Help me with my response

LegacyUser

Hi guys.

So I had a best friend for years, since we were children. She was always a little flaky, and at times would go off with new friends or boyfriends and forget about me. I, like a fool, always accepted her back and things would return to normal, until it would happen again. I was with her through everything, her breakups, her anxiety.. everything. But when I was having a hard time she was always busy or tired after work. We had a few big discussions about this, me saying I felt completely used and dumped, her saying she was so sorry and it wouldn't happen again. She has had a boyfriend about 6 months now and of course I've been forgotten again. I am both heartbroken and furious over this. I have cried so much and think about her all the time, it feels similar to the end of a relationship. One minute I miss her the next I hate her. But I have had enough this time. When the relationship ends (which I'm sure it will) she will probably txt me again. How should I respond to her txt? Should I respond at all?

I'm trying to decide which would be best - a cool, halfhearted txt which shows I'm not interested in speaking to her, or literally no response at all?

Honestly I can't believe I'm even asking this question, I hate that she's reduced me to this.

LegacyUser

I guess there are a couple of things you can do

(a) don't bother getting back in touch and delete her as a friend

(b) put her into that category of friend who you don't rely on but it;s nice to hear from every so often - so reply with a breezy text

(c) keep her where she is and let her behaviour continue to effect you in the way that it does

(d) go make new friends who will treat you with respect and want to be your friend for who you are now (with no old best friends baggage) and then choose A, B or C. You will find that she will have less of an impact on you when you widen your social circle.

You have allowed her to reduce you to this...

I have been in the same position.

blatantrereg

Can't relate to your point of view at all, or really understand it. It's normal for someone to have different levels of engagement with individual friends as their situation changes. I would find the big discussions about feeling used and dumped extremely annoying. I'd be inclined to distance myself from someone who went on like that.

If she doesn't reciprocate in terms of providing support, just don't offer more support than is convenient in future.

MrWalsh

Its hard to know if she is particularly callous or if you are particularly needy (sorry I dont mean that in a bad way at all, just meant its hard to know if you are over reacting a bit which can be understandable given a long friendship etc...). Probably a bit of both.

I wouldnt personally be into big dramatic discussions from a friend going on about feeling used and dumped etc... If you feel used and dumped then move on and stop going back to the user/dumper.

It does sound as though maybe your self esteem needs a bit of work so that you dont keep going back into a situation with someone who you feel is behaving disrespectfully to you.

What advice would you give to someone in your position?

dixiefly

I would be inclined to treat a text from her after the breakup with a "sorry about that, I am busy at the moment and I will get back to you"......and then you can forget about following up if that's what you want to do.

descheness

Being honest with with her about your feelings is always best! If you've never voiced your concern and feelings towards it, it's hard to leave all the responsibility on her for the flaws in your friendship.