Moody partner

xXLaneyXx

I wonder does anyone else have the same problems as I do when it comes to the other half being tetchy and moody when tired.
My boyfriend is most of the time lovely and easy to get on with and great fun but when he's tired he almost turns into a completely different person. Almost unrecognisable.
He barely speaks, when he does its nit picking at me about anything or everything. He can also be insulting and brings up things from the past. Nothing major by any means but Why he brings that up I don't know. I feel uncomfortable around him now when I know he's tired. This isn't a new thing, but it's beginning to get to me after 3 years. He talks about wanting to get engaged but this behaviour is getting me down. He works hard but so do I but I would never ever take it out on anyone else and definitely not him. I like to think I remain quite an upbeat person 99% of the time.

Do I ignore him and just take myself of when hes like this?? I find confrontation very difficult so I try to ignore his behaviour instead of pulling him on it.
Does anyone else have this problem with their respective other half's? ?

Thanks guys!!

The_Conductor

Its far from unusual. He is tired. You're tired. You rub each other up the wrong way......... Its pretty normal. You do *need* to communicate though........ If you're going to talk to him about it- do it when he isn't tired.........

Ave Sodalis

OP, has he something bottled up from years ago that comes out when he's tired and not in the best mood? Is there anything on going? I think talking to him about seeing a counsillor wouldn't be a bad idea. You also need to talk together. You don't need to be confrontational about it by any means, but I think it's worth letting your partner know that his moods are starting to affect you. You need to come with ideas together about a better way to direct his bad mood that's away from you because bad day or not, tired or not, it's not fair that you're taking the fall for it. Does he do any sport or have any other hobbys? Would he consider taking up new sports/hobbys?

MagicMarker

I would say it is unusual. Yes people get tired and can get moody. But your BF takes it to a different level, where you're uncomfortable around him any time he's moody. That's not just being moody, that's being an arsehole.

Lux23

My boyfriend is exactly like that some of the time, it seems to be a family thing as all his siblings argue about things that happened years ago. Stupid things like broken toys. It's not usual, but I doubt he's the only person like that.

jopax

I would imagine that it is common enough, but that doesn't make it OK.

I know you don't like confrontation & maybe that is why he knows he can get away with his behaviour as you won't stand up to him.

Its probably become a habit to him now also that he feels comfortable treating you like that.

You need to stand up to him and make it very clear that you are not going to tolerate being a target for his frustration & if you get married & have kids it will only get worse.

Sometimes you need to just be strong enough to stand your ground & don't be bullied because that is what it sounds like.

Good luck op.

Sleepless and Manic

I feel myself getting noticeably tetchy when i'm hungry. I can feel it happening. I know its because i'm hungry but its still hard to switch off. Patience gets very sort, attitudes get negative, etc etc.

I can handle basic manners though...

ciarad11

its not that you need to confront him about his behavior, you need to tell him how you are feeling and that he makes you feel uncomfortable by the way that he is acting. if he realizes that your not happy about being treated like this then maybe his attitude will change towards you when he is tired. We all have our bad days, but bringing the past up and being insulting towards you isn't going to get him anywhere? If he keeps it up he will end up pushing you away. You need to tell him how you are feeling

communication is key in a relationship

rondog

im in the same type of relationship.My GF can get quite moody when tired but she wont chase me looking for an argument.

At this stage i know she is tired and just leave her alone and when shes normal again we just resume the norm.

xXLaneyXx

Hi folks, OP here.

Thanks for all your replies. I got really frustrated with him this week end because his attitude was the pits. He's only really come back to his nicer self today and its like a completely differnt person again.
The thing that gets me most is that he take on a lot of extra things that he doesnt need to and then because he has no rest time in the evenings he becomes unbearable.
I try to help him in the with whatever he needs but it ends up with him finding fault in everything I do and that he'd be quicker doing it on his own.

ShowMeTheCash

It is difficult to know, is he being an @ss or are you adding weight to a bad situation?

Like the last poster said, sometimes in a relationship you need to give each other a little room, if he is in a bad mood let him get on with it, sometimes trying to "help" just makes things worse!

Talk to him when in a good mood, ask him if he was you what would he do when you are being a moody pain in the @ss?

Bringing things up from the past is interesting though...

The only time I bring things up from the past is when I think my OH has not learnt a lesson and is continuing as if it did not happen!

santana75

xXLaneyXx wrote: »

Hi folks, OP here.

Thanks for all your replies. I got really frustrated with him this week end because his attitude was the pits. He's only really come back to his nicer self today and its like a completely differnt person again.
The thing that gets me most is that he take on a lot of extra things that he doesnt need to and then because he has no rest time in the evenings he becomes unbearable.
I try to help him in the with whatever he needs but it ends up with him finding fault in everything I do and that he'd be quicker doing it on his own.

You know what I think there are alarm bells ringing here for you and because you dont like confrontation, you're allowing them things to to just go on. I dont think its something small and "just one of those things", its pretty significant especially considering he wants to get engaged. A lot of the time in life the thing we avoid will keep coming up over and over until we deal with it, and in your case its confrontation. You have to face up to him and confront him about his behavior. Dont allow fear to stop you, this is something you need to tackle head on because its not just gonna stop, there'll always be a reason for somebody to be crouchy, and it sounds like he's very much a Jekell & Hyde type of character. And people like that are draining to be round because you just dont know when they'll turn on you and be nasty. Then an hour later they're nice again. Thats an emotional roller coaster and lifes too short to be dealing with that nonsense all the time. Tell him excatly how you feel about this and that enoughs enough. Im not talking about giving ultimatums but you do have to let him know where your boundaries lie. Its up to him then if he'll respect those boundaries and Im not talking about a week later or 2 or a couple of months after which he regresses to his original behavior, this is something he's gotta respect all the time. Well the odd slip here and there is fine, but not to regularly take out his crap on you. Be careful too about passive aggressive behavior, like he might agree to not take his frustrations out in you when he's tired but he might start having a go at you indirectly over something else. Again, you need to be firm and tell him where your boundaries lie.

Lux23

I agree with Santana, although my boyfriend can be cranky like this, I rarely let him get away with it. If he is in better form now, you have to tell him that his behavior and attitude was terrible over the last few days and that you won't stand for it anymore.