Gutted

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Just hoping some of you can get me on the right road or advise me. Here's the story.

Two years ago I found out my long term boyfriend had various profiles on multiple dating sites. He swore to me it was just some fun and he had never an intention of meeting these women. Yet from what I had seen he had given them his phone number and his Skype contact details. He was asking for sexy pics and it was all of a seedy sexual nature.

After weeks of arguments, I couldn't handle the disrespect and mistrust and I left him. I was heartbroken, this was the man I had planned my future with.

For six months he begged me to try again and I guess in the end he wore me down and I did miss him, we had amazing good times too. So, I cautiously gave it another shot. For the past year and a half all has been great. He has been amazing, and no signs of him on any dating sites.

Just today I find his Skype open on his iPad - he had ran out to take an important call. He didn't see me wander into the room via the other door. To say what I saw open on Skype almost made me puke on the spot. He had been camming and chatting full on sexual chat with some tart. I quickly had a closer look and it appears he has a multitude of women whom he has regular contact with. I just wanted to die and ran to the bathroom, locked myself in and puked my guts up.

I can't believe he has done this to me again. The guy must have some sort of addiction. He can ignore his girlfriend of 6 years text messages but yet spends all his time skyping sluts.

I just ran to my mums and am crying as I type this. What do I do now? I just can't think straight and feel sick constantly. I don't know how I will sleep tonight.

Thank you all if you can input in any way

ColeTrain

Don't blame yourself. You gave him another chance when a lot of people wouldn't have and he has burned you.

Look at the bright side, it's better you discovered this now rather than down the line. Keep your head up and move on.

giggle84

You poor thing, I know what it's like to forgive someone and take them back, only for them to repeat the behaviour down the line. I was left feeling stupid for a long long time for taking him back. Bit it was not my fault and was not a reflection on me, and this is not your fault and is not a reflection on you. It's his problem, his fault. But it does show a lack of respect for you and your relationship.

Everyone deserves a second chance, but not a third. You gave him another chance and he has blown it, he is not going to change. As a previous poster said, it's far better you found this out now rather than even further down the line.

Mind yourself xx

njs030

Firstly I think you should stop calling them sluts and tarts. It's not their fault your boyfriend is unfaithful and you've no right to call them names.

Your problem is with him, so forget about the other women and concentrate on the issue. By the looks of things he has no intention of stopping and it will be hard for you to trust him.

You could try counselling to see about getting to the bottom of it I'd you feel the relationship is worth saving?

DeltaWhite

First off OP, you wrote that thread last night. Have you actually spoken to your bf about it yet? Have you confronted him at all? I'm going to be honest, I would not be giving him another chance. Sorry OP, but 2 chances is enough, if you gave him another it would be a waste of time. How could you ever trust him again after this? You already forgave him once. If I was you I would not be forgiving again, more like forgetting about him once and for all.

gsi300024v

Agreed. they're not sluts. I doubt he tells them he has you.
He might very well have an addiction to this type of behaviour.
Even if he gets help I'd be advising to leave if it hurts you this much.
He'd be getting help because of you most likely, not because he actually wants to get help. And even if he got help it might take a long time to sort out.
Possibly he didn't want to be in the relationship with you so left it out knowing you'd find it and you'd break up, possibly not brave enough to say it to you.
I'd not try to figure it out, just move on and try put it behind you. Possibly see a counsellor to work through how it's made you feel and so you don't fall for him or someone like him again.

Max Leo

Sounds like an addiction. Either he gets help and you work with him or you need to end it. Simple as I'm afraid.

Blue Iris

He has shown himself to be profoundly deceitful. It's devastating for you and deeply humiliating but if you can, try to focus on seeing that he is the one with this personality defect and not you. I firmly believe that people who have the capacity to knowingly deceive someone they love and to disregard the impact of this on their partner are hugely lacking in empathy. They might be able to talk the talk, but they can't walk the walk, to use a cliche. This lack of empathy means they will never care enough about you to want to ensure that they don't hurt you. They just want to make sure they don't get caught and falsely believe that if they are clever or careful enough they can have their secret life (be it sexual, financial or whatever form of deceit) and everything will be fine.

Don't blame yourself for trusting him again. It's a very understandable that you did it when you were so fond of him. Focus on trying to build yourself back up. When you have got over the upset you're feeling now, you will eventually be grateful for the fact that you discovered the truth about him and didn't get stuck with him for many more years. Best of luck.

MikeSD

It's so easy to allow the unfaithful actions of our significant other to be blurred by our love for them. Just make sure you look at things objectively when you are analysing the situation you are in.

shaymus27

It's diabolical to discover what he did and to then have that feeling of sickness in the bottom of your stomach. I'm sure your heart is aching and your head is spinning.

I know nothing of possible addictions such as what he may or may not have.

As a possibility I can only guess from lacking knowledge but anyway...he is probably immature. He may only be with you to not be by himself. He doesn't seem to have much of a conscience. He doesn't seem to feel too guilty about things that he knows are wrong. He has no problem in being deceitful about something that isn't acceptable to be deceitful about. He doesn't seem to respect you enough or think you are enough for him. I'm sure there are many men who look up porn, pics of women in magazines but connecting with someone via Skype is much worse obviously.

It must be heart wrenching for you. If you knew he had a physical affair it would be more black and white.

It's a diabolical decision with your stomach and heart in knots. You've invested a lot in this relationship.

I fear you will never be able to trust him again really. Unless a woman has low self esteem or is worrying they mightn't meet someone else, I would imagine most would dump him.

Can't see how a future relationship with him would be healthy. You will be over - vigilant. He will be under compliment or deceitful again.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes the heart wants what's bad for it. That's when the head has to over-rule the heart. Is this one of those times? It would be for me. I don't think I would ever think I was really respected or cared about in truth.

There are people who have an ability to manipulate, deceive, be charming and you would think they are decent and sincere. You never get to know what's really going on in their mind. We tend to hear about the high profile cases but I'm sure there are lots of lessor everyday people in everyday life behaving like this. How well do you really know this guy after going out with him so long?

Good luck with your decision.

Littlekittylou

The guy must have some sort of addiction.

This. He is a lost cause.

There are people who have an ability to manipulate, deceive, be charming and you would think they are decent and sincere. You never get to know what's really going on in their mind. We tend to hear about the high profile cases but I'm sure there are lots of lessor everyday people in everyday life behaving like this. How well do you really know this guy after going out with him so long?

Amen.

It's not just an addiction. It's a personality type. They are happy to hurt people. They see people as things to be used to please them. When they are caught and people are hurt they don't think how can I stop hurting others they think 'How can I make this person go back to a way that pleased me'.

I am not saying people who cheat are addicts in this way.

He doesn't seem to have much of a conscience. He doesn't seem to feel too guilty about things that he knows are wrong. He has no problem in being deceitful about something that isn't acceptable to be deceitful about.

It's also a power thing. To try and have many people running after them.

So sorry op.