friend trying to sabotage me

LegacyUser

I have a friend I have know years one night I was snogging a girl and when i wss leaving the pub he shouted out the name of another I was with I told the first girl then what he meant and we had an argument they know each and the girl over reacted my friend was to know she would over react but I didn't like him saying it

another night I was with another we both know ow and he told her I had a few notches on my bed post but she didn't hear him. We then leave and go out to hers we are both a bit drunk only he arrives too! Just as we ate having see! I start to get angry at him only she tells me I'm being mean I then run into him again and get onto him he days he paid for his taxi and he wasnt going anywhere and thay he didnt know there was anything between us (he did) he only he goes back and tells her and she gets onto me saying it's her place and up to her too invite. Then he tells me I'm being too possessive and that she won't like that that he only wanted a bit of company. I say to what was so important about that one night but he won't answer

I should add we are in our 30s not teenagers

am i wrong to be annoyed with him? I feel as if he is deliberately sabotaging me

This has happened me with other guys too I'm not very good at picking them up and when I do they try to barge in even coming back to my flat when they arent welcome and almost refusing to leave

Katgurl

Right this is very bizarre all round.

You say you are in your 30's but you are quite honestly not sounding it; people turning up at houses late at night uninvited, him refusing to leave when the two of you are having s€x, you telling him to get out when it's not even your place instead of speaking to him calmly and saying his being there is inappropriate, snogging women outside pubs while your mate yells nonsense out.

It sounds more like teenagers out underage drinking.

Either your friend is jealous of you and wants the girls you pull or he's actually over-attached to you and possibly gay.

Or one other possible explanation; you've all been boozing so hard since the age of fourteen you've never advanced beyond that age mentally.

Tokyo

OP, from the number of deleted comments and reported posts, it's apparent that people are finding it very hard to follow what's going on from your opening post. You may have to provide a clearer picture of the situation if you wish to get accurate advice.

Regards,
Mike

LegacyUser

Right then I'm in my 30s I have never had much luck with women but now I have a bit of confidence and look better however now when I get a woman things seem to wrong. In particular it seems one friend

1) I left the pub with a girl he says out loud the name of another girl I was with and when I explain to her we fall out but she over reacts

2) a girl goes back to mine but we are both drunk and don't do anything the next we go to the pub he knows thereIis something between us and tells her I have a few notches on my bed post

3) we go back to hers but she invites him back too. We are having sex and then he arrives. We both get dressed but she has no problem with him being there. I started getting angry with him. He even invites her for dinner.

4) I see him the next day in pub and get angry with him. He said he didn't know there was anything between us and he paid for a taxi so he wasn't going to leave. He said we could have went up to the bedroom if we wanted. I should add that this friend also chatting every girl I talk to and show an interest in and he is also just out of a relationship and his ex is with a new guy he also seems to be depressed

5) he tells her about getting onto him and makes out I'm possessive

6) she gets onto me for getting onto him and says it's her house and we fall out


sorry I know this post is a bit petty but things like this are happening me more and more if I'm chatting to a girl a friend of mine will barge in one even tried to snog a girl at the same time I was snogging her. Another guy came up to my flat when I was with a girl and wouldn't leave even though I asked him a few times another guy tried to do the same one night almost bullying me to get into my flat someone else had to say to him in the end to leave me alone and this us a friend of mine it's really starting to annoy me


are these just minor things and getting too annoyed?

Big Bag of Chips

My opinion, you need to lay off the drink and find somewhere else to meet girls. Preferably away from this fella/fellas who keep "sabotaging" you.

Chucky the tree

I'd be raging. I have no idea why you should lay off the drinking and going to the pub to find girls though. If you enjoy doing those things then keep doing them. Don't simply run away from the problem like that, it's not a good way to deal with the issue. Confront your friend and tell him to cop on. As someone already said he's either jealous of your success or he really likes you.

giggle84

So your "mate" showed up to this girl's house when you were sleeping with her, and TWO other guys have shown up to your house uninvited at night when you're with a girl?!! Where are you meeting these people?!!

