Best Friend(s) has drifted away

Dickie10

hi just looking for soe advice my friends who i got on with the best in my 20s have all but drifted away. some went to dublin and i rarely see them others got girlfriends and dont want to go out with a single guy like me anymore, but my best friend really stunned me with his drift away. he got a job in intel, bought a bmw and got a girlfriend all within 2 months, he never had a girlfriend before. were both 31 but he was really wound up about getting a woman/wife, good job and basically hitting all these socieity made targets. anyway he just began not to text,ring anything! to be honest it has left me a bit depressed and peeed off. i basically ended up with no friends to go out with at weekends. i got in with another group of lads who like heding out on the pull but they dont have the same intrest as me and it seems a bit forced sometimes even though i get on well with them. i would never be able to talk to them about the things i could chat to my friend about, which was a good bit. these other lads are not even on the same level to talk about anything that i find intersting like current affairs or sport, there just drink and mindless crap.

i never thought i would miss being able to chat to my friends and just have fun with them about in joke and stuff. i think i need a new set of friends with similar intrests but its hard to find. im still a bit pissed off at my best friends actions of ignoring me for the last 5 months. its kind of gone so long now that i dont think we will ever be the same again.

i love heading off socialising and racing, drinking basically enjoying singledom, but my circle of friends has diminished to nothing now, does anyone else have these problems?

Kevin McCloud

If all i had was your problem op i would be a happy man.

Macavity.

Dickie10 wrote: »

i love heading off socialising and racing, drinking basically enjoying singledom, but my circle of friends has diminished to nothing now, does anyone else have these problems?

Yes.

DoYouEvenLift

Have you tried contacting them? Or is this one of those cases where you expect them to always be the ones to make contact

Lapin

That's the way life goes.

Few people maintain the same close friendships with the same people throughout their lives.

duffman13

You enjoy drinking too much, most men who still go out in large groups on the pull in there 30s aren't going to deliver the intellectual current affairs debates you crave. "Look at the nips on your one" is probably as good as it's gonna get conversation wise.

Wacker The Attacker

Steak and blow job day could have been made for this exact scenario

Mint Aero

What you need is a good cleat hitch knot to stop her drifting away.

Cee-Jay-Cee

You say he just began not to text,ring anything, were you still contacting/texting and ringing him? Was he ignoring your messages or not answering the phone? What efforts have you made???

buried

Surround yourself with the hobbies and interests that entertain you and nobody else. Stop looking for glorification on what you perceive the rest of world or the "majority" to "enjoy" and enjoy what you enjoy doing instead

the_syco

Dickie10 wrote: »

these other lads are not even on the same level to talk about anything that i find intersting like current affairs or sport, there just drink and mindless crap.

Check out http://www.meetup.com

Friendships are a two way thing, and if you feel they're leaving you behind, consider that they saw you as dead weight. You mention your mate got a job, a car and a woman within two months? Sounds like he moved to Dublin, found out about the clubs, met some young wan, and got a car with the new paycheque.

You'd do yourself good if you make some goals yourself for two months, and possibly move away from your comfort zone?

Dickie10

no he wasnt out at all, then one night he went out he met the woman and that was that, i have a feeling he prob didnt enjoy the social scene like i did. i wouldnt dink that much at all really. just like having a bit of dinner, few drinks take in a game or a show or a day at the races, stuff like that! i suppose lads with women have their eye set on a house or saving up and that craic. i wouldnt be a big spender but enjoy the craic all the same.

yes i asked him was he going out here and there but he didnt want to he said si got pissed off after that left him at it! ps whats steak and blowjob day??

Fentdog84

I know where you are coming from op, Im in my early 30's too and I have mates/ex mates who are now gone off married or in LTR since which Ive hardley seen them. You ask them to meet up for a pint or a chat but they're always too busy or dont reply. Top be honest, except in one or two cases it dosent bother me all that much. Im not into having relationships myself but I understand how your life can change when you get into one. I was a bit annoyed at one mate in particular who practically went missing for six months when he met a girl but was all over me again like a rash to go out etc when it was all over. Then he met another girl soon afterwards and he dissapeared again. Bad form imo. But hey, thats life i suppose.

Baby Jane

It hurts but ya gotta move on (difficult as that may seem).
Pour that energy into taking up activities, particularly ones that involve meeting people.

