Am I trying to move our relationship too quickly?

jenna1057

I have been dating my now boyfriend since the end of October last year. We had actually known eachother from college but had never dated before we graduated. In the last month or so we had a chat about where our relationship was and are now boyfriend and girlfriend. I have been so happy with how things have progressed in the last few months, we both get on so well and have a lot of fun together all of which he says to me. He also says that we could do anything together and he always has the best time just like I do. As we both live in seperate counties and at home we take turns and travel to see eachother every week. We have both met eachothers families which has been so lovely. However as we both live at home the sleeping arrangements can be a bit of an issue. My parents really like him but he stays in the guest room which he is ok with, when I am at his house we stay together. Although everything is going so well for us, there's one thing that has been playing on my mind- that we have not slept together. I was up visiting him this weekend and we were in bed cuddling and kissing etc but it gets to a certain point where it doesnt go any further. We were kissing and things were getting a bit heated and the minute I touched him he just stopped and said either he or we were getting too excited, to which I replied its ok just a bit of fun. He then got up a few minutes later and got showered and changed. We went out for the day then and everything was fine and bahad a lovely time.

Being honest I am a bit confused and taken aback by what happened. I dont know if I am a pushing him too hard but at the same time I feel that it is a bit unusual that it hasnt happened yet when everything else is great. I adore him so much but its making me a little bit worried! Advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

beks101

Would the fact that this is happening under his parent's roof with the possibility that he could get "caught" or the family could overhear be what's making him reluctant?

Perhaps go on a weekend away and book into a hotel for a few nights so you can properly get comfortable with each other.

bee06

Yeah, I think it's a lot to do with the fact that you are in his parents house. I'm married and I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex under their roof when they're in the house and neither would my husband (thin walls!). Maybe he's the same.

daisybelle2008

Seems very odd to me if the reason is in relation to his parents catching ye, that the subject of finding somewhere else hasn't come up. The first few months is usually the time you have the most sex. Have you actually done other stuff? I.e hand or oral? Have you seen his penis or noticed if he is getting hard?
I'd have a discussion with him ASAP. I'd find it very frustrating after nearly 5 months not to have had sex and even stranger ye haven't spoke about the whys, where's and when's of having some. You have needs, communicate them to him and try to figure out what the issue is.

jenna1057

Thank you so much for your messages! yes that could be it, but at the same time where the room is located in the house there's no way that getting caught is an issue, I loved the fact at we have been taking things slow but feel ready to take the next step. I admire the fact that when we had the talk about where our relationship was we hadn't slept together. Yes we have done other things he always instigated it, but the minute I touched him (for the first time) he froze and he was hard when he stopped it all and said that he/we were getting too excited. I suppose I just don't see the problem in that happening since we are a couple! I have thought of a weekend away alright but it is difficult for us to plan that since we have both gone on to do further study and are so busy with that too! Its a tricky one, his family are so so lovely and even when I left the other day were saying that I am such a lovely girl etc, we love having you here, and when will you back to us next.

jenna1057

Thank you so much for your messages! yes that could be it, but at the same time where the room is located in the house there's no way that getting caught is an issue, I loved the fact at we have been taking things slow but feel ready to take the next step. I admire the fact that when we had the talk about where our relationship was we hadn't slept together as it is an usual thing to hear nowadays. Yes we have done other things he always instigated it, but the minute I touched him (for the first time) he froze and he was hard when he stopped it all and said that he/we were getting too excited. I suppose I just don't see the problem in that happening since we are a couple! I have thought of a weekend away alright but it is difficult for us to plan that since we have both gone on to do further study and are so busy with that too! Its a tricky one, his family are so so lovely and even when I left the other day were saying that I am such a lovely girl etc, we love having you here, and when will you back to us next.

jenna1057

Also I know he wouldn't be asking me to come up and visit if he wasn't happy with how things were going, or even have me meet his family for that matter!

DUB0207-old

jenna1057 wrote: »

I have thought of a weekend away alright but it is difficult for us to plan that since we have both gone on to do further study and are so busy with that too!

Sorry but this excuse is pure bull. He comes over to yours, you go over to his. There's a plan in place for you to see each other every weekend. There's no reason why the 2 of us can't book a hotel isntead of the awkward situation of staying under the parents roof...

