My Life is Sh1t

LegacyUser

Well here I am almost 37 and sitting in on a Saturday night with my 2 bottles of wine and watching DVD's on my laptop

This is what the majority of my Saturday nights are like, I work all week in a job I don't care for and sit in at the weekends drinking and watching DVD's

I have a 1 or 2 friends I go out with from time to time, but I don't really enjoy it because all I do when I am out is drink and never try and chat to girls, I am overweight and have self esteem issues so I never try and talk to girls when I am out, in fact I have never been in a relationship

I know many are going to say give up the booze but sitting in on a Saturday night and not drinking compounds the boredom and loneliness 10 fold

I know a lot about training and what needs to be done to lose the weight, but its the drink that's keeping it on me because with that comes food but if I stopped drinking I could definitely control the food ,but my Saturdays are just so boring that's why I drink

Would like some advice

5rtytry56

I don't have any straightforward answers.
Do you have an aversion to using Public Transport? If not, are you near the Dublin Bus, Luas. Are there any colleges nearby offering adult education in any course whatsoever? You sound pretty computer literate. Have you considered maybe expanding your horizons here?
You do need to lay off the vino though.

Youngblood.III

Need to lay off the booze, alcohol is a downer.
If you like movies, go to the cinema on a Sat night instead, this may help avoid the booze too.
Have you any interests, swimming? Good way to help with fitness? Join a walking club?

Youngblood.III

Here's a thought, on Saturdays, get in a walk during the day, then go for a swim in the early evening and top it off with the cinema...

IlmoNT4

I think its time for therapy.... If you can afford it, I think you need it.

You sound very lonely and stuck in a pretty rotten place. I dont think the answer for you is to shake yourself off and get out there. I think if you were in a good place mentally you would be bring the right things into your life automatically.

You dont need anyone on here to tell you that 2 bottles of wine is not healthy physically or psychologically. Nor is excessive alone time. You also know that there you need to make some changes in your life, make some new friends. I know how hard that is because your not in a good place.

Heres the deal, or what I know of being in my late 30's. Making friends isnt the same as when we were in our 20's. Most people are married and busy right? Yeah..I know I'm in the same boat. By our late 30's, pretty over going to the pub right? thats kinda been there and done that right? So you feel like a total looser. You screwed up, missed the boat, everyone else got the memo and suddenly they all had partners got married and you had no one. Yeah I know..it sucks. However you have a choice how they next phase of your life unfolds and to do that well, you need to work on how you feel about yourself.
If I'm way off the mark then my advice would be too
-stop drinking
-join meetups, go to things during the day (most of the late 30's year old target the cinema club, book club, wine etc)
-try online dating (I know its horrible, but its an introduction to the dating world and at least gets you in the game)
-Pick a sport (even if you dont like sport, doesnt matter, its a place to make new friends) I'd suggest softball or tag rugby, something with a team...cycling is great, football...whatever as long as its with a bunch of people or a club where you have an opportunity to meet people.
-Get in shape, join a gym, get a personal trainer, start meditating, eat healthy, feel good about yourself.
-Those 1 or 2 friends, talk to them about how you feel...see if you can setup a regularly meet up once a month for lunch or lunch and an event
-Dublins free event guide is full or free things to do from events to talks etc. Even if you are going alone, doesnt matter, its out of the house. Make a point to talk to at least 1 person when you go ...just conversation practice
-Join societys and turn up for their meetings... Again doesnt matter if you arent passionate about it, just join to meet people.
-Strategy around Saturday night: I spend most Saturdays alone as well (everyone is married and busy and I'm over the pub thing), so I fill my Saturday day with stuff and then view Saturday evening as a special evening for me to watch a movie, cook a nice dinner for myself, take a bath..whatever it is that you like doing to unwind. For me, its a nice bath and go to bed early to read as I'm often very tired after the week and this is my recharge night. But I always have something arranged for Sunday day be it meet my family or meet a friend for coffee or just go into town for something so I dont spent the entire weekend alone. And if I do have to spend an entire weekend alone, then I accept it and spend it resting, going out for walks, reorganizing my place...I never drink alone at home, ever.

You have to look at this as a Project. No one is going to burst into your sitting room on a Saturday night and fix this for you. You need a plan and some support to get where you currently are to where you want to be. If part of that plan is to find a partner then you need a strategy for that as well. Write it all down

step 1, sort myself out emotionally and physically
step 2, make new friends and fill my life with things and people that make me happy
step 3, date, date, date...You've never been in a relationship before, so what. Go on lots of dates and see them as practice.

