Is this cheating?

LegacyUser · 21-02-2015 1:16am #1

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and it's my first serious relationship. I don't know if it's normal behaviour or not, but my bf is VERY protective about his phone, I mean to such a degree he brings it to the kitchen with him. He NEVER leaves it at home to charge if he goes out and I'm home. But every time I go away for a week or even few days, he'll text me, "Oh sorry, I didn't reply yesterday, love. I left my phone charging at home" or " I forgot it when I went out." Okay, I'm not dumb. Obviously, he is hiding something.

So the other day I was randomly googling his name and a girl's name from his past to see if they were ever together or something. I found something he wrote her, which I thought was slightly inappropriate!! But I also found something else. I found a comment he made on another girl's Instagram page with a comment saying "you're the prettiest girl I'm following. Can I text you?" I found another one of his comments on another page: "She's so hot. Too bad she doesn't live in my country." All this was nine weeks ago, a day before his birthday when we were hanging out and had a lovely day, or so I thought. I mean this isn't normal is it? Would you consider this cheating?

Yurt2 · 21-02-2015 1:50am

Not cheating but is a strong indicator he might be a d*ck. Proceed with caution.

punisher5112 · 21-02-2015 1:53am

He may have a few girls on the go.

Does he go off out and on the missing list for a night or 2.

blatantrereg · 21-02-2015 6:50am

I wouldn't consider this acceptable.
Would you think it was okay to act like that yourself? Would he be okay with you acting like that?

mazdaminx · 21-02-2015 7:21am

I don't like the sound of it. After been through similar myself. Always always trust your gut. Is that how you wish to be treated? Is that the type of guy you want? You could talk to him if you want but he obviously does not fully respect you and your relationship.

You could do what I eventually did - leave and live a much better life!

December2012 · 21-02-2015 7:24am

How would he feel if you did it? Would he think you were cheating? Would it be a dump able offence?

giggle84 · 21-02-2015 9:25am

It's not normal, it's really sh!tty behaviour. At best he does it just for an ego boost and you can be damn sure that'll be his excuse (read all similar threads on online flirting, sexting, etc.) but does that make it ok?! He sounds like a jerk to be honest.

Saralee4 · 21-02-2015 9:26am

I don't have instagram but does it not say "in a relationship" on those things?

I wouldn't be happy with my husband giving people sexy compliments but also in one of them he asked if they could have private contact! He has put them comments up in public settings (obviously doesn't think your gonna see them but ), what does he say in private to other women!

I think your gonna have to confront him.

punisher5112 · 21-02-2015 10:56am

I would set him up on a fake profile with a hot girl...

Maybe with a friends help then you will know for definite

IlmoNT4 · 21-02-2015 11:53am

He sounds really immature .... This is something you might expect from a teenage boy....

I wouldnt think it was acceptable for a man to comment on womens profiles like that, in a relationship or not. Think about the type of guy who does that... grown up

Username here · 21-02-2015 12:06pm

OP, to answer your questions:

There may be some who argue that it isn't strictly cheating because there's been no physical contact etc, but for me, that misses the point, that by engaging with other women like this, he's being emotionally unfaithful. If he feels the need to contact other women in this manner (and if you have to ask "is this cheating?") then you've got problems.

As for asking if this is normal behaviour, in my experience, no, it's not. Perhaps I'm naive. Perhaps I, and all my friends, have just been lucky. But ultimately, no - I don't think this is normal behaviour. And I dread to think of the impact this would have on relationships in general if this were ever to somehow become the new "normal".

But regardless of whether this is cheating, or this is normal, what matters here is that you are unhappy with this. So sit down with your OH, clearly and calmly explain that this behaviour is not something you are prepared to accept, and take it from there.

Best of luck with it.

Wabbit Ears · 21-02-2015 12:15pm

Your gut feeling is 100% correct.

AsianIrish · 23-02-2015 8:50pm

I guess he is messing around but nothing serious. It is nothing to worry about. These things or comments on social media are common these days without any harm.

Saralee4 · 23-02-2015 8:54pm

AsianIrish wrote: »

I guess he is messing around but nothing serious. It is nothing to worry about. These things or comments on social media are common these days without any harm.

You think this is normal and you wouldn't think anything if your SO was saying this to other women?

"you're the prettiest girl I'm following. Can I text you?" I found another one of his comments on another page: "She's so hot. Too bad she doesn't live in my country."

Its one thing to look at porn or whatever else the internet has to offer but striking up contact and asking for more contact is another thing altogether. I would be very embarrassed if my husband put comments like that up on some woman's public page for anyone to see. Its disrespectful to the relationship.

AsianIrish · 23-02-2015 9:22pm

I guess a few people in relationships have lack of faith in their partners and this lacuna opens door of suspicion. If you are confident you would face up the situation and ask your bf/gf about the comments. I can only stress, we have been overwhelmed by social media glamour. Everywhere you look you see opposite sex in half naked photos posing for whatever reason. A comment here and there does not harm a relationship.

Saralee4 · 23-02-2015 10:14pm

AsianIrish wrote: »

I guess a few people in relationships have lack of faith in their partners and this lacuna opens door of suspicion. If you are confident you would face up the situation and ask your bf/gf about the comments. I can only stress, we have been overwhelmed by social media glamour. Everywhere you look you see opposite sex in half naked photos posing for whatever reason. A comment here and there does not harm a relationship.

I disagree. Your talking about fantasy vs reality and in this situation it seems like he is trying to make a leap into the reality.

I'm not saying op and her bf can't discuss and overcome this but I think imo that his comments are inappropriate considering he is in a relationship.

AsianIrish · 23-02-2015 10:21pm

Saralee4 wrote: »

I disagree. Your talking about fantasy vs reality and in this situation it seems like he is trying to make a leap into the reality.

I'm not saying op and her bf can't discuss and overcome this but I think imo that his comments are inappropriate considering he is in a relationship.

Inappropriate - I agree with you on this!!

Is this cheating?

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