movie ideas they'll never make

the raven 15

Last night I told my girlfriend a silly movie idea I came up with.
It's like fast n furious mixed with to Wong too.....
Called Drag Racing....

Big black guy in a lime green dress with 6 inch heels driving a hotrod.
I see Terry Crews in it.

She looked at me with a head tilt like a dog being shown a card trick.

What silly ideas have you got that would never get made?

JaseBelleVie

Prequels to the already perfect Star Wars trilogy with a 9 year old Darth Vader, racist aliens and non-sensical plots.

Oh, wait.

Frank O. Pinion

JaseBelleVie wrote: »

Prequels to the already perfect Star Wars trilogy with a 9 year old Darth Vader, racist aliens and non-sensical plots.

Oh, wait.

Oh ho ho, this guy over here, with his jokes...

FloatingVoter

Stalin's life is never getting made. I know Duvall did a TV biopic of kinds but the story of a misunderstood paranoid psychotic who did bank robberies and rose to the top yet still died in his bed.....not to be made.
Hitler won't be getting the biopic treatment either....apologies to Robert Carlyle but which mushrooms were you taking for that one.
Napoleon has been attempted (again on TV) but the scope is too vast - so we're left with individual battle pictures.

That's the three megalomaniacs done - now religion - Christ gets a pass due to the sterling work of the shoes n' sandals brigade back in the 50's....


.....and nobody but nobody is ever going to touch the life of Mohammed. Maybe in shadow puppet form.

Buddha.....man does porn movie, man sits under tree, man gets wise.
....ok, Buddha Unzipped is probably going to be made as a porn movie with added religious extras.

Adamantium

A Richard Branson movie with James Callis (Baltar from BSG) playing the man himself

I read this in a reddit post and thought it was genius.

“Batmens”

You round up everyone who has ever been Batman. They’ve all been invited to Comic Con and are going in their respective getups /vehicles. There is obviously some tension amongst the Batmens, Christian Bale and Michael Keaton are getting too much attention. No one realised Will Arnett was Batman in the Lego Movie and he’s desperately trying to convince the punters. Adam West is senile and doesn’t ever remember being batman. Ben Affleck is given **** for being the newbie. Val Kilmer is happy just to be there.
Then Comic-Con is over run with Terrorists and its up to the Batmens to put aside their differences, team up and save the day.
Tell me you wouldn’t watch that.

The movie should also do a spoof on American Psycho with the whole business-card reveal. They all reveal business cards that say "Batman" on it and Christian Bale goes crazy.

I think it would be interesting if George Clooney actually was Batman and showed up at the end in an actual Batsuit, noticably old like Dark Knight Returns when all hope is lost.

END CREDITS
Ben Affleck as Himself
Will Arnett as Himself
Diedrich Bader as Himself
Christian Bale as Himself
Kevin Conroy as Himself
Michael Keaton as Himself
Val Kilmer as Himself
Adam West as Himself
George Clooney as Batman

errlloyd

I could say "they'll never make a movie where they re-imagine George Washington as a ninja" but they made "Abraham Lincoln - Vampire Hunter" so nothing is sacred.

Bipolar Joe

I always have ideas for movies, usually based on puns or two words that popped into my head for no reason, like Cyber Lamb.

Here's one I thought of a while ago:

Satan meets the love of his life on OK Cupid. She's intelligent, gorgeous, and loves torturing torturing souls. There's only one problem, Satan is going bald.

Satan goes to the surface to find a way to bypass the effects of ageing. He tries spray on hair, plugs, lotions, lasers and various topical creams. Then he finds the perfect wig. Just as he's about to buy it, his arch enemy, The Baby Jesus, steals it out from under his nose! What follows is a cat and mouse chase to get the wig, get revenge on The baby Jesus and meet the woman of his dreams.

This Summer, Satan in......

HELL TOUPEE.

Turtyturd

Black Chicks: Two white guys don make up and prosthetics to make them look like black women and engage in all kinds of stereotypical behaviour.

errlloyd

Had a movie idea a while ago for a kinda psyche thriller based on a message board, sorta like fight club, I guess?

The main character is a split personality, one personality is the real guy, he's the worst possible stereotype of internet hyper-user. His other personality (played by a different actor obviously) is the personality he puts forward on message boards and through his social media profile. In scenes where we see "real" the scene is real, but in scenes where we see "fake" it's kinda surreal, for instance if he is pretending on a message board that he works in a glamorous job, it'll show him working it, if he says he gets on with his fellow employees he will, but if another poster on the message board challenges that in real life, it'll begin to collapse in the fake world (maybe sorta like Inception, he'll start to encounter hostility).

