Can attraction build?

LegacyUser

I am getting very positive signals of interest from a lady in a social group I hang out with.

She's really kind and interesting and I like being around her, I think about her a fair bit but I'm just not sure if I am physically attracted to her. I have never been with a woman with her body type, a little overweight.

The thing is I'm just not sure if I'm just craving affection, it's been a long time since I've been in any kind of romantic relationship. She's a lovely person and I don't want to mess her about.

Tokyo

Relationships aren't the kind of thing you should walk into with the doubts that you are having, hoping that something develops regardless. If you're already questioning your attraction to her before ever initiating anything, then it's best to keep things at a friendship level, and not mess her around.

It's a lot easier to go from friendship to relationship in the future, if you decide that you realise that you are attracted to her, than to go from relationship to friendship if you realise that you aren't.

honey79

Hi op yes it can I've been friends with people then all of a sudden find myself attracted to them

Do you look forward to seeing her

Do you think about her often

But if you can't see past her weight for her sake leave her alone . As a larger lady I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't see past my size or didn't find me attractive

Dog of Tears

For the scenario you describe I would say 'no'.

I think you should really fancy the arse off someone to enter into a relationship with them, not be hoping you'll start to find them attractive over time.

Stavro Mueller

I've found in life (and not just relationships) that if you find yourself trying to talk yourself into something, it's not right for you. Your instinct is telling you that you're not attracted to this lady. No amount of "she's a lovely person" thinking will turn that into a genuine attraction. You're dead right with your observation about being single for so long. I've been that solider as have some of my friends. We've all dated people we didn't really fancy, thinking that since there was nothing better on the horizon we might as well give it a try. If there's no attraction there, no amount of dates and hoping feelings will develop can paper over the cracks. Seeing as she's in a group of people you hang out with, is it really worth it?

Shrap

Yeah, sorry OP - I'm with the others. Even though you are clearly in a place for companionship and intimacy and all the good stuff in a relationship, and so might she be, if you can't say about a woman "She's size sexy" whatever her size, then you're missing an absolutely essential part of the mix of feelings required for a respectful relationship.

Magicmatilda

What are you thinking when you are thinking about her a lot? I would agree with everyone else except that you say you think about her a lot. Which is odd if you are not attracted.

I have experienced attraction growing so it can happen but then I dont see attraction as a purely physical thing. Do you? If so how will you cope with you and any potential lover ageing? There is a difference in being repulsed and not being turned on as well.

What I will say is of you are not interested then you should back away or start saying things that make it clear that you are not interested. It's all very well for you to decide you just want friendship but she might not. I say that because I'm in a situation at the minute where I could be her - and I wish to god the guy in question would be clear so we can take it forward or I can move on.

Saralee4

I think the statement is very much true for women well for me. I have not been initially attracted to someone and it has developed over time and getting to know the person.

However I have read that this is a difference between men and women. I'm not saying that this is true but I heard that most men are physically attracted to the woman first then they emotionally connect and women emotionally connect and then become attracted. I don't if that's true for most people I just read that somewhere

IlmoNT4

nope, you are wasting her time and yours...

Littlekittylou

Personally I can date people of diff body types I notice they generally might be similar but I have dated bigger men or smaller men taller or shorter different features etc. The one thing is though I was attracted to them. I did not TRY to start a relationship with someone I was not attracted too.

I once dated a really heavy guy and was attracted to him more or less the night i met him. I don't analyze why I like people.

I think we have general dating trends but I am not so much into looks it's more the feelings I get. What type of person they are.

I think you can become attracted to someone after time. But I have never tried to MAKE myself.

The thing is I'm just not sure if I'm just craving affection, it's been a long time since I've been in any kind of romantic relationship. She's a lovely person and I don't want to mess her about.

There is your answer.

I have learnt personally it is either there or it isn't. No point trying to change yourself or others.

Yeah, sorry OP - I'm with the others. Even though you are clearly in a place for companionship and intimacy and all the good stuff in a relationship, and so might she be, if you can't say about a woman "She's size sexy" whatever her size, then you're missing an absolutely essential part of the mix of feelings required for a respectful relationship.

.

Aboslutely!

You have to fancy the woman ...it's not even about size weight goes up and down ...some men might not like it but for women it does ..thats life.

LegacyUser

O.P. here - Thanks for the advice. I agree that there is no point in trying to 'force' it if I'm not getting butterflies or feeling desire. Perhaps the other feelings are just those of friendship and like I said it's been a while since I've been back in the game so to speak. I don't mean to come across as quite so shallow personality is very important to me but she deserves someone who finds her physically desirable.

She hasn't been direct about her wanting to go out etc., it's all been indirect but clear enough I think I might leave off going out with this particular group for a while and when I do if I get chatting to her say something along the lines of 'I see us more as friends'.