Websites like meetup.com

LegacyUser

Hey, going unreg for this one.

I was just wondering if anyone had experiences of websites such as meetup.com they wouldn't mind sharing. I'm quite lonely and would like to meet new people but I'm nervous about going to a meetup in case its a disaster. I know I've nothing to lose but I'm just finding it hard to make myself go. I would really like to make some new friends but I'm worried I won't find any there and I'll be left feeling deflated and back to square one.

Any advice would be great, thank you.

shaymus27

Hi Lonelygirl24,

You might bring someone with you to a meet up for support and so you don't go home alone if at night in Dublin City.

If you are going to a night event in Dublin ensure you can get home safely, also if you decide to leave an event early and don't leave with a group.

There is probably day events also with the various groups.

I haven't gone to one but I did make an enquiry to a woman who organises the Fun and Socialising in Dublin meetup group (think that's the name). She seemed nice, said her group were welcoming. She gives her phone no. and will meet you outside and bring you in if you are nervous of going in to an unknown group.

There seems to be lots of different groups.

Like anything you have to just go and find out and if it doesn't work out you are no worse off.

KomradeBishop

Some groups are better suited than others, for getting to know people; a huge meet with 40+ people (especially if in a loud pub) can be quite intimidating if you don't know anyone, but if you search around, there are groups which are better suited to people who may be nervous about meetups, and which have events with a smaller number of people, in a place that's easier to chat and get to know people in.

As mentioned above, if you contact the organizer of some of these meetup groups, and outline how you'd like to go but are nervous, some of them are extremely nice/friendly and will help you feel comfortable - and you may even get to know some of them personally this way too, so you'd know someone prior to a meet (I know a few good meetup groups like this, but well, don't want to disclose openly)

I knew of the site for a couple of years before I finally went to anything on it, as I was also nervous about it - wish I'd done so sooner! It's a lot less intimidating once you've been to a few meets.

seablue

I am a member of a few meetup groups.

They best ones - for me - are those with a specific focus, like hiking, running, cooking etc.

The more general, meet in a pub or meet for coffee groups, are harder work if you are shy/introverted.

Agree with the post above - large groups can be intimidating.

With a specific interest group you have an immediate topic to talk about and 'doing' something with a group is less intense than standing around making small talk.

Aseth

I joined meetup to make new friends myself. I'd say it depends on the people attending. Maybe try one that is close to what interests you and that way even if there will be more people you will have something to talk about and will feel less nervous.

pakb1ue

Everyone who has gone to Meetup has been in your shoes, we have all been nervous going to our first Meetup and still do when we go to a new group albeit not as bad. Once you introduce yourself to one person you wonder why you where nervous at all. I like to compare it to the first few weeks of University as everyone is super friendly and accepting (think of clubs and societies).

Here is my story from it;
I was in a Belfast for 2.5 years and had made like 8 friends in that time all from work/housemates then I got a new job in Dublin which I decided to give this site a go.

First meetup was a Surf trip so got into a car with 4 complete strangers and drove to Donegal to spend the weekend with 30 more strangers. To say I was nervous was an understatement, I nearly canceled at the last minute but thankfully I didn't and ending up having a great weekend. After that I was hooked and I started going to different groups to do more activity based events.

Most of these meetups were happening at the weekend but nothing mid week so I ended up going to one that was just drinks which I was pretty skeptical about TBH and I'm not a big drinker. Put it this way a year later I've gone multiple trips around Ireland, weekend trips to England, went on a snow holiday, dated a few girls, head out pretty much every weekend with people all whom I've met off this one group.

My advise try and find a group that you are interested in or that will have a similar age group to yourself. If there is a large crowd going just go early before they form into groups of people and you will be fine. Also most of the organisers are pretty good at getting people talking to each other and introducing new members.

I would also say try to get talking to as many people as possible to get a good feel of the group.

Est28

Hey OP,
I tried it when I moved abroad. Now to be honest, I won't BS and say it was an entire success but it depends on what groups and what town you're in.

I think a lot of people reply to these threads saying to go to Meetups but they have never been themselves and haven't experienced what it's like.

It's worth trying if you feel out of other avenues but from real EXPERIENCE, here are the things to know:

- Many people flake on invites, you might see them once, and never again, or they rsvp and NEVER show. It is what it is. People are flakey.

- Try to join something which doesn't have limits on numbers of people. This is often done as an exclusionary tactic by organizers. They have an established group and can be unfriendly to newcomers taking a regulars spot. If its an open meetup, plenty people can come so you can chat around.

- In addition, try go to a group that meets often and has lots of members. You won't make instant friends, you only make friends by seeing the same faces regularly so that's why small established groups and irregualr meetups are a waste of time.

- A lot of people just RSVP to everything and have no interest in the group. The most often scenario is these people have no friends. This one is a double edged sword. I was new in town, I made friends with others not from the city, they are just out looking to make friends in a new place. The down side of this is be prepared for a LOT of awkward and anti-social people. They tend to go to everything and anything in the hopes other people will make all the effort to be friends with them... I get it and it's fine but some people make zero effort, so some might be just shy but there's a point with some people where you need to move on and talk to others if they are not contributing.

- It's the internet, some people are weird. Expect it, say Hi and move on. Then no problems.

- You have to make most of the effort. The main problem is people show up expecting instant friends. It rarely happens. You have to be the one to start conversations and include other people. It's just how it is, people are very passive. They are waiting on you and you are waiting on them. Be the one to lead.

- Following on from that one. If you DO start to click with a few people.. for the love of god, meet up with them AWAY from meetup. Ask if they want to see a new movie or something easy. Or grab a pint. People get stuck in the whole thing of being "meetup" friends, like how you don't see your co-workers outside the office. This makes for better friendships... ask the people you like to hang out outside of the group.

Hope that helps!

boundlessSea

Hi Op,

I went to a few meetups before that had no specific interest beyond socializing, my experience was a bit mixed but I am glad I went and plan to try more meetup groups, I recommend going to a meetup focused on a specific activity, that way you can focus on the activity which will you make you less nervous, also having a common interest with others there gives you something to talk about.