How much do you respect the argument"but it's my culture"?

steddyeddy

A friend of mine is getting married in what is more or less an arranged marriage. She doesn't want to marry this guy and is very unhappy as a result. She says this is her culture and I said it's BS her making herself unhappy because of culture. She was really angry the way I disrespected her culture but feck it I think it is BS to put your culture before happiness.

Do we have to respect a person's culture if that culture is degrading towards people e.g. women, gay people or animals (bloodsports). I don't think"it's my culture" cuts it as an argument.

conorhal

steddyeddy wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married in what is more or less an arranged marriage. She doesn't want to marry this guy and is very unhappy as a result. She says this is her culture and I said it's BS her making herself unhappy because of culture. She was really angry the way I disrespected her culture but feck it I think it is BS to put your culture before happiness.

Do we have to respect a person's culture if that culture is degrading towards people e.g. women, gay people or animals (bloodsports). I don't think"it's my culture" cuts it as an argument.

Well it would seem to me that her 'culture' disrespects her, so if she wants to be angry about anything.....

Duke O Smiley

Depends. In the case of the "Ireland is not friendly enough to Muslim tourists" thread or the likes, I'd say stfu and go home then.

But in the case of your friend here, I'd keep my mouth shut and carry on.

steddyeddy

conorhal wrote: »

Well it would seem to me that her 'culture' disrespects her, so if she wants to be angry about anything.....

That's it really. Her culture treats her as a second class citizen. That's BS IMHO.

Kermit.de.frog

Am I the only one who thought this was going to be about travellers?

Mr. Remote Control

I think to agree with what you said to her would have been way too big of a thing for her to do, it is everything she knows after all. It's not her fault though. It is quite sad. Arranged marriages that is, I think it's grand if the two people love each other of course, but what are the chances of that? Very f***ing slim I'd say.

kylith

I'd say she's just projecting her own unhappiness with her culture onto you because it's the only outlet she has. She can hardly go tell her parents she's unhappy and have them go "Oh, sorry! We'll cancel this and you can choose your own husband".

I really don't know how you could make it better, so to speak. Try using nonconfrontational language when she talks to you about it and encourage her to make up her own mind while letting her know you will be there to support her if needed. That's really all you can do.

This kind of thing is why tradition is bullsht, if you don't want to do something don't do it, and anyone who argues that it's 'tradition' should be invited to go jump in a lake.

BoJack Horseman

If you don't like your culture, change it.

Generic Dreadhead

Since when did we all have to respect everyone and their cultures? Did I miss the memo?

nelly17

To be fair The Irish have had their hands tied by the church culture for a long time, something we're only starting to emerge from in the last 20 years, so for us its probably easier to pass judgment on people and their culture. But it was'nt that long ago that we had a fairly opressive culture

Custardpi

Would your friend be happier marrying you? Would her parents go for it? Some cultures regard it as shameful for a woman to be single beyond a certain age but obviously she doesn't seem happy with her parent's choice. Why not step up to the plate & provide a somewhat better alternative?

steddyeddy

Duke O Smiley wrote: »

Depends. In the case of the "Ireland is not friendly enough to Muslim tourists" thread or the likes, I'd say stfu and go home then.

But in the case of your friend here, I'd keep my mouth shut and carry on.

She's my friend. She tells me she's unhappy and why and I say I think she's ridiculous to go ahead with it.

steddyeddy

Custardpi wrote: »

Would your friend be happier marrying you? Would her parents go for it? Some cultures regard it as shameful for a woman to be single beyond a certain age but obviously she doesn't seem happy with her parent's choice. Why not step up to the plate & provide a somewhat better alternative?

She's not my type nor am I hers.

Banjo String

I only respect it when George tells me it, and when he's talking about his club

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw

Custardpi

steddyeddy wrote: »

She's not my type nor am I hers.

Doesn't sound like the current fiancé is either but she's still set to marry him, isn't she?

eviltwin

steddyeddy wrote: »

She's my friend. She tells me she's unhappy and why and I say I think she's ridiculous to go ahead with it.

What will the repercussions be for her if she says no?

