Am I introverted because it's my true nature, or because i'm shy?

LegacyUser

I'm 24 and this is something which plagues me on a constant basis. I'm always finding it difficult to accept myself. I suffer with a bit of social anxiety. It's not applicable in all situations - for example I can eat alone at restaurants without issue, I've no problem with small scale interactions with waiters, shopkeepers, baristas etc. I even traveled alone before.

My problems arise when I have to have a sustained interaction such as in a workplace environment with people i'm not comfortable with. I also get terribly anxious in group settings and for some reason I blush a lot when people of authority talk to me - e.g a manager at work. Or sometimes I'll avoid going to interviews and in college I even completely skipped a presentation element of a module. I get horribly anxious at work meetings even though I never say anything at them. And oddly I get shy when relatives and neighbours are in my house so I just hide in my room.

I keep to myself a lot. I'm not working now, but when I was, I ate lunch at my desk a lot while others went out in groups. I never participated much in small talk, especially if it was a group setting. When I solo travel, I explore cities on my own and can go 4 or 5 days where the only interactions I have are basic. At home, my hobbies are playing guitar in my room and reading. I've no social outlet except for drinking at the weekends when I become a completely different person. Outgoing, confident and joking all the time.

I feel very lonely sometimes though because one night of drinknig per week is hardly adequate to fulfill my social needs. I never date girls or anything. But on the other hand sustained social interaction leaves me exhausted. I picked an introverted career option which would minimize time spent with people. but part of me would love to teach English abroad - a very extroverted job.

Sorry for the long post but I guess i'm just curious whether being socially anxious has caused me to want to be alone or whether preferring alone time is my true nature. Maybe my true nature is an extrovert or somewhere in between introvert and extrovert. The social anxiety began at around age 16. Before that I was always a bit shy, but never had trouble making friends or connecting with people. Could getting some CBT or something open a whole new world of possibilities for me? Thanks for any help,

Ave Sodalis

Personally, I think your relationship with labels is quite unhealthy and instead of using them to describe yourself, you seem to be using them to define yourself and forcing yourself to fit into them. If you want to go teaching English, go do that. It doesn't matter if it's an extroverted job (which I don't think it is), just go do it because it's what you want to do.

Now a lot of the time, being shy shouldn't cause a problem. It is who some people are. However, the extent of yours is obviously making you unhappy. Have you tried putting yourself into a social situation? Isolating yourself only makes it worse. Pushing yourself and making yourself talk in social situations and going to things and doing things is the only way to make yourself comfortable in them situations. You'll most likely still prefer spending time with yourself (I know I do) but a social situation shouldn't be causing you so much distress.

Yeah, CBT will probably help. Also, so will getting rid of labeling yourself the way you are. You can never be comfortable with yourself if you're forcing yourself into a label rather than just being who you are.