Maybe have a word with him in a place other than a pub.

Potatoeman

Your friend sounds like a cockblocker thats trying to stop you getting any because he isnt. Pull him aside and be very clear that it stops or he can find a new friend.

I dont think anyone can figure out what you are talking about at the end though. Who are these people turning up uninvited and refusing to leave?

Stavro Mueller

Are you sure this guy is actually your friend? Or the other lads who are calling around uninvited? Doesn't sound like it to me. I wonder has your lack of luck with girls until now also been reflected in the people you call your friends. Quite honestly the lot of you sound like a bunch of immature overheated adolescents. Might be time to reflect on this and ask yourself some questions.

LegacyUser

OK I don't have much luck with women but recently things have changed for me however I had a few bad experiences at one time I almost had 2 women fighting over me and ended up with none of them

One night I met a woman for a date only I was nervous and she left with someone else another day a woman text me wanting to know if we are a couple but I never got back to her because she has a boyfriend. I told a friend and he remarked that if he hangs around me he might get a woman if he hangs around me. When we went to the pub I met a woman I'm friendly with we have snogged but nothing else my friend starts following us around and is almost bullying me to go to mines

Last week I leave the pub with a girl I have slept with an associate of mine comes back to mines too but doesn't deal we me and Her have slept together only he wants to stay on in my flat I tell/hint him to leave a few times but he pretend s to ignore me and tries to snuggle up to her

I know all this sounds very petty but I almost feel as if the universe is conspiring against me

Potatoeman

ddfgghjhvcssfgh wrote: »

<Mod Snip> No need to repost the post

Some people will treat you as badly as you let them. The guy ignoring you when you asked him to leave your house for example. Why did you even let him in? Some of these seem like problems because you let them become problems.

orthsquel

tbh OP, I think you need to raise your standards of the women you are meeting, and ditch your "friends" while also raising your standards of friends when you make new ones.

I'm a bit like :eek: that in one case you were having sex and your friend turned up and the woman you were with had invited him as well, and had no problem with him being there... like unless she was expecting more from the situation with you and your friend, too drunk, or on something else, I'd find it bizarre in general that she had no problem with what was imo a very uncomfortable and awkward situation.

I don't really know what to advise other than you try and raise your standards in women and friends, or accept meeting women who either think very little of themselves to be treated like that or aren't sober enough to realise what's going on around them and accept that your friends are not exactly decent people to associate with.

If your friends and associates have to use you to get a woman, by hanging around you, by barging in your house and forcing their way to get access to a woman, then you should have serious questions about the sort of friends and associates you keep.

LegacyUser

orthsquel wrote: »

<SNIP> Please don't quote full posts. It's hard on the mobile site users.

We were drinking during the day it wasn't night time. She didn't think it was strange becausevwe were all drinking together also we aren't a couple we had just slept together while drunk. When he arrived out it was evening time. Me and her aren't a couple we slept together but we are friends too after I fell out with my friend she told me we won't be sleeping together again. We had really hooked up properly until he arrived out

The same girl was then in my flat a few nights later and another guy came up too but he didn't know there was anything between us he kept cuddling up to her despite me telling him to go by the time he had left she was asleep on my bed so I just slept on sofa

orthsquel

I've re-read the thread OP...
It appears that
1) you friend, friends and associates don't have any respect for you
2) they have boundary issues
3) all the males see any female you know, or in the company of as "fair game"
4) you keep looking for and expecting to get privacy when in the presence of a 3rd person especially when you invite people back to your own place

