Ungrateful Mother's Day

jaysblades

Am I wrong here, or can someone offer insight to her thinking? For Mother's Day I had planned a family pick nick followed by a trip to the shops to buy something (expensive) she mentioned in passing last week that she had her eye on. The kids both made something for her. But I didn't get her a card from me, so now she won't get dressed and come out. I do everything I can for her all the time, I get up to the kids every night, put them to bed every night, get up with them every morning. Everything she wants I strive to get for her, now I feel like dirt because of a card. Am I missing something here ladies ?

Nervous Wreck

You're missing a card; one of the most underrated gestures by men. Probably a good idea to just apologise. She's definitely overreacting tbh but it's kind of a two way street. A card woulda been pretty easy to pick up.

Cathmandooo

A card from you? Is this to your wife? She's not your mother, why would you give her a card? Making sure the kids have organised something is important but you did that or they made something in school. She's being very unreasonable if that's the case. Perhaps there's more to it.

bjork

She's being totally unreasonable. As said, she is not your mother, why would you get her a card? Her children made her ones.



If she would get out of the bed, tbh I'd head off with the children on the picnic and leave her there

Typer Monkey

Oh for god's sake she's being ridiculous and ruining what could've been a lovely family day for her children.

My husband is working today so I didn't even get a lie on, I'm not well and I didn't get any card or present and I couldn't care less.

Does she usually overreact and sulk for silly reasons?

Big Bag of Chips

I thought you were talking about your own mother!

She's overreacting. Is she usually childish about things? I got various versions of cards from the kids that were made at school, or at home etc. I got an assortment of sweet packets, that suspiciously enough are the types of sweets that my children like (and when being handed them I was even asked "when can we have them?". Which still doesn't beat the year I got handed a box of sweets and without even saying "Happy Mothers Day", I was told "They're not all for you"!)

I'm delighted with myself today. My kids are happy and excited about all the surprises they gave me and to me that's what Mothers Day, Christmas Day, Birthdays etc is all about.

As suggested by someone else - bring the kids off for the day. Let her stay in bed if that's what she wants.

zeffabelli

She is reacting disproportionately.

However, you have spoiled her so you helped create this.

There is no consensus on cards. I think they are a waste of money myself.

I have never received a mother's day card or gift from my child. Does it make me sad? Yes. Do I throw a strop and sulk? No. I carry on.

bp

I got a handmade card and just asked for a few flowers (not expensive ones) from my hubby - child is two. But explicitly said no gift and only asked for flowers as I am having a tiring pregnancy and they were 6e in Tesco!!!!

Personally I think she is over reacting but we are not a card and present type of family

Saralee4

Is she particular about cards? Some people are.

My mam cries when you give her a card whereas it wouldn't effect me whatsoever. She gets all emotional over the printed writing or poem in the card which I feel is just some persons cheesy non personal way of saying what the actual person is supposed to say.

Anyway each to their own. My husband didn't get me a card but he made me a lovely breakfast. My daughter made me a card.

Your not wrong at all imo but your wife might not be able to see that.

Just explain that you didn't realise the importance she placed on you getting her a card and you tried your best to make it a special day for her because that is what happened.

Anyway I imagine it has all blown over now and you are all probably relaxing after the very thoughtful picnic you planned.

kylith

If she's blowing off what sounds like a lovely family day out because she's gotten pissy about 2 euro's worth of card she is definitely overreacting. I'd tell her I was sorry she wasn't feeling up to it, but the children have been promised a day out so the rest of the family is still going for their day out.

jaysblades

Thanks for the advise , I said sorry there was no card and said we're going out . It's probably my fault for spoiling her as mentioned . She said from now on cancell Mother's Day and valentines day in this house as I didn't get her a card for valentines either. I'll admit I didn't but we went out to a show and stayed in a hotel the night before , and I got her a coffee machine and fit bit as a valentines present, I even wasn't sure which coffee she liked so I got one box of each kind to make sure. I got nothing btw, not that I care, I just like her being happy, but today opened my eyes.