SouthTippBass

Thats life lad, people wont stay the same forever. Accept your buddy has moved on to different things, and it sounds like its time for you to do the same. Knock the drinking on the head, times a wastin and theres much more to do. Get yourself a hobby.

nullzero

WILSONNNNNN!

skittles8710

It seems all your efforts have been around getting your friend out for a pint. Why not suggest lunch, game of squash / pool or just calling over to his place to watch a game. Maybe he's avoiding meeting up because he doesn't fancy the session anymore and would be up for a quieter rendezvous

podgemonster

If it's your best friends first time having a girlfriend and a professional job then he's not used to managing them both and doesn't realize he's neglecting his existing relationships. I don't think he intentionally has put you out of his life but has been distracted with new challenges.

Also there's nothing to say that you can't text or call him and see how his life is going.

My one advice would be to pick a weekend in the future and plan a trip away whether it be to Sligo or Budapest. My old pals are fairly scattered but we make an effort every year to get on a cheap Ryanair flight and it's one of the best weekends of the year.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Dickie10 wrote: »

yes i asked him was he going out here and there but he didnt want to he said si got pissed off after that left him at it! ps whats steak and blowjob day??

So your friends are only of use to you for going out socialising ? Have you never just called over to his house and sat in and chatted and watched TV? Bring a few cans or bottle of wine if you want but no real need.

dont bother

OP i have the same thing.
i'm 31 too, and it just seems to be the way of it. You're 31! the reason i "drifted" away from my gang was because they are of that age too, but they continue to go on the session every weekend to get as wasted as they did in their twenties, or more-so. two of them had been in LTR's and just like that dumped their GF's for no real reason, other than to go on the session for about 3/4 of a year and take loads of p!lls and c0ke and using the break up as an excuse... still using the excuse months later and getting annoyed with me for not wanting to be part of their junkie lifestyles.

i stopped answering calls because they only came to me on a friday night when they'd be looking for someone to take drugs with...

i think the reality is that some people tend to grow out of all of that stuff as they get older. my body couldnt take it now anyway, and looking at my old gang, i wouldnt want to be them in a couple of years time - if they're still around that is, at the rate they go at.

annoying, but there's plenty of other ways to enjoy yourself - you dont need a big gang of mates to have fun in life. just find something YOU enjoy, go and do it, and you'll make friends who are into the same things that way.

biko

dont bother wrote: »

two of them had been in LTR's

Gandalf and Frodo?

frozenfrozen

maybe your friend just wanted to move his life on from going out drinking every weekend

swimming in a sea

I don't think I've had any male friends since I've left college about 12 years ago, I've never hung on to friends. I left school friends behind when I went to college, I can get on great with colleagues in work having a laugh but I would not talk to them after work and when I've left jobs I've never talked to them again.


I wish my girlfriend was the same but she picks up new friends where ever she goes or works and they seem to never go away

FalconGirl

Dickie10 wrote: »

no he wasnt out at all, then one night he went out he met the woman and that was that, i have a feeling he prob didnt enjoy the social scene like i did. i wouldnt dink that much at all really. just like having a bit of dinner, few drinks take in a game or a show or a day at the races, stuff like that! i suppose lads with women have their eye set on a house or saving up and that craic. i wouldnt be a big spender but enjoy the craic all the same.

yes i asked him was he going out here and there but he didnt want to he said si got pissed off after that left him at it! ps whats steak and blowjob day??

'met the woman'

Eddie Durkan is that you?

Dickie10

ha havin a bit of a laff there at the eddie durkan comment, it did sound bad alrite. yeah i really hate the way these lads saddle up to me for nights out on a saturday afternoon and not a word all week. like i dont really know two lads but i think they seen me as a social hound who organises nights out and a good wing man. this is probarbly why i noticed my friennds abscence of late. i have nothing in common with these las other than there "sound". it becomes very boring very quickly drinking with people like this. id almost rather go out myself. one of them met a girl a few weeks ago and then that was it, no contact for 3 weeks when they parted company and he was back calling me sat afternoon!

thanks for the advice i think i will give the next shift i get a good rattle and see where it goes, this wwouldnt be usually my style but probarbly where other lads end up getting into LTR, all a bit scary!! sould i not know when i meet "the one"???