Anyway, the basic premise of the movie is that our main character is using the "fake" personality to pursue a love interest online. However he struggles to hold the fake world together, because of being unable to answer her questions, leading to subtle inconsistencies and other posters. As one or two posters become more extreme in their challenges, "real" murders them, eventually he become super paranoid and murders her then attempts to murder himself, thus ending the film.

Needs some work.

eviltimeban

"WARNADO".

A killer tornado is ravaging America. But this is no ordinary tornado - this is a WARNADO. Tanks, guns, missles, planes, bombs - all coming out of the WARNADO.

The WARNADO has only one mission - to DESTROY.

Who can stop the WARNADO? Can Cpt Jack Friday, the grizzled Gulf War vet, who seen some sh*t in his time, but he "ain't never seen anything like this before"?

Can President Beaumont Norton, the idealistic leader of the free world, who is staunchly anti-nuclear armaments? He has to do what he promised he'd never do - go back on his word.

Can cynical scientist Dr Ellis Spring? He discovers the secret behind the WARNADO - now he needs to BRING IT DOWN.

WARNADO - There's. A. Storm. Coming. Summer 2017.

eviltimeban

I had a (more serious) idea for a sci-fi movie or TV show, which I'm calling "Winter Earth" (or something like that). It was actually an idea I had a long time ago, but I since saw these paintings by Simon Stalenhag which were amazingly close to my vision of the movie:







I also had this idea pre-Interstellar btw!

A futuristic world, let's say near enough future (next 50 - 100 years). We've seen huge advances in technology, robotics, machinery. Unfortunately due to climate change most of the world looks like the Scandinavian landscape depicted in the images above. There has been a depletion in natural resources. Many millions have died.

A new planet is discovered in our solar system that is habitable - like earth, similar gravity and climate. A whole industry springs up around getting people off Earth and onto the new planet. As a result, the tech on earth is largely abandoned and out of commission.

Most of the population of earth have left - about 1 million remain. Cue nice images of deserted cities and whole countries even. All that remains are the machines we once relied on, dominating the landscapes. This is the interesting part I think, seeing people largely ignore these massive, non-working or damaged structures. Sort of like technology doesn't actually matter in the end.

Links are maintained with the new Earth, via satellite and new "starless" technology (like wireless but in space ). Valuable resources like coal, seeds, and soil are transported back to Earth on a regular basis. However one day the connection severs, and the transports stop.

A small band of "world leaders" get together to figure out what to do, how to sustain their lives, and how to reestablish the connection with new earth. They discover evidence new earth has been destroyed by a massive meteor. Or... has it?

Zombienosh

I'd watch it

Adamantium

I'd never want to see it, because they ended it perfectly. I just want to see

more of the actors in those roles

and don't want to let those characters go yet.

But a TV movie/miniseries continuation of BSG 2004-2009. Probably not commercially viable. Massive spoilers here

What the crew did after arriving 150,000 years ago , how they passed on language, possible start and annihilation of Atlantis, settlements in Greece. Modern archaelogists digging up remains of tech and raptors in South America

The last line was actually a proposed scene for the ending of the entire series, though they decided against it as would be too Star Trek-ish and break with our reality of things and make it more "fiction" and

not this happened and we'll never know what they went through

I love that eerie,haunting and bittersweet feeling that the ending left us with and maybe it should be left just that, but still I'd love some big budget fan fiction.

Apolloyon

The one I have is called 'The Undesirables'


It stars William Fichtner, Xander Berkeley, Adam Baldwin, Bruce Davison, Bruce Greenwood and Jason Isaacs.


Who they are playing? Larger versions of themselves. They are a bunch of actors who are going through rough patches, Berkeley through a bitter divorce, Baldwin's restaurant business rapidly going under, Fichtner's dwindling residual cheques being addressed to a 'Billy Sphincter' and thus unable to be cashed, Davison and Greenwood just not getting the parts anymore. And Isaacs? We'll get to him in a bit.


Fichtner has a plan. There's a rumour going around that a foreign billionaire wants to invest in the movie business and plans to hand over 30 Million in uncut diamonds to a studio as collateral. If they could get their hands on them, Fichtner's cousin could fence them easily and they would finally get they payday they had dreamt of when they first tread the boards.


And Isaacs? Their inside man. The only actor among them still working regularly and still successful. He sees it as a role of a lifetime and will gladly help. After all, his current movie is being shot close to where the jewel hand off is going down.


Now for these actors, who have played ambiguous characters all their acting careers, this is the time to delve deep in their past roles so they can pull off this jewel heist.


