Seems to have a lot of problems at the moment

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I think this will be a bit of a rant if nothing else to clear my head and any advice after would be great.
So I'm in my fourth year of college. It's quite stressful as it is but my dissertation supervisor isn't making it any easier on me. I've gone to the course head several times but there isn't much she can do. My supervisor is always changing her mind, giving out to me for things that aren't my fault, ignoring what I say but then giving out the next time I see her for not doing something I suggested doing but she ignored and so on. She messed up a lot of my testing by leaving out things and doing other things wrong. Every time I see her I come out frustrated. I'm still waiting on correction work I sent in a few weeks ago. Her attitude stinks as well. She treats me as though I'm an idiot and she knows everything, despite this being her first year supervising.

Financially, I'm a bit screwed. I worked on work placement last year for free which ate into my savings which I would usually use between grants. Now I've 60 euro left in my bank account which is to last me until my next grant installment, which could be any time. It's been a stuggle all year financially and due to this, my friends are getting more and more frustrated that I'm not going anywhere with them and that I'm refusing all their ideas of going places for the summer.
I also wanted to start a postgrad diploma course next year as my current course has little to no job prospects on its own. However, I can't afford this and would need to apply for a loan. Given my current financial situation, I'm not sure how likely a loan is going to be accepted and since we've always struggled for money, I'm worry about having debt. At home, job prospects are near zero and my mother needs help at home whenever I can.

This brings me onto my home life. It's not great. Currently, my brother (lets call him John) is causing a lot of stress and anger in the house. I'm not living at home when I'm at college so I only hear about it. My mother is also in college an hour away from home so my other brother is sometimes left to look after my younger brother until she returns. However, my other brother (lets call him Mike) doesn't have the patience to handle behaviour problems and so things often esculate into an argument. This is causing strain on the family and I know it's wearing my mother down. Recently, my mother sent John to live with his father for a while because she couldn't cope anymore with the stress he was causing. I love my family and it kills me to hear that it's falling apart like that. Not long ago, I fell out with my own father when he hit Mike. This meant I was no longer allowed to see my other young sisters who I was very close to. Hearing that John was out of the house and I won't see him the next time I get home (which is only once a semester) was quite upsetting. It's understandable, he really can be a handful and after so many years of trying everything under the sun, it can wear anyone down but I can't helping thinking that I keep losing siblings and I can't help worrying about the effects being sent to live with his father might have on him.

I also have a few medical issues I'm worried about but I can't afford to go to the doctor. I have a medical card but it's only accepted with my own GP which I can't get home to. It's a choice between two/three weeks worth of food or going to the doctor and that doesn't include any prescriptions on top of that that I may need.

I've never asked for money because we never had it. My father (who split from my mother when myself and Mike were toddlers) would, but he'd always say no to anything we ask for so we soon stopped asking. Anything nice we got, we knew it was worked hard for so there was always a sense of guilt along with it. So now, I hate asking people for anything. My boyfriend is taking me on a weekend trip after my exams this year because of the stress of fourth year (he doesn't know about any of the rest or the extent of my money problems) and although I'm very very grateful and I'm looking forward to it, it's also something that's causing me to feel quite a bit of guilt. The only other times I've been away was with Make A Wish and with my granny who won a bit of money and wanted to go somewhere but had nobody to go with.

Life hasn't really been easy. As an individual and as a family, we've been through an awful lot that hasn't been mentioned here. Usually I can just put a smile on it and keep going but with the stress of my final year on top of it, it's a lot more difficult. On top of all that, my dog, is getting old and having more and more health problems. He's been the thing that has kept me going the whole time and I owe my sanity to him so I don't know if I can cope when he gets PTS. I'm even crying just writing this. I tried the free councilling service last semester in the college but I found it a bit useless. I'm not a talker. I actually physically feel sick at the idea of speaking to someone about problems and although I tried, I had to change topic before I started hyperventilating. I hate people seeing me cry and I hate talking to people about myself. I always ended up just talking about pointless stuff and getting nowhere and the person I was seeing never tried to change that. Writing stuff is a lot easier to emotionally detach from.

I apologise if this post is a bit choppy. I was trying to get everything in without creating a novel.

Meathlass

Hi OP,

You should be able to access a doctor through your college. Perhaps have a word with the Student Services Office and explain your situation, no one should be under that level of stress. Every college has a student hardship fund that's for emergencies like you're experiencing.

