stuck

LegacyUser

So im in a long term relationship with my partner for the past five years and everything was fine up untill five years ago when things started to all go wrong for me. Long story short ive taking to drink and gambling. Something happened me 2 years ago and i started drinking heavliy to block it out the i started to gamble to make up for the money i drank if that makes sense. Ive been to see the doctor and councillor and i feel nothing is working. Anyways my partner is moaning about money that i never do anything with her anymore. The truth is i just dont feel loved and ive the added strain of not having money. Shes always fighting with me and snapping at me. I cant bare it any more shes not helping me. Ive tried to tell her how i feel but its no good im not even allowed ring or text her she just barks.i do everything for her and she treats me like dirt. I dont really know why im writing on this i guess someone might listen

JAMES VI

How about you take a break, just a short one to begin with, from the drinking and gambling. I don't know how serious it is, but you know, a few days or a week or two or whatever. And with the money you've saved - book a nice restaurant - or even just a grand restaurant - or spontaneously take your partner to the cinema or something completely random.

I know this is all really easy for me to say and that the reality of any one situation is often quite complicated - but who knows? Maybe it could have a positive effect.

LegacyUser

So the doctor, counsellor and your partner are not helping you and no mention of what you're doing to address the problems. Do you think a change in your own approach might be a better starting point than complaining about what others are not doing for you when you could and should be doing it for yourself? All the support in the world, professional or personal, is only useful if you take steps to solve your problems yourself. Your partner appears to have put up with a lot for 2-5 years and I can't blame her for running out of patience, so she doesn't appear to be the problem here.

giggle84

With drinking and gambling and losing money usually comes lies, would I be right? You're probably not always honest with your girlfriend about how much you've drank/spent/gambled, so she's dealing with your drinking and gambling, having no money and probably lying to her as well. Maybe you're totally up front with her but from personal experience, gamblers in particular are usually good liars.

So you expect her to deal with all of that (for the past 2+ years and counting) and still be full of sunshine and light and be all loving and never say a bad word to you.. I mean really?! I appreciate that this is a bad situation for you and I don't know what happened to trigger it, but it's a really bad situation for her too and I'll bet she's just as lonely and unhappy as you, probably more so because she has no control over the situation. She obviously loves you because she has stuck it out this long.

If she sees you really trying to sort this out and stop these self-destructive behaviours I bet you'll get more love and support from her. Keep up the counselling, maybe she could go with you? Or you could look into support groups or a rehab facility like Cluain Mhuire, or if you have health insurance see what that will cover?