Lollipops23

Custardpi wrote: »

Would your friend be happier marrying you? Would her parents go for it? Some cultures regard it as shameful for a woman to be single beyond a certain age but obviously she doesn't seem happy with her parent's choice. Why not step up to the plate & provide a somewhat better alternative?

It shouldn't need to come to that.

OP I get why you're upset-seeing a friend so unhappy for totally bull**** reasons is hard.

I don't respect any culture that treats women like second class citizens. Does that rule out an awful lot of cultures? Unfortunately, yes.

MrWalsh

Whats the alternative for her if she refuses to go through with it?

steddyeddy

I

eviltwin wrote: »

What will the repercussions be for her if she says no?

I don't know but I do know a girl who had a child out of wedlock was disowned by the family in her village.

OldNotWIse

Depends. If they are trying to force their culture on others then they can f.uck right off*, but if they are only damaging themselves then I don't really care.

* for example, demanding that restaurants in Ireland only serve meat from an animal that's had it's throat slit and been left to die hanging upsside down while it bleeds out...to think of one off the top of my head

eviltwin

steddyeddy wrote: »

I

I don't know but I do know a girl who had a child out of wedlock was disowned by the family in her village.

So saying no might not be that easy for her. Maybe in her head the marriage is the lesser of two evils.

Wacker The Attacker

steddyeddy wrote: »

That's it really. Her culture treats her as a second class citizen. That's BS IMHO.

She's setting herself up for this as much as anyone else. Who else can she blame if she willingly participates?

shruikan2553

It's my culture along with tradition and just my opinion tend to be used instead of "just because". It's not neccessarly a bad thing (why do you go to a particular restaurant on your birthday?) but it can be used as a way to attempt to justify some horrbile things like child marriage.

As long as it isnt being used to force something on another its fine. The problems arise when people start using it as an excuse for others to do something they just dont like the idea of.

Like most things, if the thing is worthy of respect without having to hide behind culture, religion opinion etc then it is but it shouldnt be respected or tolerated just because someone doesnt want you to question it.

super_furry

My culture gives me the freedom to think your culture is wrong-headed and barbaric. Doesn't mean I always have to aggressively express those thoughts though.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Normally I;d say grow a pair and tell your culture to **** off - but trying saying that to someone who doesn't loves the Irish languge or Gaelic sports. It works both ways, ya see?

The thing is, thoguh, culture is far mroe than just a few customs. For this girl, it's her fmaily, friends, every thing she;s famliar with. She's looking at a lot of isolation and ill-will with her family, and there's a lot that goes with it.

Donkey Oaty

What does the groom think about all of this? Does he know how she feels, and if so is he willing to marry a reluctant bride?

Crooked Jack

"But it's are kulshur to shut down roads, city and town centres all day and march up and down your street with flegs denouncing popery while bandsmen play sectarian songs, smash windows and piss in your garden."

"Oh it's your culture, i hadnt realised, well by all means have at it then. Is the huge sectarian, racist bonfire beside the hospital necessary though?"

"KULSHUR!!!!!!"

"oh, indeed."

jjC123

I'd be interested to know what culture she hails from OP? I have some Hindu friends who's parent marriages were arranged but not 'forced' so to speak i.e they didn't HAVE to get married, it was just encouraged and they both liked each other so hey, why not?

Is your friends situation that she feels she has to go ahead with this to satisfy expectations or will there be serious repercussions within her family/community if she chooses not to marry?

Saipanne

A culture is just an idea. Ideas don't deserve automatic respect.

Potatoeman

She's not being forced and her future husband may not be thrilled either. Im guessing they are from a culture with strict class defination and marrying below your class is seen as bad for the family.

Ask your friend what they think of Irish dating culture and Im pretty sure they wont approve of our cultue either.

shruikan2553

jjC123 wrote: »

I'd be interested to know what culture she hails from OP? I have some Hindu friends who's parent marriages were arranged but not 'forced' so to speak i.e they didn't HAVE to get married, it was just encouraged and they both liked each other so hey, why not?

Is your friends situation that she feels she has to go ahead with this to satisfy expectations or will there be serious repercussions within her family/community if she chooses not to marry?

Theres a difference between being offered a choice and actually having a choice. Not saying thats the case here but it is possible she could say no and her family shuns her. Theres a choice but one option is made as unattractive as possible.