Hen Party Etiquette.

Big Bag of Chips

Say the hen night is dinner and drinks. Does the bride-to-be pay her own share? Do the group as a whole absorb the cost of her meal or does the bridesmaid cover it herself?

seamus

If it's anything like stag parties, then in my experience the rest of the party covers the bride's costs or if not the bride's family does. Very rare that the bride would pay for her own dinner & drinks on her hen night.

I've been to a fair amount of hen nights and weekends, if it has just been a dinner and then drinks after, the group normally has paid for the bride's meal, but not funded her drinking in the pub. If it's a weekend, then the group haven't paid for the bride.

I don't think it's ever down to the bridesmaid. Not to the ones I've attended anyway.

Big Bag of Chips

Thanks. It'll be a low key thing, but with an overnight stay. I might get her to pay for her accommodation as she is the one who picked the location, but will share her meal cost amongst the group.

As the only bridesmaid I didn't want to be expected to be lumped with accommodation and dinner!!

skallywag

Having the full group chip in to cover her dinner would be a nice touch, but I wouldn't pay for anything outside of that, certainly not accommodation.

PhoenixParker

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Thanks. It'll be a low key thing, but with an overnight stay. I might get her to pay for her accommodation as she is the one who picked the location, but will share her meal cost amongst the group.

As the only bridesmaid I didn't want to be expected to be lumped with accommodation and dinner!!

If you're reading stuff about bridesmaids covering hen party expenses and that's making you question yourself, relax. You're probably reading US websites. They have different traditions over there, particularly with respect to bridesmaids. Like having 5 - 10 being considered pretty normal and bridesmaids paying for their own dresses.

Split the brides dinner among the group, buy a bottle of champagne/prosecco to have while getting ready and call it good.

Toots

It's definitely not the norm for a bridesmaid to have to cover the bride's costs on the hen. Any I've been on that have been a night/weekend away would have had the bride cover her own accommodation and then the rest of the party chip in to cover her meal. If it's a night out at home, then the others covered her meal and drinks in the restaurant, but anything after that was out of her own pocket.

I know from reading some US bridal websites that the poor Maid of Honour is often expected to 'host' the bridal shower, or bachelorette party, which also involves paying for the whole lot!!

Big Bag of Chips

Ah no, I haven't read anything. Trusty ol' Boards was my first port of call! I'll buy her a few extras alright but glad to know I'm not being a scab adding a couple of Euro onto everyone's bill.

starlit

I've not been to many its not my kind of thing at all, I'm all about keeping it simple, clean fun, nothing OTT. If its just a case of a meal and few a drinks that's fine or maybe pay towards first round of drinks for the hen.

To be honest it shouldn't matter my experience has been we all paid for our own equally or had a kitty kind of thing. I think its fair. Maybe its my generation is different we pay for our own/pay our way sometimes people pay for the hen/birthday person maybe it depend on the hen/group I suppose. Do what ever is comfortable. The hens will already be contributing to the hen party anyway if its an overnight stay or something. It can be a lot of expense. Keeping it simple is all I'd say not too much of a fuss but still have fun and enjoy it. Its the presence of who are there is more important!

nearzero

I think if its a low key hen & not a massive expensive night out - everyone is usually pretty happy to chip in for the brides meal/accommodation costs, it usually works out pretty reasonable per head! If its a big foreign weekend away or something, I think its probably a bit different!!

Neyite

Any that I've been to was organised by the bridesmaid, and usually accommodation, dinner and any thing like sashes etc was collected in advance. We divided the brides costs between us so might have only been an extra 20 or 25 for that.

Never have I heard the bridesmaid get stuck with the bill for the bride alone. Its a night imo that's thrown for the bride by her friends.

January

Just had a house party for my hen, drinks and a takeaway with games and music and chats.

BYOB (I brought a bottle of Malibu) and my mam threw in for my share of chinese food!

Perfect night.

bee06

For most hens I've been to the brides meal and accommodation were split between everyone else. I paid for my own stuff at my hen but I also organised it because I didn't want to lump my sister with doing it. I also paid for my other sister because she lives abroad and had to pay for flights for the hen and the wedding.

