Incident with bouncer...am I aggressive?

LegacyUser

Feeling a bit guilty right now to be honest, mainly because it's not the first time this has happened. I'm abroad and was out dancing, having a good night, few drinks etc etc. A song I adore came on so I went over to the entrance of a club - its a weird club as in its kinda half indoor half outdoor. Anyway I wanted to go in the indoor section. I was dancing away and the bouncer suddenly looked at me, grabbed me and told me to get out of the way because there was too many people. I ignored him because I was loving the song, and when he grabbed me again I told him to F*ck off.

The reason I feel guilty is because well, I acted like a d*ck. There was no reason to tell him to f off, and furthermore I asked him why he wasn't telling the other people to get out of the way. He explained that I was the one he was talking to. I sarcastically told him he was doing a great job and he replied "like your mother did last night" or something along them lines. I instantly felt rage but walked away and went home.

I'm not even sure what advice im looking for. This is not a completely isolated incident for me, ive got annoyed at doormen before. I guess I just feel guilty and want to know why that switch into aggressiveness happens to me when im drinking. Its weird because it only happens about 5% of the the time but when it does I feel so guilty afterwards. Was I out of line?

Penny Tration

Yeah, it sounds as though you were out of line. He asked you to move, you ignored him, then got cheeky when he asked again.

If this is not an isolated incident, you need to re-think your drinking. Some people get more aggressive when drunk, and those people need to cut right back on the drink. It may have only happened 5% of the time, but it could easily be that nobody p!ssed you off the other 95% of the time, not that you weren't aggressive.

Or, it could be that you were more drunk than usual that 5% of the time, in which case it's a fairly simple matter of learning your limits.

You were out of line but it's not a big deal, as a single incident. In conjunction with the others, you should re-think your drinking.

IlmoNT4

You should probably rethink how much and what you are drinking.

Do you have incidents like this sober?

sadie06

I disagree. The bouncer grabbed you before he spoke to you. Of course that was going to get your back up. Nobody should be man handled without good reason.

A good bouncer knows it's a bad idea to grab tanked up young men unless you really have to. The power hungry, thuggish kind do as they please, half hoping something will kick off.

You are not blameless, but he was a crap bouncer.

Penny Tration

sadie06 wrote: »

I disagree. The bouncer grabbed you before he spoke to you. Of course that was going to get your back up. Nobody should be man handled without good reason.

A good bouncer knows it's a bad idea to grab tanked up young men unless you really have to. The power hungry, thuggish kind do as they please, half hoping something will kick off.

You are not blameless, but he was a crap bouncer.

In a packed club, generally the security have no choice but to grab the shoulder/tap on the arm of the person they're trying to speak to, because there will be many, many others around.

Panthro

Pretty simple solution my good man, ease up on your alcohol intake.
If cutting it out completely is out of the question, change your outlook when you're out.
Say to yourself "I'm having X amount of pints tonight and once I drink those I'm on the h2o."
And stick to it vigorously.
Best of luck good sir, many a person would go out and berate a bouncer and think nothing of it, at least your conscious of your actions.

Vernonymous

Your emotions can change when you drink. Perhaps you need to limit it.

5rtytry56

I don't know if you have a partner at the moment but what do you think your gf would think if she witnessed the thing OP.

Littlekittylou

It would certainly not be ok for you to behave to me like that.

If you had something to assert or vent I would ask for a healthier more respectful way. It's probably a better way to deal with bouncers too.

I guess I just feel guilty and want to know why that switch into aggressiveness happens to me when im drinking. Its weird because it only happens about 5% of the the time but when it does I feel so guilty afterwards. Was I out of line?

Yes.

Alcohol narrows your focus of attention and gives tunnel vision.

The bouncer was possibly inexperienced too though.

But yes it seems aggressive.

Guilt is a useful emotion to make us reconsider what we did and you are doing that but don't over do it on a guilt trip. Reconsider how you treat people.

I would watch the drinking.

LegacyUser

sadie06 wrote: »

I disagree. The bouncer grabbed you before he spoke to you.

How do we know the bouncer hadn't tried to get the OP's attention before grabbing them but they were too in their own head space to notice? If this was a once off OP I'd say put it behind you but if you find this is a regular thing then maybe you do need to rethink you drinking habits.

blatantrereg

Yeah if you get surges of rage when you drink then drink less or not at all.

I wouldn't kick yourself over that sort of thing. It's reactionary but I would place it outside the realm of the scummy. In particular, the fact you feel bad about it and not proud of it places it well outside the realm of the scummy.

I think you should treat it as a warning sign. Only takes a split second to throw a punch. You have an evident desire to act in an okay way, so you wouldn't want to do that anyway. However hit the wrong person or hit someone too hard and it can have long term consequences. Clearly the best thing is to just drink less or not at all.

beks101

"Like your mother did last night"? WTF, was he twelve?

This particular bouncer sounds like an utter moron to be honest, not that it forgives your actions, you shouldn't have told him to f* off and reacted the way you did, but it sounds like this is more of a two-to-tango situation tbh.

I can be the same in that I can instinctively react aggressively to rude disrespectful behaviour or treatment, being man-handled would not go down well with me - add alcohol to the mix and obviously the results aren't great for anyone.

Put it behind you OP. Ease up on the drink and exercise a bit more situational awareness when you're on a night out - if you clock an aggro bouncer with anger issues (fcuk knows there's tonnes) watch where you position yourself and don't attract any attention to yourself with your behaviour. Obviously you need to not be tanked every night of the week in order to have this self awareness.