The two women who fought over you, in that bad experience, that actually had nothing to do with you, it was about them. The same can be said about you and your friend, it's not about a or the woman, but more about rivalry and jealousy.
You have pulled your friend aside before, but have you told him about his behaviour when he is sober and not hung over? Instead of admitting his own shortcomings he is clutching onto whatever scraps he sees as available to him, through you. You've stated a few times that these women are those you have just met, a friend, not in a relationship with, not a couple therefore they are seen as "fair game" as perhaps to them you have not conveyed a real interest or told them to back off and when you have conveyed somewhat of an interest they ignore it. That shows they don't have respect for you and therefore they are entitled to be there, and entitled to share in what you were doing, regardless as to what choice or situation the woman might feel they are in (i.e. whether they are creeped out in a compromised situation or enjoy / have no problem with being pursued like that).
The 4th point, you keep expecting to have privacy or be in an intimate setting with a woman but then also invite people back to your place, or are invited back to someone else's as part of an open invite to others, or have people invite themselves over to your place or barge in; you either need to stop inviting people back to your flat, stop letting them in if they turn up, have better security if they are letting themselves in and understand that if you are invited back somewhere as a open invitation, you understand others might show up and therefore no privacy and then you will need to tell the woman you are interested in her so that she knows and can reciprocate and you can gain your privacy then.

If you're not interested in cutting ties with these friends and associates of yours, then particularly with your friend maybe he needs to be sat down and have it blatantly explained to him that his behaviour is not on and perhaps look at helping him gain some ground on attracting his own women or setting him up with someone or something like that.

With that particular woman who is your friend, but you don't have a relationship with but I gather you perhaps went into a friends with benefits sort of thing - I think really you need to be clear on what you want with her; if it's just friendship then it needs to be platonic and you will have to accept that other males will make advances, and if you are to be more than platonic friends in the form of friends with benefits or in a relationship in the future then you need to be on the same page about what you both want from eachother in terms of what your status is and where you stand with eachother, particularly about how you both feel about a friends with benefits set up/casually sleeping together or by being platonic friends but you have a liking for eachother and her being pursued by other men.

LegacyUser

I should add that I have had no luck with women until recently I have never a girlfriend where as these guys are the opposite they have had luck earlier but they are getting older they aren't as lucky also I slep with a beautiful woman they all love and even that they messed up I told one of them about it and he broadcast it. The girl thought I was telling everyone she was easy few times I messed up with women and they think I am going to keep messing up
The guy I was talking about one day he was in the pub and he named out everyone I slept with am I wrong to be annoyed about this?

If I talk about someone I fancy or who fancy's me they spread it around but should mates be able to say this stuff?

orthsquel

Sounds to me like they are threatened by you as you have changed the status quo....
You're not wrong to be annoyed by his behaviour, at all. I would be furious if someone that I've known a long time came along and listed to someone I was interested in who I've been in relationships with or had sex with. It's not their business to tell anyone that, whether it's to someone you're interested in, bar staff, other friends, your neighbours, your colleagues, the world, and only would do that to make you look bad and themselves better.
If they're spreading around who you're interested in and gossiping about you with a view to embarrassing you, humiliating you, turning women off you, looking to get in there first, distorting any sense of truth or seeking to dishonour a woman's name and reputation as well as your own, then they are not nice people, and not your friends.

Saralee4

yea op I think its a matter of whatever happened that changed your situation with women and now that your apparently a stud has given your mates a bit of a shock and they are trying to understand why they are not top dog anymore.

you mentioned that one of the guys split with his girlfriend as well so he's probably feeling insecure about that and then when he sees you getting lucky with women then its making him feel that insecurity more.

it does all sound petty and I know you said that you don't want it to be like that but you are focussing on that too much as opposed to forming relationships and connections with these women. Is that what you want? or is this part of some kind of rivalry that you are kind of enjoying? obviously you know that these men are now threatened by you and your new found ability to score. Is there some part of you that is enjoying that a little bit and that is why you are so focussed on it?

If you really find this is becoming a problem, all you really need to do, is be more assertive and set better boundaries with your friends otherwise decide that you are growing apart from this group and need to move away from them as they are no longer what you consider friends.

does not sound like the problems of a group of 30 year old males to be honest though.