But can anything go right, the two Bruce's bicker constantly and constantly try to undermine each other, Baldwin's reasonable suggestions get shot down by Fichtner time after time, Berkeley caught between his commitment to the heist and still having feelings for his wife.


And Isaacs? Well an actor to the core. He's the only British one amongst them and the rules film are quite clear? When you have a British accent, you ALWAYS play the villain.


The Undesireables. In the End. The only part they could play...was themselves.

brevity

Billy and the Cloneasaurus?

eviltimeban

Apolloyon wrote: »

The one I have is called 'The Undesirables'

I'd like that movie to be just set in one room, where they spend the whole time just talking about the heist and planning it, but never actually do it.

nc19

Movie version of the old cartoon MASK

I'd love that....

iDave

Billy and the Cloneasaurus.

Edit: Damn you brevity

eviltimeban

eviltimeban

nc19 wrote: »

Movie version of the old cartoon MASK

I'd love that....

On that note, a movie version of Ulysses 31, Battle Of The Planets, Space Sentinels...

Actually I'd say the next project Quentin Tarantino will do is some sort of retro science fiction movie, with all the cheesy music... Just look at the poster of Space Sentinels and you can sort of imagine it!

Panthro

A film about the life of a grandfather clock as seen through the eyes of a doorknob.

Leif Johnson

When I was younger, I wrote a story. Four pages long I think. Anyway, it was about these four young lads who encountered some aliens. Anyway, the aliens eventually arrived into the town nearby and had these ray guns. When they fired these ray guns at people, they turned into all kinds of different things. Zombies, werewolves, vampires, Romans, Celts, vampires, devils, etc you get the idea. Anyway they were fighting. Have to laugh at it though. Don't think that'll ever see a scene like that in a film. The thought of it just says WTF?

Adamantium

A full length version of this. This was made in 1997.

It's a true classic. The subtle, dark humor and the fact that it totally changes ones' perception of the original movie still makes it one of the best fan-movies I've ever seen. The grainy look makes it look so real.

The way he takes

Beru

and talks to her in that regulated tone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvswNDAAZCU

Dirty Dingus McGee

A movie about the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people -- under the supervision of the reverse vampires -- forcing parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner.

iDave

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

A movie about the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people -- under the supervision of the reverse vampires -- forcing parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner.

Reverse vampires?

fryup

Father Ted the movie

Dermot Morgan RIP

faceman

"Miriam O'Callaghan versus the World"


Beloved Miriam is asked if she'll host The Late Late Show however she is told that of she wants the job she will have to fight all former hosts to the death to secure the chair.

Heavy CGI and cameos by Boyzone, Bono and Sinead O'connor.

The closing shot is of Miriam driving Gay Byrne's motorcycle into the distance.

CFlat

faceman wrote: »

"Miriam O'Callaghan versus the World"


Beloved Miriam is asked if she'll host The Late Late Show however she is told that of she wants the job she will have to fight all former hosts to the death to secure the chair.

Heavy CGI and cameos by Boyzone, Bono and Sinead O'connor.

The closing shot is of Miriam driving Gay Byrne's motorcycle into the distance.

If she has to kill all the previous hosts, they could probably rename it The Late, Late Late show.