SurferRosa

Hi, I'm a mother of 3, and I love cards. My husband doesn't see the fuss but accepts that they're important to me.
What I learned after being in a relationship with him for a while is that it's unfair to expect him to think like I do about these things.
Instead of just expecting a card, I specifically mentioned before that I love cards and I would appreciate it if he gets me one for my birthday. I don't care about Valentines, Christmas, Anniversary etc. he knows it means a lot and he does put a little effort into writing a nice line in a card. That all I need. Presents are usually a token gift or a specific item I asked for (for him I pay attention to things he likes and figure out a present myself, but he doesn't think like that so I just accept it.)
As for Mother's Day, it's surely enough for the kids to give you something? I got 3 homemade cards and a necklace made out of wheetos on a string! My husband didn't get me anything from him, I don't see why he should!
I think your wife has an awful cheek to be honest. I wouldn't buy her that expensive item now for sure. Did she act put out in front of the kids? If so that's really selfish.
In the past early on in our relationship I got a bit huffy when he didn't get me a birthday card, but it's not like I would have refused to leave the house over it. I just ended up learning that it was easier for us to discuss our expectations beforehand and come to an agreement so no one gets offended!

Mourinho

jaysblades wrote: »

Thanks for the advise , I said sorry there was no card and said we're going out . It's probably my fault for spoiling her as mentioned . She said from now on cancell Mother's Day and valentines day in this house as I didn't get her a card for valentines either. I'll admit I didn't but we went out to a show and stayed in a hotel the night before , and I got her a coffee machine and fit bit as a valentines present, I even wasn't sure which coffee she liked so I got one box of each kind to make sure. I got nothing btw, not that I care, I just like her being happy, but today opened my eyes.

You did all that and got nothing back?....

Your doing too much for her is the problem, she sounds like a right spoilt princess.

RentDayBlues

Dear god your wife needs to get over herself! Seriously, sulking over not getting a card from her husband on mothers day?? It's Mother's Day, not spoiled brat day! What sort of an example is she setting your kids?

Lisha

Mourinho wrote: »

You did all that and got nothing back?....

Your doing too much for her is the problem, she sounds like a right spoilt princess.

I really agree with this post.
Husband did not get me a card, but he made sure kids had stuff made and presented to me. Along with a Ferraro rocher (that he found in press he did not buy another box as I'm doing unislim. And i hate flowers ). We all went out for lunch and as its midmonth we split the Bill as money slightly tight. I lounged on couch all day really I think I had a great day.
Life is what you make it after all.
I really think there is a shocking amount of spoilt princesses out there and I'm so glad that im not. I also will try to ensure that my daughter and son know about mutual respect in a relationship, this spoiling lark is just silly tbh.

Out of interest what usually happens on fathers day op?

Carlos Orange

Pretty poor show on her part I think but people vary on what they expect for stuff like this. How did she handle fathers day?

jaysblades

I got a lie in and brekie in bed and the kids made me something. I don't get a card but I say I don't want them, I hate bloody cards espically Hallmark holiday ones. I don't need a day for being a father, and I don't need a love day, I show it and say it every day, likewise I show her respect for being the mother of my kids every day.

Sunny Dayz

Yes your wife does appear ungrateful. Once she got a card from your kids, or something or some way of the kids marking the day, nothing else should matter. My husband does get me a "to my wife on Mother's Day" card but if he didn't it wouldn't bother me once I got a card from my son.

zoobizoo

Next event just get her a card and only a card.

See what the reaction is.

December2012

I don't agree with your wife BUT......

You don't seem to understand why she got upset. A woman like that probably has no problem telling you what's upsetting her. Are you listening?

Maybe she didn't need the big things you do, but wanted the card. Maybe it's cards that she values, not coffees, etc. and maybe she loved those presents but also wanted a card too. That's not greedy in my view.

She did tell you she wanted a card, so I can't understand why you didn't get her one.

mapaco

Oh my god I don't know how people like this manage to snare partners.
She sounds like such hard hard work and totally ungrateful.
I agree with the poster above-next occasion-just a card and nothing else.
I got a card FROM MY SON and a box of chocs-a card from my husband would just be weird......I'm not his mother!!

beyondbelief67

I can't understand how a mother can say that mothers day is banned in your house when it is so special to her children ?
I really hope they didn't hear her saying it as after the effort they went to making her those things little cards and present in school that would totally of crushed them.
I still have the things my children made for me years later and they are more precious to me than any expensive ornament.
I hope your wife learns this too.

inocybe

sounds a bit more like depression than ingratitude. It's not a normal way to behave, unless I'm way out of touch.
Single mum, no card :eek: bought myself chocs. It's a stupid day anyway.

