Unsure how to fix this...

newman2

Girl at college who Im fairly sure Is interested I only properly get to see her in my tutorial, once a week I do spot her in lectures but am too shy. She initiated conversation the three times and i thought we got on great. But i tried to stsrt one myself and She barely respnded. This happened about a month ago and I think I offended her somehow. However, whenever I ser her around I avoid eye contact out of fear.

However, I am obsessed with her and cant stop thinking about her. I have gained the courage to fix this, but I also wish to ask her out.

Considering, we havent spoken in a while and we barely know each other, Whats the best way to go about this without freaking her out?

Saralee4

what makes you think you offended her? Did you make a joke that she didn't like or something? I don't think it would make her dislike you unless it was something really drastic.

maybe start by making eye contact again and see if she reciprocates, then try again to start a simple conversation. if all that goes well just ask her out for a drink (if you drink) or whatever. good luck

newman2

Saralee4 wrote: »

what makes you think you offended her? Did you make a joke that she didn't like or something? I don't think it would make her dislike you unless it was something really drastic.

maybe start by making eye contact again and see if she reciprocates, then try again to start a simple conversation. if all that goes well just ask her out for a drink (if you drink) or whatever. good luck

I have a feeling I missed the "window of opportunity", if that even exists. In general though, I haven't really been acknowledging her and it just adds tension.

Should I just go out of my way to talk to her and apologize? It's just whenever I talked to her we were cracking jokes and talking to her now would be on a deeper level. I am a bit inexperienced when it comes to these things...

Saralee4

newman2 wrote: »

I have a feeling I missed the "window of opportunity", if that even exists. In general though, I haven't really been acknowledging her and it just adds tension.

Should I just go out of my way to talk to her and apologize? It's just whenever I talked to her we were cracking jokes and talking to her now would be on a deeper level. I am a bit inexperienced when it comes to these things...

Im not sure why you think you missed the opportunity window, is it because you think you offended her?

I think you can suss her out by acting interested again and making small gestures to show you like her and if she shows some interest or acknowledgement back then you know your alright with her again and then move from there.

newman2

Saralee4 wrote: »

Im not sure why you think you missed the opportunity window, is it because you think you offended her?

I fear by failing to acknowledge her in a certain situation and a lack of contact has made me some sort of a creep. Although that just may be all in my anxious head...

Saralee4 wrote: »

I think you can suss her out by acting interested again and making small gestures to show you like her and if she shows some interest or acknowledgement back then you know your alright with her again and then move from there.

I know what you are saying, but I by showing interest earlier I received the less-than-encouraging response that led me to believe I did something wrong....

cloudatlas

Ah O.P it's horrible being like us we over analyse everything. You are over thinking. One positive friendly interaction can blow everything else away. Why not start being friendly again just in little increments and slowly but surely get to know her. You can't go in all guns blazing out of the blue and ask her out you have to play the long game get to know what she's interested in and more importantly what you have in common. Then an appropriate situation may present itself and you can ask her to go for coffee.

retro:electro

Initiating conversation with you three times does not mean that she's interested. Developing an obsession with someone after only talking to them a couple of times is unhealthy and quite frankly creepy. Maybe she has copped on to this and is distancing herself from you.

cloudatlas

anna080 wrote: »

Initiating conversation with you three times does not mean that she's interested. Developing an obsession with someone after only talking to them a couple of times is unhealthy and quite frankly creepy. Maybe she has copped on to this and is distancing herself from you.

That's unfair. I will concede that it doesn't mean that she is romantically interested in him but she was friendly and interested enough to walk over and chat to him three times. He just has a crush, nothing the O.P. has described is 'creepy'. How come when certain women notice a man who they are attracted to paying attention to them it's okay but if they aren't attracted to him it's 'creepy'?

retro:electro

cloudatlas wrote: »

That's unfair. I will concede that it doesn't mean that she is romantically interested in him but she was friendly and interested enough to walk over and chat to him three times. He just has a crush, nothing the O.P. has described is 'creepy'. How come when certain women notice a man who they are attracted to paying attention to them it's okay but if they aren't attracted to him it's 'creepy'?

He says he's obsessed with her; after only three conversations that's a creepy statement to make.

JAMES VI

What is creepy anyway? As the old saying goes - well actually it's a brand new saying just coined today, right now in fact - One girls creepy; is an other girls not creepy.

lamegerty

Ask her for coffee, it's the best way to go, it's nice and informal and there is nothing forcing a long drawn out meeting but if ye get on well it can turn into lunch/dinner whatever. I'm sure you meant obsessed flippantly rather than how some are taking it, but just ask, and if she says no sure what does it matter, it was only for a coffee! Also, stop being paranoid about what you think others are thinking about you, mostly they are not thinking about you at all, and stop avoiding her if you want to ask her out.

newman2

anna080 wrote: »

Initiating conversation with you three times does not mean that she's interested. Developing an obsession with someone after only talking to them a couple of times is unhealthy and quite frankly creepy. Maybe she has copped on to this and is distancing herself from you.

I aware of how I am coming across, but my infatuation with her is based on HOW she interacted with me during those chats. She was very animated, and laughing quite a bit. However, you could still be right and she was just being friendly.

As for the creepiness, I guess my obsession is due to a lack of experience and low self esteem, coupled with a mind that over thinks and is filled with racing thoughts. It's not like I'am going to stalk her or anything, I guess my lack of experience and perhaps introverted personality is making something out of nothing?I don't know...

anna080 wrote: »

He says he's obsessed with her; after only three conversations that's a creepy statement to make.

I' am just a naive guy who is simply unable to read people and can perhaps come on too strong.

I will admit that from reflecting on my first post, I can see that my head was totally in the clouds. As for what I'am going to do, I will just acknowledge her in future and see where things go from there. I'm not going to force something as I tried to make out in my first post.