George White

Below is art for an idea i had - Planet of Dr. Moreau, which I decided could not be fully animated. The art is the opening. This was inspired by the HG Wells novel the Island of Dr. Moreau.
Astronaut Dick Edwards is an idealistic Dan Dare-type sent from a moonbase to fix an orbital satellite on the dark side of the moon. His capsule, however locks due to an electrical fault and he is sent into deep space. Trapped for days, he finally makes his way back to what he believes is Earth. As he enters the atmosphere, he realises that the continents are different. He is on Earth's long lost twin world. He finds himself among green fields, thinking that there seems to be only plant life. He then comes across the wreck of the SS Thatcher, a research vessel that went missing decades before. He comes across a small house built on a hill. He is welcomed by Dr. Moreau, who Edwards recognises as the leader of the expedition on board the SS Thatcher. Moreau is welcoming and friendly and has retired. He is dressed like a Victorian colonial hunter, in white linen suit and pith helmet. He has a big black bushy beard that is starting to grey. He clearly eats well and lives well. He has a ruddy red face. He is tough but fair at first, like a good headmaster as a fine British public school. He lives with his consort, Margaret, an ugly, ageing ex-prostitute, a balding ginger-haired butler named Maurice and a mutant valet named M'Ling. Dick asks if there are any other survivors. Moreau claims that there were two others, Abraham Montgomery, his second-in-command who apparently went in search of civilisation and never came back, and Cavor, the navigator. While having dinner, a group of mysterious hooded individuals arrive on horses. Their leader, the "Sayer" wants a word with Moreau. The Sayer meets Moreau in his office and screams at him. Dick overhears this and enters. The Sayer is revealed to be a large grey sheep-like humanoid with a crumpled face. He realises the hooded figures are Beast-People, ashamed of how they look - initially created by Moreau and Montgomery (from the test animals on board the SS Thatcher) to serve as company on the empty planet. M'Ling is one of them, as is Maurice - the oldest and most advanced of the creatures - once an orangutan, now 99 per cent human. Dick Edwards is taken by the Beast-People including a female assassin, Anthrocaliban, a blueish grey skinned, white furred strikingly beautiful wolf/cat hybrid with a large white mohawk, and the St. Bernard-headed mute dog-humanoid Dibber, the Russian-accented bear man Ursus, and the albino bull-man Ragnar. They call Moreau "our father", and explain that they and Maurice are "five-digits" like humans and therefore are seen by Maurice to be superior to the otherwise three-digited Beast-People. Apart from Maurice, who was intended to be human as possible, Anthrocaliban and her gang - "the Rovers" were mistakes, genetic mutated anomalies - who believe they should protect and care for the Beast-People, and that the humans should leave them behind. They arrive at a city built by the Beast-People.
At the city, the Sayer comes to enforce the law Moreau has created. However, living in the city is Montgomery, now a dazed out hippie who lives with the Fox-Bear-Witch, a hybrid beast-woman prostitute. Montgomery abuses the Beast-People . The city has been divided. Montgomery lives in the lower East Side, which has become violent and Along the Great Divide, we see the Jeep parked against a huge wall of bamboo that seems out of place on an alien planet. There are signs. "No five-digs" one reads, badly scrawled in what appeared to be brown excrement, dripping from the wooden clumps hung on the wall. We see British-style red pillar post-boxes. We see Beast-Women prostitutes, awful, unwieldy hags in plastic bin bag clothes. We see sheep-ladies with handbags, old ladies with sheep-faces in plastic mackintosh coats and floral headscarves berating sheep-prostitutes in scantily clad wear and awful rotund cow-lady prostitutes, who look like a cross between Divine and a mutated upright heifer.
Montgomery enslaves Bulldog-Men as soldiers, and attacks the peaceful West Side. The Sayer of the Law whips Montgomery but Moreau stops him. Moreau wants Montgomery to be stopped, but not whipped. He wants the violence to be quelled, and the East Side's denizens to be euthanised, thus breaking the Law. A civil war erupts and M'Ling rebels, killing the subservient humanoid Maurice. Margaret turns back into a panther and claws her husband in a violent rage. Moreau is killed, and war breaks out. Ursus and Ragnar are killed in the battle, and the East Side is destroyed partially. The Fox-Bear-Witch is killed by Anthrocaliban, and Montgomery, hysterical and himself almost an animal demands revenge, but is jailed by the Sayer, now the leader. M'Ling helps restore Edwards' capsule, and now peace is restored to the planet. After a tearful farewell by Dibber and Anthrocaliban, Dick Edwards returns to space and attempts to fix the satellite, but it collapses and falls to the alien planet.
After returning to the moonbase, Dick returns to the planet. Years have passed in animal years and Montgomery is a slavering, skeletal wreck singing maddened versions of 1960s/70s rock songs and taking homemade drugs. Margaret, now returned to the state of a panther is his only companion. He dies drunk and singing "Don't Fear the Reaper", but his ideas of revolution have influenced his warder, the Hyena-Swine, who plans a revolution, creating a fascist uprising. Disgusted with the animals' overall appraisal of the Hyena-Swine, Edwards leaves but his ship is broken. Dibber and M'Ling are dead, and Anthrocaliban is elderly and no longer sexually desirable. He drives off in a jeep to explore the further regions of this planet, to find if there was civilisation...

Adamantium

faceman wrote: »

"Miriam O'Callaghan versus the World"


Beloved Miriam is asked if she'll host The Late Late Show however she is told that of she wants the job she will have to fight all former hosts to the death to secure the chair.

Heavy CGI and cameos by Boyzone, Bono and Sinead O'connor.

The closing shot is of Miriam driving Gay Byrne's motorcycle into the distance.

Pat Kenny turns sideways...disappears. Miriam is confused. Crowd taunts her.

After defeating Gay Byrne
We should get to see a young CGI Gay Bryne faceoff against Miriam.
Special Attack: Release the owls

Adamantium

Panthro wrote: »

A film about the life of a grandfather clock as seen through the eyes of a doorknob.

Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's Crying Monkey Award.