There are plenty options available on mydealspage.ie * You can easily find an overnight stay in a decent hotel (check google for reviews) for less than 50E per person. Here's one example: dealid=145188 (can't post the link because I'm a new user)

Stavro Mueller

It's not the getting caught that's the issue - I doubt anyone in the family would even dream of barging in on you. It's the noise. I did quite a bit of house sharing when I was younger and I can assure you that sound travels further than you'd think. Especially once everyone has gone to bed and the house falls silent. Even if you keep your voices down, you'll be heard anyway. Beds creak, floors aren't great if you're on an upstairs floor, as for radiator pipes.. I think you get the point. I can understand why he wouldn't want to get jiggy at home with his parents and siblings within earshot.

Trying to find opportunities to sleep together can be an issue if both of you are living at home. Would you consider booking a hotel room midweek and going away for the night?

The Princess Bride

Hello OP.
Is there a chance he is still a virgin and is nervous about taking the next step? You might be overthinking this.

Chucky the tree

beks101 wrote: »

Would the fact that this is happening under his parent's roof with the possibility that he could get "caught" or the family could overhear be what's making him reluctant?

For me, this wouldn't be an issue because I'd simply make sure to be quiet. I honestly can't imagine many young lads who'd refuse to have any sexual contact because their parents are in the same house. I'd be surprised if there wasn't more to it.

jenna1057

Chucky the tree wrote: »

For me, this wouldn't be an issue because I'd simply make sure to be quiet. I honestly can't imagine many young lads who'd refuse to have any sexual contact because their parents are in the same house. I'd be surprised if there wasn't more to it.

Those are my thoughts exactly! He's such a lovely lad but now I am thinking that there's more to it then the house thing. I'm going to wait and talk to him about it next week when I see him, because I think there's something more to it! I also looked at hotels too and found a few lovely ones I have to say! I'd rather talk to him about it first before suggesting a hotel incase it is because he is nervous about it! Thank you everyone for all the advice ye have been really helpful!

Merkin

This is worrying. Has he said that he's at least dying to sleep with you or has that not been discussed/brought up in sexy conversation? Because if it hasn't then you have an issue on your hands.

It could potentially be a noise issue BUT I don't know any horny young man or woman who wouldn't be doing everything in their power to make it happen with a new beau! I mean there are ways around everything! If you're in a busy house/ have a creaky bed then you do it on the floor. Or if he's just not comfortable with family around then book a weekend away.

So if he hasn't instigated some lovin' then I'd speculate that it could be down to:

Religion
Sexuality issues
Him being a virgin (most likely from my reading of it)

My one piece of advice would be to get this out in the open now and discuss it with him. It's probably quite straightforward but if he only wants a platonic relationship under the guise of a healthy and sexual one then you really need to find out sooner rather than later.

jenna1057

Merkin wrote: »

This is worrying. Has he said that he's at least dying to sleep with you or has that not been discussed/brought up in sexy conversation? Because if it hasn't then you have an issue on your hands.

It could potentially be a noise issue BUT I don't know any horny young man or woman who wouldn't be doing everything in their power to make it happen with a new beau! I mean there are ways around everything! If you're in a busy house/ have a creaky bed then you do it on the floor. Or if he's just not comfortable with family around then book a weekend away.

So if he hasn't instigated some lovin' then I'd speculate that it could be down to:

Religion
Sexuality issues
Him being a virgin (most likely from my reading of it)

My one piece of advice would be to get this out in the open now and discuss it with him. It's probably quite straightforward but if he only wants a platonic relationship under the guise of a healthy and sexual one then you really need to find out sooner rather than later.

No it hasn't been brought up at all once! He's mad for cuddling and kissing me when we are in bed together! Extremely affectionate, I just don't ever want to be the one putting pressure on someone! But will have to bring it up with him to see where we stand! Nervous for that conversation!

Chucky the tree

jenna1057 wrote: »

Thank you so much for your messages! yes that could be it, but at the same time where the room is located in the house there's no way that getting caught is an issue, I loved the fact at we have been taking things slow but feel ready to take the next step. I admire the fact that when we had the talk about where our relationship was we hadn't slept together as it is an usual thing to hear nowadays. Yes we have done other things he always instigated it, but the minute I touched him (for the first time) he froze and he was hard when he stopped it all and said that he/we were getting too excited. I suppose I just don't see the problem in that happening since we are a couple! I have thought of a weekend away alright but it is difficult for us to plan that since we have both gone on to do further study and are so busy with that too! Its a tricky one, his family are so so lovely and even when I left the other day were saying that I am such a lovely girl etc, we love having you here, and when will you back to us next.

I just read this post now. I remember there was a thread here a while ago about a guy who had similar problem to you with a girl. It turned out she was sexually assaulted previously. The bolded line about him "freezing" is what jumped out at me. If my memory is correct I think he said she'd be fine up until he tried to go further and then she'd just freeze. You could be dealing with something similar here OP.