LegacyUser

Ok now the girl has spent the night at my friends they were drinking I don't know if anything happened but he probably tried it on with her I'm not jealous just annoyed at that seemed to be his intention all along.

Stavro Mueller

sdghjijhccfhjnnbv wrote: »

Ok now the girl has spent the night at my friends they were drinking I don't know if anything happened but he probably tried it on with her I'm not jealous just annoyed at that seemed to be his intention all along.

I'm not sure you took any of our advice on board but that's your prerogative. Most women would find the behaviour of you and your friends a right turn off. If you choose to hang out with these people, then don't say you weren't warned.

Big Bag of Chips

If I was with a fella, and his friend started trying it on with me, or interrupting or whatever I would think "What a shower of arseholes". As Stavro says, if the girls don't seem bothered, and the fellas keep continuing then you need to find a better class of people to hang around with.

Your "friends" don't respect you, or the girls/women. The women obviously don't respect you or themselves.

Look for new friends, and different women.

Stavro Mueller

What is it that you want anyway? I get that you didn't have luck with women in the past and now you're doing better. How much better though? I get the impression that the sort of women you're snogging/taking home are low-hanging fruit. The sort who'll go home with one lad one night and another guy the next. If that's what you want, then that's fine. Just don't fool yourself into thinking you're going to get a girlfriend out of this. The sort of women you seem to be going for will be the ones who will be in your friend's bed next weekend and someone else's the weekend after. Still, if you're getting a kick out of having women fighting over you then go right ahead.

Saralee4

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

What is it that you want anyway? I get that you didn't have luck with women in the past and now you're doing better. How much better though? I get the impression that the sort of women you're snogging/taking home are low-hanging fruit. The sort who'll go home with one lad one night and another guy the next. If that's what you want, then that's fine. Just don't fool yourself into thinking you're going to get a girlfriend out of this. The sort of women you seem to be going for will be the ones who will be in your friend's bed next weekend and someone else's the weekend after. Still, if you're getting a kick out of having women fighting over you then go right ahead.

We are probably getting that impression of the women though because OP is not really talking about the women. The women in your problem OP are like background characters or a prop in your description! The reason the girls are probably eventually succumbing to your other mates is because you are not showing enough real interest in them. Op you seem more focused on this as a competition.

I'm not really sure what it is that your mates are doing wrong? You don't really seem too upset about a girl in particular so why do you care if your friend is with her later? Because you feel its one up on you? But you don't say anything about wanting to be with any specific girl?

Don't expect these girls to be loyal to you if you are only interested in superficial relationships with them although I don't think you expect any loyalty from the girls because you don't really talk about the girls in this thread much! It sounds like this is about you not feeling respect from your peers but im not sure what your looking for respect for? For being able to pull women now? Perhaps this is not personal for you but this is how your pals have always been with women, you just never seen that side because you weren't as lucky in your past as you explained.

thickhead

fddssfhhjmnbcdf wrote:

3) we go back to hers but she invites him back too. We are having sex and then he arrives. We both get dressed but she has no problem with him being there. I started getting angry with him. He even invites her for dinner.

She obviously fancied a spitroast for supper.

Big Bag of Chips

Thickhead, I've deleted one of your posts and given you a yellow for the other. Read the Charter before posting in Personal Issues again.

If you have an issue with a Mod instruction contact the mod via PM.

Floppybits

Here is an idea, if you are interested in any of these ask them out on a date without your mates being around, maybe during the day?

Your so called mates sound like twats or perverts. I mean a mate hanging around when you are having sex is just weird or a mate trying to snog a girl when you are snogging her. WTF sort of twats are they.

Like others have said it is maybe time to move on from these mates, it does seem that they have a problem with your luck with ladies. I would also advise you to not talk about your relationships with any of these guys. I would also look at the women and ask if they really respect you, I don't of any woman that wouldn't mind a mate hanging around while they have sex.