You need big changes and these changes require commitment, support and an attitude of -to hell with it, I'll give it a go-

Littlekittylou

To me it sounds like you are waiting to feel better about yourself so you can go out and live. So please feel better about yourself now. And start living you have as much right to be here as anyone.

Maybe ask for support to cut out drink. And no that weight or no weight you have the right to enjoy your life. Make some dreams and goals. You are perfect enough to deserve them right now.

Take up something to do on the sat that you have always wanted to.
xxx

stickyfinger

Agree with a lot of the above posters. When you go out maybe lay off the drink a little, you don't have to lay off it all, and try to go up and chat to women, plenty will be delighted and will help the conversation along so don't worry so much, remember it's only a conversation, if something happens great, if not who cares, you probably won't see them again. Don't worry about the weight either in relation to approaching women, it's not as big deal as you think it is, if someone likes you they're not going to care, though I guess that depends, if you're someone who wouldn't try chatting to a women because of a bit of weight then don't bother, but mostly weight is in the mind of the person themselves and almost negligible in the mind of the person they are talking to.
And take on a hobby, exercise is great for mental health, and it helps with starting to decrease your appetite for rubbish food. Meetup groups whether social or hobby related are a great source of meeting new people and having a bit of fun, definitely worth a look, and a lot get more popular once the weather gets better as well.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses folks, that one by loulou2009 was very informative. You hit the nail on the head Littlekittylou, I have no confidence in myself and have such low self esteem that I don't want to put myself out there, I have in my mind that I need to get in shape first which not a very healthy place to be

I live in Waterford and have checked out meet ups in the area and unfortunately its not great for here but what's stopping me from joining a group in Dublin or Cork? Both are only 1.5 to 2 hrs away, I could easily head up at the weekend and join a group there? I mean I assume there is no rules that state you must be living in the area to attend the events

With regards dating, I am going to leave that until I lose some weight because my confidence is just not there at the minute, who knows perhaps I could meet some nice girls on meetup which would be a more indirect way of meeting people, I would definitely be open to online dating in the future but I need to work on my weight/confidence issues first

DoozerT6

I can't help noticing that someone has started several identical threads to this anonymously over the past several months.....

I would suggest to anybody starting these threads to take the mountains of advice they have already been given.

cloud493

Losing weight helps with feeling ****e, from experience. And I don't drink personally, but alcohol is a downer, avoid it.

ManOfMystery

OP

There was a near identical issue posted to yours, you may find some useful advice in there also :

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057360735

jimmycrackcorm

I'd suggest joining a gym for a couple of reasons. The obvious one is for health but the other is having an activity to spend time on and get out of the house.

It's not just about getting a bit of exercise but following up with a relaxing swim and jacuzzi helps balance the feeling of eating time drinking and DVDs.

LegacyUser

I have a good idea of how you feel. Because you have not got many friends you ending up spending a lot of time on your own. Your eating and drinking for comfort but this is making you heavier and long term is not helping you.
I live on my own so I know what it is like not to be part of a couple or to have many friends. I decided to make some changes to improve my life.

I joined slimming world - if you look up www.slimmingworld.ie & click on find a group, then click co waterford. I am learning how to eat better, have syns each day for a treat. In the past 6 weeks I have lost over a stone weight. I would advise you to stay for the class as you will always pick up some tips to help you. I have a few stone to lose but I said to myself it does not matter what weight I am today there will be less of me next week and next month. I started to do the body magic which is some walking each day. As you get fitter you walk for longer. You can work towards a bronze, silver and gold award.
I met some new people and made friends doing this.

I would also advise you to stop drinking at home. Drinking wine, spirits ect only makes you more depressed. I know if I had a few drinks I would feel like eating more and it would be chips ect.

I started to get in contact with friends and arranged to meet them. I made plans for my weekends. I found that getting out of the house and meet people made me feel better. It also give me something to look forward to.
I was stuck in a bad rut going no where but even with the few changes I made in my life up to now I am starting to look and feel better.

Mayboy

Sh1tlife wrote: »

I live in Waterford and have checked out meet ups in the area and unfortunately its not great for here but what's stopping me from joining a group in Dublin or Cork? Both are only 1.5 to 2 hrs away, I could easily head up at the weekend and join a group there? I mean I assume there is no rules that state you must be living in the area to attend the events

Hey, there are really good meet ups in Carlow and Kilkenny including a really good Saturday Hillwalking group! Good luck!

Flint skirmish

Good luck man. A lot of good advice here. It won't change overnight. Trick is to get out of the house and get some exercise/fresh air. Sounds like you're festering. Hardest thing is getting out the front door. Even starting with a walk will help. Just break the cycle you're in.