i can guarantee you have never heard this one before

iveco75e1

Ok before anybody asks I'm 26 male, straight and I've never even been remotely attracted to a man before, and as for women i'll get to that.

Now that thats out of the way basically this is the story when I was growing up I went to a normal mixed primary & secondary school had a medium sized group of male/female friends meet up outside school and went to discos all the usual stuff, but was never in a relationship or kissed anyone, finished my leaving cert @ 17 went to college finished my bachelor deg at 21 and did my masters and completed that @ 23, had a relatively "normal" college exp. had friends went to class, meet up with people outside went for a few scoops, its not like i hit the books 24/7 and hid in my room for a couple of years, but still never got into a relationship or kissed anyone. This was mainly due to the fact that i was utterly indifferent to the exp and it never really bothered me about being in a relationship. Now for the last 3 years i've been working in a very small company with only 9 employees including myself and i've listened to my colleagues discuss their personal lives and their partners and I find myself wondering if i'm missing out?

thierry14

You probably are missing out

I was similar to yourself up until I was 22 or so.

Did the college and work thing, spent my evenings watching prison break, lost etc or on pc, PlayStation for hours, was happy enough, never thought about relationships too much.

It was only when I had no one to go on holidays with that it dawned on me that I was alone.All friends had partners now or had left.

DivingDuck

I think it depends on the individual. Plenty of people are happy without ever being in a relationship, but it isn't for everyone.

Look at the "good" relationships of people around you, think about what the benefits are, and consider what you would have to give up to achieve those benefits.

Do you want somebody to go out with, even if it means sometimes going out when you don't want to?
Do you want somebody to come home to, even if it means sometimes you won't have peace when you'd like it?
Do you want somebody to bring you tea when you're sick, even if it means you'll have to look after them in turn?
Do you want somebody to share financial burdens with, even if it might mean arguments about how your hard-earned money is spent?
Do you want physical affection, even if it's not always available when you want it, and it might be wanted when you don't feel like providing it or providing it in the manner it's wanted?

Or are you feeling you're missing more in terms of playing the field than in terms of having a relationship? Because the same applies there as well, really: it's all about what you'd gain and what you'd have to give up.

Pat Mustard

iveco75e1 wrote: »

I find myself wondering if i'm missing out?

If you're 26, have been through college for bachelors and masters degrees, you've never been with a woman and find yourself asking if you've been missing out, then maybe the question would arise as to whether this is an academic question at this stage? You haven't outlined a situation where you had tried and failed with women on a regular basis. Therefore, it seems more likely that if you had the inclination, perhaps you'd have followed it before now. If the desire has not been obvious, the apparent answer might be that the desire is not overwhelming.

When you ask if you are missing out, maybe it would be more helpful if you gave that question further consideration, yourself. I don't mean to be unhelpful but I just wonder if you don't have the answer yourself, already.

This thread can be transferred to the Personal Issues forum, if you so wish. The people in that forum may have further answers. Or the thread can be left here.

iveco75e1

The Mustard wrote: »

If you're 26, have been through college for bachelors and masters degrees, you've never been with a woman and find yourself asking if you've been missing out, then maybe the question would arise as to whether this is an academic question at this stage? You haven't outlined a situation where you had tried and failed with women on a regular basis. Therefore, it seems more likely that if you had the inclination, perhaps you'd have followed it before now. If the desire has not been obvious, the apparent answer might be that the desire is not overwhelming.

When you ask if you are missing out, maybe it would be more helpful if you gave that question further consideration, yourself. I don't mean to be unhelpful but I just wonder if you don't have the answer yourself, already.

This thread can be transferred to the Personal Issues forum, if you so wish. The people in that forum may have further answers. Or the thread can be left here.

no the thread can be left here as I'm just generally curious as to whether people believe I'm making a mistake by not trying to have a relationship.

quadrifoglio verde

No point in trying for a relationship, if you don't want one. Unfair on the girl too.
You're young, go out with friends and have fun. Ive learned that once you stop worrying about the pressures that come from society, the more you can live life.

Being in a relationship is all well and good until you start getting given out for hanging the towels upside down :pac:

Luke92

Some people are simply asexual! You may fall into this bracket.

If you ever have an encounter where you become close with a girl and think you'd like to take it further, go for it!

But until you want a relationship you're fine.

hfallada

There is nothing worse than looking for a relationship. Just let it happen naturally. It will eventually happen

The best relationships I have seen are from Gay guys with no plans/expectations of having a relationship. Then suddenly they meet someone on a one night stand(it happens) or through work and the relationship just happens. There is guys I know together 20 years from one nights stand. They just so happened to bond and be together years later.

Sleepy

iveco75e1, you don't mention anything about sex which I find unusual... is it that you have no libido at all or that you're happy to take care of yourself with porn sites etc?

The expression "women trade sex for relationships, men trade relationships for sex" while something of a historical artifact seems to have some general truth to it. Is it a lack of a sex drive, or perhaps beacause you've become too accustomed to taking care of those needs yourself that you've not pursued a sexual relationship with another (whether long-term or one-night stand)?

syklops

I can guarantee I have heard this story before.

OP, if you dont feel a desire to be with someone, then your not missing anything. If you're happy to be alone then go on holiday alone. Lots of people do it.

People are telling me all the time how everything changes when you have kids, you feel so fulfilled, blah blah blah. Out of the 2 kids and a larador kodak picture, I'd rather just have the labrador. Some people want different things.

Pat Mustard

syklops wrote: »

Out of the 2 kids and a larador kodak picture, I'd rather just have the labrador.

:pac:

H3llR4iser

Sleepy wrote: »

iveco75e1, you don't mention anything about sex which I find unusual... is it that you have no libido at all or that you're happy to take care of yourself with porn sites etc?

The expression "women trade sex for relationships, men trade relationships for sex" while something of a historical artifact seems to have some general truth to it. Is it a lack of a sex drive, or perhaps beacause you've become too accustomed to taking care of those needs yourself that you've not pursued a sexual relationship with another (whether long-term or one-night stand)?

I think Sleepy actually focuses on the main topic of discussion here: the first step is to understand if you have any sexual urges, of which maybe you take care of on your own, or not. All the rest will be a consequence of that.

As far as "missing out" by not wanting/having a relationship, it's a matter of points of view. The roles can easily be reversed: how much are people in relationships "missing out" on?

syklops

H3llR4iser wrote: »

I think Sleepy actually focuses on the main topic of discussion here: the first step is to understand if you have any sexual urges, of which maybe you take care of on your own, or not. All the rest will be a consequence of that.

As far as "missing out" by not wanting/having a relationship, it's a matter of points of view. The roles can easily be reversed: how much are people in relationships "missing out" on?

This is what it comes down to. If you want to have sex, then you are missing out if your doing it alone. If you don't want it, then you are probably saving yourself a lot of hassle.