Are you documenting your interactions with your supervisor? I would go back to the Head of School and explain again the situtation. You should not be loosing marks becuase of someone else's inepitude - it's your thesis and your supervisor doesn't really care about it so you have to stand up for yourself. If she's telling you something and then changing her mind the next meeting this is totally unacceptable.

Nymeria

Hi OP, I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I'm in my final year of a degree also, and the stress of the honours project is horrible. Clearly you and your supervisor are not getting along, and butting head - this is not helpful or productive for you.

You said 'she messed up a lot of my testing leaving out things and doing other things wrong'. Unless I'm misunderstanding something, there's no way your supervisor should be doing any of your experiment for you...she is simply there to guide you and make suggestions. I have met with my supervisor a few times and he would look at my results, suggest some statistical analysis etc, but the actual testing is done by the student, so I don't understand that bit of your post.

Like a previous poster mentioned, you could possibly log your meetings with her, and make a note of any instances where you feel she is being unfair. Although it must be said, if you aren't getting along with her in general, and criticism or suggestions she might make may be seen in a very harsh light or interpreted badly.
'She treats me as though I'm an idiot and she knows everything, despite this being her first year supervising'. Often when we don't like someone, everything they do annoys us, and every comment is taken as a slight against us.

Again, I'm sorry to say that may be how you feel, it doesn't mean that her intentions are to sabotage your work. Whatever you feel about her credentials or merits, she is supposed to be there to help and guide you. Maybe you should take a break from meetings with her, work on your own for a while.

Obviously this is just my perspective from reading your post, only you know yourself whether you can handle dealing with her from now on. I know we were told if we had major problems with a supervisor, they would facilitate us to change to someone else, but only if things were really bad. Is there any way you could talk directly to her, and be clear and say you are not feeling supported and would like to change supervisor?

In terms of post graduate funding, there are some options. If you are already in receipt of the grant you should be eligible for assistance in paying postgraduate fees. http://www.studentfinance.ie/mp9543/postgraduate-students/index.html

Right now you are struggling financially, there should be a student assistance fund that you University has in place for people in your situation. I would urge you to talk to someone in the university about availing of it.
http://www.studentfinance.ie/mp7235/student-assistance-fund/index.html

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies!

Meathlass- I'm afraid the doctor in the college is still quite expensive. Is the fund available all year? I was under the impression there's just a set amount which gets used up quite quickly. I have most of what my supervisor does on email and I've brought that to the Head of School but she just said she'll talk with the supervisor and monitor it but there's very little more she can do.

Nymeria- She was giving me a hand during the more busy times. The schedule meant that many of the participants overlapped and I was run off my feet. She wanted me to get as many done as possible. It also meant that I was going days without sitting or eating to get everything done. I did all the organising and am currently doing all the statistical analysis myself. I did think that about not liking her skewing my perception but I'm not the only one who thinks she's being unfair. By treating me like an idiot, I mean things like I would suggest something and she would give me a look and go "no, why would you do that?" or sometimes she'd just blink at me when I speak. Then she would blame me if something goes wrong, whether it was something I could control or not. She treats her other dissertation student the same but the other student doesn't see her too often.

Oh, I don't think she's purposely sabotaging it at all. It's just that there's starting to be a pattern where would have some involvement in it going badly, such as some of the tests getting messed up, not having the tests done when everyone else was doing there's (emailed her in January to sort stuff out and she emailed me back telling me I wasn't testing until Febuary, and then two weeks ago told me she was holding me responsible for not doing the tests in January) and so on. Unfortunately, we're a very small department and there is no other supervisor for me.

The course isn't in Ireland (although it is distance learning) so I don't think I'm eligible for any funding. As far as I'm aware anyway. Would be great if I was.

Meathlass

AllTogether wrote: »

Thanks for the replies!

Meathlass- I'm afraid the doctor in the college is still quite expensive. Is the fund available all year? The course isn't in Ireland (although it is distance learning) so I don't think I'm eligible for any funding. As far as I'm aware anyway. Would be great if I was.

Ah, my replies were based on an Irish college so I really couldn't comment otherwise. I would still approach the college, there may or may not be money available. Do you have a charity locally like Saint Vincent de Paul that you could also approach?