Liam McPoyle

Every stag Ive been on, the groom has more or less been covered by everyone that attended. Usually the best man would grab everyone on their own and ask for a contribution, never any more than €30 ime and that was used to pay for dinners, accommodation, drinks etc.

kandr10

I was once invited to a hen abroad where the bridesmaid wanted us to cover everything for the bride - flights, accommodation, a show, meal etc. needless to say I didn't go. Covering a meal and few drinks is grand though and for sure split amongst the group, not out of bms pocket!

Tarzana2

Jays, I've been bridesmaid twice, and with the other bridesmaids paid for everything for the bride both times.

The second time was fine, it was just a meal.

But the first, it was two nights away in a hotel and a big meal one of the nights. Me and the two other bridesmaids paid for the bride's accommodation and dinner. I was just finished college at the time and it was difficult to afford. I think being a bridesmaid cost me the guts of €1000! I was a bit ignorant of wedding traditions then, not being a very a weddingy kind of person, so just went along with it.

At the hen for first wedding, one of the friends of the bride thought everyone's meal was going to be paid for by the bridesmaids. :eek: Really awkward having to pull her aside and ask her for her share.

forgodssake

any hen I've been on the cost of the meal accommodation and drinks for the bride was added on to everyone's bill. prob only cost bout 20 more but it meant everything was covered. just make sure you collect all the money from everyone before the night.

MadDog76

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Say the hen night is dinner and drinks. Does the bride-to-be pay her own share? Do the group as a whole absorb the cost of her meal or does the bridesmaid cover it herself?

If it's the same as a Stag's, which I assume it would be, then the Bride doesn't pay for anything except her own drink money in the pub (even then I would assume a lot of drinks would be bought for her) ......... my Stag's, which was a weekend away, was totally covered by the lads, ie. travel expense, accommodation, meals with drinks and activities.
I've organised a few Stag's myself and I always do the same ........ didn't even ask anybody if they minded paying for the Groom, I just split the bills to absorb the Grooms expenses and informed each lad what their bill was based on this calculation .......... never had anybody complain, object or even question the set-up.
You, as a Bridesmaid, certainly should not take on the burden alone ......... to be honest if the group is big enough the extra money asked is usually minimal anyway.

Balmed Out

Where in the country are you?
My stag and most of the twenty odd other I've been on we've all paid for our own flights etc. You wouldn't be putting your own hand in your pocket very often for drink and if having a formal meal with a big group you probably wouldn't end up paying either but never been any hard rule on it. For domestic stags we might have paid for the stags bus but I can only think of once where his accommodation was paid for and only then because it was easier then handing every one back 2.50 change or whatever for the hostel.

MadDog76

Balmed Out wrote: »

Where in the country are you?
My stag and most of the twenty odd other I've been on we've all paid for our own flights etc. You wouldn't be putting your own hand in your pocket very often for drink and if having a formal meal with a big group you probably wouldn't end up paying either but never been any hard rule on it. For domestic stags we might have paid for the stags bus but I can only think of once where his accommodation was paid for and only then because it was easier then handing every one back 2.50 change or whatever for the hostel.

Dublin .......... been to over 20 Stags, not including mine, and it's always worked that way regardless of where we were going or for how long including a week in the Canaries for one Stag ............ have 3 more Stag's this year, including a weekend in Prague, and the same system is in place.

Gatica

Been to a number of hens, for most, including mine (the organisation wasn't my doing), the bridesmaids or organisers absorbed the cost of the bride into the price of the group.
As MadDog said, the quote is usually presented to the group, without breakdown, e.g. it's X amount for 1 night, dinner and activity... it's usually based on the number of people who said they'd be going. Don't know what happens if someone pulls out.
The Bridesmaid certainly wouldn't be paying up by herself, not for the bride and certainly not for the group, unless it was a couple of drinks at someone's house.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

At the hen for first wedding, one of the friends of the bride thought everyone's meal was going to be paid for by the bridesmaids. :eek: Really awkward having to pull her aside and ask her for her share.

really awkward for her tbh to presume to be such a leech...

skallywag

Balmed Out wrote: »

My stag and most of the twenty odd other I've been on we've all paid for our own flights etc.