IlmoNT4

Why would a husband buy his wife a mothers day card?
That makes no sense....

I think she's being quite silly and ruining a lovely family day out. I hope the childern didnt hear all of this as I'm sure they were very excited to give their little presents and cards.

I'd sit her down after everyone has calmed down and get her to tell you exactly what she expects for these type of things but I would highlight that this is about mothers and their children

However in my opinion the whole thing is silly, and its for kids.

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

I don't agree with your wife BUT......

...........

She did tell you she wanted a card, so I can't understand why you didn't get her one.

She is not the OP's mother!

ronjo

December2012 wrote: »

She did tell you she wanted a card, so I can't understand why you didn't get her one.

Maybe because she is not his mother??

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

She did tell you she wanted a card, so I can't understand why you didn't get her one.

She got a card from the kids. She is not the OP's mother! what a spoilt brat!

OP you need to throw a complete strop for not getting anything for valentines from her.
all of her self-centric me me me me attitude needs to stop.
Time to put the foot down and get a normal balanced 50-50 team approach and not a princess looking for gifts all the time and nothing in return.
Definitely call her out over this!

Good luck OP

TheBeardedLady

I feel like we're getting half of the story here, to be honest. Not putting the blame on you, OP, but this sounds like a communication breakdown and neither of you are listening to each other properly. I'm guessing you don't even know the other half of this story.

You should sit down, talk calmly and listen to each other's point of view on this. REALLY listen. I have a feeling her reaction to this is only the tip of the iceberg.

If I'm wrong, then yes, she is being unreasonable.

Gerry T

so did your wife go on the picnic day out or not ?

Did she get you a valentines day card, or a fathers day card last yr ?

robindch

jaysblades wrote: »

But I didn't get her a card from me, so now she won't get dressed and come out.

If this was out of the blue, then yes, it's completely unreasonable. But as others have pointed out, it seems like there might be other issues at play and these should probably be addressed sooner rather than later.

Mousewar

Presumably you've been facilitating this behaviour for years? I couldn't live like that. It sounds like, to put it simply, you need to stand up for yourself. Of course, that could lead to conflict and that conflict could lead to you backing down. Or if you don't and that conflict led to more serious repercussions (separation) then you have more to lose (kids).

I'd recommend marriage counselling. It would allow you to talk about the problems you're having in the relationship without your wife being able to restrict the conversation. And it would also allow a mediator to give an objective opinion on her behaviour that would help you and her to see it rationally.

Rosie Rant

You don't like getting cards yourself, so I'm guessing you don't feel bothered about giving them either. If getting a card is important to her, I understand. I love cards. I think I still have every card I have ever received! The present usually gets used up or gets too old, but a card is something you can keep forever.

However, I understand her wanting a Valentine's card, but I don't see why she wants a Mother's Day card from YOU. Her behaviour was petulant and ridiculous. You didn't give her a card, but you did do a lot of other thoughtful things, you spoiled her. She just sounds like one of those people who are just never happy. It seems like she was just looking for something to give out about. I also think it's pretty insulting that she expects so much from you but makes the minimum amount of effort on YOUR days. You obviously love her and would give her the moon and the stars if you could. But she seems to actually want the moon and the stars and nothing else will do. She is unreasonable and she needs a wake-up call. She most likely ruined the day for your kids as well.

adub

She sounds a bit <mod snip - read our charter, no diagnoses allowed> to me. not wanting to get dressed and cancelling any future days. She's punishing both you and your kids for something that isn't even a reason! I love cards, I think most women do, but I always tell my partner 'don't forget the card now' so there's never an issue. I would agree that it mostly stems from you spoiling her, and you cant complain seeing as you help this attitude by buying stuff over the odds for her. But if you see a problem with it, and I think you should, especially with your kids getting older and picking up on her behaviour, then I would start putting your foot down. You can't suddenly throw a strop but i would recommend not giving into her behaviour, ignoring her strops and continuing with your plans with your children. It's like when a child throws a tantrum in a shop and lies down kicking and screaming refusing to move. The best thing you can do is ignore them and walk on a bit, seemingly continuing with what you were doing, they soon get over it!