Mothers Day

DeltaWhite

So this will be the first Mothers day without my Mam. She died suddenly in October.

Still reeling and in shock. The reality has not even sunk in yet, all normal for what I'm going through. I'm just really lost as to what to do that day. There's no grave to visit thankfully, I'm glad we got her cremated as I find graves depressing. But now I'm kind of like "what do I do?"

My counsellor said to maybe take a small bit of her ashes and go somewhere she liked to go and release them.

That's all well and good but my Mam was agoraphobic, she lived like a recluse for the last 15 years and the furthest place she went was Liffey Valley S.C the odd time, I personally hate to be in that place so I wont be doing that.

I was thinking maybe I could release a small amount of her ashes in places I like to go, so that she will always kind of be there when I'm there if that makes sense..

Does any fellow boardsies have any ideas or suggestions?

Neyite

I'd say your mum missed out on a lot due to her illness, so maybe going somewhere you love and that she would have loved, had she not been agoraphobic might be a nice way of thinking about her for the day.

I don't visit graves personally either - not that they upset me, but I dont feel that the person is 'there'. I'd feel more of a connection doing something that reminds me of them than visiting a graveside. But other family members get great emotional comfort sitting down at the grave having a chat.

stargazer 68

Op this is our first Mothers Day too - mum passed away suddenly 4 weeks ago. Im going away for the weekend - had already been planned so Im keeping to it. I know my family will be at the grave etc but I still haven't been as I dont need to go to remember her but it does give them comfort. Perhaps there are places your mum would have liked to go if not for her illness?

Take care xx

LegacyUser

Hi DeltaWhite.

I'm new on here. I'm sorry about your Mum. I lost my mum suddenly in January and I really have no idea what's going on, still grasping reaity I think.
I am in the same boat about Mother's Day (usually I would be all over that with a card in the post etc but now everything passes me by). We haven't done anything with my mother's ashes yet and I am thinking of spending the day in a place that she liked. My mum didn't go out much latterly either but I know she did like beaches. So I think I will go to a beach for a walk and try and think of her. And then I'll go for coffee and have a big slice of cake or something, because she used to coax me on walks as a kid by promising cakes afterwards!

I think most importantly you have to pick something that feels right to you. You don't have to do something because she liked it. You'll think of her and send her some love. It has to be meaningful to you, and whatever you do will be right because Mum's always want US to be happy!

That goes for her ashes as well. We've been trying to decide what to do with Mum's and bottom line is I want it to be somewhere pretty, that I like to go, and can see myself going to if ever I want to for the rest of MY life. Somewhere that I feel good and can feel the sun and wind on my face and feel her in my heart.

I hope you find something that makes sense for you.

Vernonymous

You can still celebrate mothers day. You may not see your mom but I'm sure you can feel her love.