Advice

aca2801

hi all,

I would like some objective advice. There was this guy I was seeing for the past 3mths...

We get on extremely well etc talked to each other everyday etc except for last week, when I didnt hear from him for a few days. Tbh i did not mind because I was busy with work & he prob knew I would have little time to contact him.

Anyway, was talking to him this weekend & I know its over.. I suppose I am the the sort of girl who would find it hard to commit and I was finally going to but he turns around and is like I could do way better than him. Like what does he mean by this?

I cant even talk 2 him & 2bh I dont want to, I just cannot understand how he can fill my head with so much crap that he really likes me etc and i thought he was bit too much for me cos he was bout meeting his parents which I wasn't really responding to.


I am so bad at relatiionships that I am like what am I doing wrong... Im really annoyed by this because I did like him and was beginning to trust but i will get over it. Any advice would be great.:)

Saralee4

You mentioned that you are the type that finds it hard to commit so have you been giving him this vibe? Maybe he thinks your not that interested.

Do you always leave him to contact you?

Can you think of any recent event or slight awkwardness that occurred that made him think to finish with yyou?

Do you want to continue relationship with him? Maybe you could ask for another try or even it doesn't sound like you have officially called it a day so bring up the fact that you noticed him becoming distant and want to sort it out.

LegacyUser

I could have written that myself! Just finished with somone a few weeks ago after 3 or 4 months. Literally it was him who did all the chasing, on about meeting parents going on holidays together etc. Then he started going cold, convinced me he was stressed and that he'd make it up to me etc. So I convinced myself I was being paranoid and I convinced mysef this really great lad actually really liked me! Then we went out and he was just horrible to me so we had a fight. Stormed out on me and wouldn't respond to calls or texts for a few days and I apologised for what I had said even though he had far more to apologise for. Then I got an absolute bullsh!t breakup text message from him. Just feel played and foolish for believing he liked me and I feel awful that he didn't speak to me or call because we could have stayed friends as I felt myself that he wasn't the one (there were some things about him that would have bothered me in the longterm) but it hit me really hard nonethless, a real slap in the face and I guess neither of us will never know what was going on in their heads. Were they lying the whole time or did they honestly just change their mind in the drop of a hat or did an ex re surface or something? Then my friends say he was probably a commitment phobe but he was the one talking about getting serious so I wonder if he thought I wasn't as in to him as he was into me but I honestly reassured him I liked him but didn't push him into commitment at all. I'm in an angry phase now tbh I think maybe I cared more than he or I thought! It was the way we broke up not that we broke up that bothered me more and theres just so much left unsaid and all the fun we had doesn't seem worth it after the way he treated me in the end!

Littlekittylou

I suppose I am the the sort of girl who would find it hard to commit and I was finally going to but he turns around and is like I could do way better than him. Like what does he mean by this?

I cant even talk 2 him & 2bh I dont want to, I just cannot understand how he can fill my head with so much crap that he really likes me etc and i thought he was bit too much for me cos he was bout meeting his parents which I wasn't really responding to.

It sounds like you treated him like rubbish and took him for granted and were not into him at all to be honest. Now it seems more like your ego is hurt. You must have made him feel rubbish by 'not responding etc'.

It just seems like you expected him to run around after you.

I could do way better than him. Like what does he mean by this?

Maybe you treated him like that maybe you did not treat him like he was special. Maybe he felt the two of you were worth more than a relationship like that. Maybe he felt the relationship was not worthy.

Don't pretend your commitment was about to unfold like a hook to try and reel him in. There are no carrots in relationships.

You lost what you did not treasure and look after. You failed to close the deal. So you lost. You were not putting in 100 % and not being genuine. You saw yourself as separate and higher almost as if there was something rarefied about your role. Your commitment is not greater or more rare than his. You did not care about his feelings.

I don't blame him.

People change their feelings towards you when they feel they are not getting what they need, want and deserve.