This is also my own experience, have been on loads of them and we've never paid for the Stag's travel or accommodation, in fact I'm not sure if we even ever paid for his dinner when we ate out in the evening. He would have certainly gotten lots of his drinks paid for.

The way I would see it is that typically we are going to have to shell out heavily anyway to attend the wedding (travel, hotels, time off work, present, etc ...).

solerina

In my experience if its a one night hen then the meal & accomm for the bride are split between the rest of those attending, it usually means 10-20 euro each extra so no one normally minds.
If it was something on a grander/larger/more expensive scale then just cover the brides meal by splitting between the group.

jimd2

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Jays, I've been bridesmaid twice, and with the other bridesmaids paid for everything for the bride both times.

The second time was fine, it was just a meal.

But the first, it was two nights away in a hotel and a big meal one of the nights. Me and the two other bridesmaids paid for the bride's accommodation and dinner. I was just finished college at the time and it was difficult to afford. I think being a bridesmaid cost me the guts of €1000! I was a bit ignorant of wedding traditions then, not being a very a weddingy kind of person, so just went along with it.

At the hen for first wedding, one of the friends of the bride thought everyone's meal was going to be paid for by the bridesmaids. :eek: Really awkward having to pull her aside and ask her for her share.[/QUOTE]

I wonder did the bride give that impression to her friends, she sounds like a bride who is capable of that is she was capable of getting someone just out of college to pay for her accomodation etc.

MadDog76

Gatica wrote: »

Been to a number of hens, for most, including mine (the organisation wasn't my doing), the bridesmaids or organisers absorbed the cost of the bride into the price of the group.
As MadDog said, the quote is usually presented to the group, without breakdown, e.g. it's X amount for 1 night, dinner and activity... it's usually based on the number of people who said they'd be going. Don't know what happens if someone pulls out.
The Bridesmaid certainly wouldn't be paying up by herself, not for the bride and certainly not for the group, unless it was a couple of drinks at someone's house.



really awkward for her tbh to presume to be such a leech...

People dropping out has never been an issue as all money is paid upfront to the Bestman before anything is booked, if you don't pay by a set date then it's assumed you're not going.

Dial Hard

Just split the cost of the bride's meal amongst the group. I had my hen in Kinsale and paid for my own flight, accommodation etc. Weddings are expensive enough without expecting guests to shell out for the bride & groom's room & board for the hen/stag too.

Tarzana2

jimd2 wrote: »

I wonder did the bride give that impression to her friends, she sounds like a bride who is capable of that is she was capable of getting someone just out of college to pay for her accomodation etc.

It was more the chief bridesmaid who steamed ahead with the plans and informed the rest of us of the cost, whilst not asking our opinions on anything. Fun times.

Gatica

MadDog76 wrote: »

People dropping out has never been an issue as all money is paid upfront to the Bestman before anything is booked, if you don't pay by a set date then it's assumed you're not going.

Sorry my post wasn't clear. The money is usually paid up front, but I don't know if the quoted amount would change if someone doesn't pay up at booking stage... i.e. if you have 10 girls going, then cost of a 150 Euro for bride would be 15 each in addition, however if someone doesn't pay or decide to go that earlier said they were going, that means that that 15 they were going to be paying is now either being split between the remaining 9, or being covered by the organiser...

MadDog76

Gatica wrote: »

Sorry my post wasn't clear. The money is usually paid up front, but I don't know if the quoted amount would change if someone doesn't pay up at booking stage... i.e. if you have 10 girls going, then cost of a 150 Euro for bride would be 15 each in addition, however if someone doesn't pay or decide to go that earlier said they were going, that means that that 15 they were going to be paying is now either being split between the remaining 9, or being covered by the organiser...

It's never been issue for me .......... for example one Stag's weekend I went on was to Amsterdam so I (being Bestman) sent out an e-mail to everybody on the list asking who was and wasn't going and got about 35ish replies from those who were going ........ sent out another e-mail with the cost per lad and the deadline date I needed the money ........ got all the money and booked everything with it that needed paying upfront and deposited the rest of the cash in my account to use over in Amsterdam for activities (don't ask!) ......... of course a couple of weeks before the Stag weekend 3 lads all said they had to drop out with 1 looking for a refund but I just told him "sorry you can't make it but no refund as it would increase the cost for everybody else" and that was that.