Aware website for info on counselling and Life Skill courses. If you go that route there is no record. However, having sought medical assistance will not necessarily go against you especially if if it is a one off. Your GP has offered you 2 alternatives it is up to you which path you go.

LegacyUser

Yes it is possible, I am logged in a guest, but I would recommend MyMind, I went to them before, €50 per session, you can have a few sessions over a few weeks to see what you think...I was told publicly I would be waiting 9 months (at least if i was lucky) and the private situation didn't suit either, as though I have VHI it wasn't covered and had to take place during work hours...

MyMind operate until 8pm and it was easy to get the appointments for 6pm onwards etc, they are based in Ranelagh and by Connolly Station (though I think its only for Polish speakers)

I should add I have no affiliation towards MyMind just to say that they were the right fit for me at that time

Best of luck

Glinda

Are you getting any time to yourself OP? Babies are fantastic, but they are very 'crowdy' and you can easily feel like you are suffocating.

I had recurrent dreams when my first baby arrived that were very odd, but I think you will see a theme:

1. I used to dream that I actually was the baby
2. That I was running/flying down the stairs of a building, light as a feather, putting the baby down at the bottom of the stairs, kissing her goodbye (perfectly happily) and floating off out through the glass doors free as a bird
3. I was constantly daydreaming about escaping to a b&b by myself to do nothing for a few days, just stare out the windows and watch the sea

These were all undoubtedly related to feeling completely overwhelmed, trapped by my new responsibilities and my complete and utter love for the baby and made much, much worse by sleep-deprivation.

In our case the solution was to give each other some dedicated, predictable time off. We each took a morning where the baby was the other person's responsiblity until noon and the off-duty person could do whatever they liked, no questions asked. In our case, my other half more often than not used the time to have a huge lie-in on a Sunday. I used my Saturday mornings to get up and out of the house, maybe get my hair done if needed, maybe just go for a drive or a swim.

It made a huge difference to how we both felt. Previously we had tried to do everything together, which in our case just resulted in everyone being knackered and nobody having any personal space, but all feeling too guilty to ask for any. This distorts your thinking and makes you feel there's no solution and that you're a bad parent for even feeling that way. Once you get a bit of space to relax your head, everything feels much better.

Toots

You poor thing, I'm sorry to hear your GP wasn't much help. Having a baby is a massive upheaval, and often the dad's feelings can be a bit ignored when a new baby comes along. Men can also have 'paternal postpartum depression', so you're not alone.

As far as I know, in Ireland health insurance is on a non-discriminatory basis ie: they don't jack up your premium because you have an existing medical condition. I know when you take out a policy for the first time, you have to serve a waiting period of 'x' months before you can make a claim for something relating to an illness you had before the policy started. So say for example that, god forbid, you had to be treated in a psychiatric hospital, you would have to have had the policy for 'x' months before you could make a claim, because depression was a pre-existing condition. If you happened to fall and break your leg, and then made a claim, your depression would have no bearing on it whatsoever. If you're in any doubt, ring a few companies and ask them about it, to put your mind at ease. Whatever you do, don't avoid getting treatment because you're worried about your health insurance.

I was put on Cymbalta after I had my son, as I had severe post natal depression. I started on a low dose, but it didn't really work for me, and by the end of it I was on the highest dose you can be on. It wasn't until I started counselling (CBT) that I began to improve. I would recommend counselling and CBT 100%, it really changed my life. Just so you're aware, anything you say to your counsellor is completely 100% confidential. I also saw various consultants and psychiatrists in a psychiatric day hospital, and all of what I said there was also confidential.

One of the doctors told me that the only time they may have to tell someone what had been said in the meeting was if I indicated that I intended to harm someone else. You don't have to disclose any of this to your insurance company unless you need to claim for something relating to a psychiatric illness.

If you actually have to see a psychiatrist then they will probably send a report back to your GP (but it'll only be a synopsis, not all the nitty gritty) so that they will have it on file in case it's needed in the future - this will be needed so that the GP can review it if you need to start/stop/change medications. Your GP will have no idea that you are seeing a counsellor unless you specifically mention it to him. In some cases (for example if your counsellor feared that you were at risk of harming yourself) they will ask you can they contact your GP, however they will get your consent before they do this.

From what I've experienced, antidepressants work for some and not for others. In my case they didn't work, but I've got a couple of friends who have been on them a good while and have had very good results. There can be a fair few side effects with them, so it's worth reading up on them and discussing it with your doctor in detail before starting to take them. Cymbalta is made by Eli Lilly in Ireland, and they have a fact page about it. The list of side effects can look a bit terrifying, but it's worth remembering that they have to list literally every single one; you may only get a couple, or none at all. I'd nearly suggest trying a few counselling sessions and discuss it with your counsellor, then see how you feel about it then. Your counsellor will also be able to explain in detail what you can expect from the tablets.

