Long Term Relationship - Panics!

LegacyUser

So I've been in a long term relationship with this person since College for about 3-4 years and most of the time its great, a lot of companionship do things together, go cinema etc.. but also a lot of rows about really silly stuff too.
I guess Im getting cold feet about being in a relationship since my late teens to early 20s, and wondering maybe Im missing out on dating and having freedom. Like when I met my boyfriend I only really started having a good social life going out a lot and now Im a complete hermit at the weekends. Because my partner is away during the week working and comes home at the weekends (they live at home still at weekends) and I try my best to keep weekends free for them to go to cinema, walks etc.. But sometimes I guess I miss my younger days of flirting etc.. Just wondering does anyone get these feelings when being in a relationship for a long time when young and now I just find time is flying by!
Like I do Love this person like doing simple things cooking and doing the washing up guess I miss that excitement/buzz of meeting someone new.

Also My partner has like this life plan where he wants to be married in 3-4 years, then year after marriage have a kid and I feel a bit like stoppppppp the wheels on this car, just its all too fast even though we're together 3-4 years, I know it should be expected probably but I don't have a clue what Im doing with my own life career/education wise.

Maybe Im just thinking about this all too much and panicking about nothing really.
Just wondering is this kinda normal feelings.

Saralee4

I think what you are feeling is totally normal. You have to decide though what you ultimately want because otherwise it is not fair to your boyfriend who seems to be really committed to your relationship.

I was 19 when I met my husband and the odd time I wondered what it would be like if it hadn't been exclusive or we had met later but the thing I always knew was that I would not act on it because I knew I loved him and I knew that life was good with him and we were happy. I also seen some friends in bad relationships and some who really wanted a relationship but couldn't meet anyone now that's not to say they should just go with anyone for the sake of being in a relationship but in my case I was very happy just a bit curious. I also seen people have a great time on their own too now but I knew that wasn't for me.

I am so happy that I didn't finish something good my husband (boyfriend at the time) to go sow my old oats because as I've gotten older I realised that if I had, I would probably have been saying 'what if I had stayed with him' and then there would be something else to be curious about.

You just have to make decisions in life. If your really happy in the relationship then it would take a lot of consideration to finish with him. You only have to read a few of the issues that people have when dating in this forum to see that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and also that its not always easy to find someone that you connect so well with.

foleypio

Blank______ wrote: »

So I've been in a long term relationship with this person since College for about 3-4 years and most of the time its great, a lot of companionship do things together, go cinema etc.. but also a lot of rows about really silly stuff too.
I guess Im getting cold feet about being in a relationship since my late teens to early 20s, and wondering maybe Im missing out on dating and having freedom. Like when I met my boyfriend I only really started having a good social life going out a lot and now Im a complete hermit at the weekends. Because my partner is away during the week working and comes home at the weekends (they live at home still at weekends) and I try my best to keep weekends free for them to go to cinema, walks etc.. But sometimes I guess I miss my younger days of flirting etc.. Just wondering does anyone get these feelings when being in a relationship for a long time when young and now I just find time is flying by!
Like I do Love this person like doing simple things cooking and doing the washing up guess I miss that excitement/buzz of meeting someone new.

Also My partner has like this life plan where he wants to be married in 3-4 years, then year after marriage have a kid and I feel a bit like stoppppppp the wheels on this car, just its all too fast even though we're together 3-4 years, I know it should be expected probably but I don't have a clue what Im doing with my own life career/education wise.

Maybe Im just thinking about this all too much and panicking about nothing really.
Just wondering is this kinda normal feelings.

I would be seriously evaluating whether I still wanted to be in this relationship if I were you op. Some things you need to consider like

- if this is how you feel now, imagine if ye stay together for a few more years, you could end up resenting him in a big way
- if your not as serious as him about the relationship, its unfair to allow him to think he has a long term future with you when he could be finding someone else. Your doing him more harm than good by delaying the inevitable
- Although it does happen sometimes, it's a mad thing to meet someone in your teenage years & expect to spend the rest of your life with them. You have so much living in front of you & its probably not the healthiest thing to be tied down to a relationship throughout all of that.

Idbatterim

Op why are you a hermit at the weekend, can you not go out with friends locally? I mean I know this dies down a bit when in a relationship with some people, but with myself and a good few of my mates, they kept nearly the same weekend social life as before...

to say what you are feeling is normal, would be an understatement...

foleypio

Idbatterim wrote: »

Op why are you a hermit at the weekend, can you not go out with friends locally? I mean I know this dies down a bit when in a relationship with some people, but with myself and a good few of my mates, they kept nearly the same weekend social life as before...

to say what you are feeling is normal, would be an understatement...

I agree with this, there is nothing like seeing someone who was very active socially become a hermit as soon as they get involved in a serious relationship. Its very unhealthy & also puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. Not to mention losing friends & making yourself more isolated.

When in a relationship, I would always insist on meeting friends at least once a week.

descheness

I think it's definitely normal. I've felt the same way before. But when my boyfriend and I ended up breaking up, I did the whole flirting and hooking up thing, and it's not as satisfying as you think it is! Maybe just take an objective look at it. If you really love the person, you should try and work through it. But if you are having cold feet, it's also important to listen to your gut!