As regards finding a therapist, I found the website for the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy to be very helpful. Some counsellors work on a sliding scale, so if you're struggling financially they charge you less. You'll see on that site that the counsellors' fees are listed, and a lot of them are listed as 'negotiable' so they're used to working with clients to see that they get the help they need, at a price they can afford.

Aware is also a really good resource, and they run free support groups. Groups can be a bit daunting for the first visit, but you don't have to say anything, you can just sit and listen. I found groups helpful, because it helped me to realise that there are other people out there who felt the same way as me, and it gave me a bit more 'acceptance' for want of a better word. They may also be able to help recommend you a therapist, if you're having trouble finding one.

Another thing I'd recommend, if you're under financial pressure, is that you apply for a medical card. It'd certainly be helpful if you need medication, and even if you only get the GP visit card, at least you'd be able to visit the GP when you need to and not have the added stress of having to worry if you can afford it.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Taltos

Mod Note:
Just a gentle reminder to posters not to offer medical advice, doing so will just result in the mods having no choice but to close the thread which is not in the best interest of the OP so please folks keep this in mind.

OP - I have snipped the name of the suggested medication just in case it might prompt others to reply with alternative suggestions.

Thanks and best of luck
Taltos

Neyite

I was on anti-depressants for six months about 14 years ago, and about 12 years ago I had counselling for a six month stint (no idea what type tbh)

But its never been disclosed for work. In fact, I changed jobs shortly after stopping the antidepressants and had to do a medical for the new one, Doc asked me had I any history of mental illness and I told him about my depression diagnosis and treatment. He waved his hand in a way that indicated it was not important and didn't even write it down on the form.

It was during this job that I had my second bout. This time, I told the GP that I'd prefer to try counselling, with the proviso that I'd give it a month and we would review whether or not I still needed medication. The difference this time was that I knew I would eventually be ok and it was a matter of working towards it. But the first time, when I took antidepressants, they did help me a lot. So don't close yourself off to the idea of them, but do either start on the medications prescribed or counselling as soon as you can. It might be that one or the other, or a mix of both might be the best treatment for your illness, but you wont know until you see how you respond, just like any other treated illness.

Both times I was diagnosed, I see its been during times of great upheaval or stress in my life, but, after the counselling, I seemed to develop coping skills so that when the next big stressor came along - and it was a long protracted one, I worked my way through it by myself with no effect on my mental health. I was immensely proud of that.

I'm quite open about it, its never been something that has affected how I've been viewed or treated by those who knew about it. I feel that a mental health issue is no different from another type of medical problem we have. If you had a sore niggle in your tooth, you could ignore it, letting it get worse until it requires a tooth pulled, or you can nip it in the bud and get a small filling. Same for our mind.

You've actually done the hardest part - going to a GP, recognising that there is something wrong that needs medical attention. Sometimes our lives get so busy there is no respite from it, and something like you have described is your body's way of saying slow down. What you've described - a stressful job, plus a brand new baby, a post partum mum, and your life entirely upended, its no wonder you got the slow down signal. I found the first few months of babyhood both exhilarating and terrifying. It was only when the baby was about the age yours is now, where he started to have a bit of a routine, I had gotten to know his cues and what he liked and disliked and I felt like I had my sh!t together. Before then I didnt know my ass from my elbow at times, and I was on maternity leave so didn't have a stressful job each day on top of it too. I wish you the very best of luck and a swift recovery.

Dog of Tears

It sounds trite - but it gets easier,

You're actually nearly out of the worst of it after 4 months.

Pawwed Rig

Dog of Tears wrote: »

It sounds trite - but it gets easier,

You're actually nearly out of the worst of it after 4 months.

If it is depression it does not get easier. Neither does minding a baby. We found the teething stage the hardest.

OP please see this link on recomendations on how to choose a CBT/therapist
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055169338

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I'm not going to comment on whether you need treatment for depression..I don't know.

What I do know is that having a baby takes a lot of you as a father. Having to go to work all day and then be available when you come home to both your wife (whose been alone with junior all day) and the baby.

Wanting some time alone isn't unusual in this situation. You're effectively on call 24/7 and being over-whelmed by it all isn't surprising.

Its important to take some "me" time, whether that's meeting up with some friends, taking a walk on your own or going for a coffee. It will give you back a few minutes of your life without any demands on it from other people.
When I'm out doing the shopping,I go for a coffee for half an hour and read the paper. Its the only time I get to myself with 2 kids but its mine


Dont be under pressure about getting medical insurance. It will still be an option later on (though with an extra cost) but at least its not something you need to deal with now.

pwurple

I'm shocked that your GP didn't do any diagnostic tests whatsoever. I know people who go to the doctor with exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed, and the GP does basic set of tests which will check B12 levels, thyroid or a few other things. Did any of those happen?

Go back and ask for them if not. Same issue, no extra 50 quid required usually.