Am I being unreasonable?

LegacyUser

I'll cut to the chase;

I'm 23. my younger brother is 22 and my younger sister is 19. We live together. It's a weekday, and tomorrow is my day off, so at around 12-1am tonight I was up on my computer talking to friends and relaxing, because I knew I could lie in tomorrow.

My friends comes to the house in one of my friends car, and invites me out to the pub/back to his house. I say no as I just want to take it easy. My brother and I share these same friends. My brother heads off with them. I say goodbye and all is well and good.

About 1 am my brother rings me and says he is coming home with my friends and he is bringing drink from the off license. I say this is not happening, because it's a weeknight, and that it's too late, and I ask him to maybe go back to one of the other guys houses because I am not in the mood. Not only that, but my older sister is dropping in my niece at 9am tomorrow for me and my sister to babysit, so me and her need to be up early. I tell my brother it's not the best time and maybe some other time. Seems fair, right?

He goes crazy, calls me all sorts of names, says "well I'm coming home anyway, like it or not". He tells me I'm off tomorrow and doing nothing at the minute anyway, so it won't matter. My friends are saying the same. I just didn't like the idea of my friends being over drunk, making noise, when it's a Tuesday night and I just want to relax. I tell him no, and that if he tries, I will refuse to let him back in the house.

He comes home with all my friends and lots of booze, pounds on the door and insist I let them in. I go outside and try to tell them not tonight, and try to send them on their way. We are friends so I obviously don't want to fight with them. They proceed to tell me I'm no fun etc etc, usual reverse psychology stuff, guilt tripping etc. I told them it's a weeknight, and I'm just not in the mood. They say "well just let us do it then, you don't have to drink, we'll stay in a different room". My brother tries to say that "he doesn't need my permission", but I try to explain to him it's not about permission. I try to tell them it just cant happen as nice I can. My brother is angry and calls me all sorts of names again, slams the door and storms off back to one of their houses.

I'm sorry, but is it unreasonable for me, in my own home, to not want to let people in, even friends, who will be drinking and making noise all night? My brother called me selfish but I tried to make him see he is being the selfish one. I text my friends but they aren't texting back, I think they're a little upset with me, but, I don't care. Now is not the time and the place and I'm not in the mood, so I believe what I did was fair. What treatment was shown back to me was unfair. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest and ask for second opinions.

Neyite

Discuss it with them when they are sober. You may find that they are more willing to see your point of view then. They are entitled to have guests over, but should take into consideration other house members.

Tokyo

I'm not trying to take this to it's extreme, but if this is an ongoing issue, are you in a position to consider living elsewhere? Sharing a house with others can be hard enough at times; sharing a house with siblings drags a whole bunch of other issues into the mix - sibling rivalries going back twenty years, the fact that one person has probably asserted themselves as the alpha of the group since childhood, the fact that no mater what happens, you're probably not going to have a chat with your landlord if there are continuous issues, so on and so forth.

That doesn't mean you have to cut off ties, or anything of the sort, but a little distance can go a long way towards a healthier relationship...

DaisyD2

Somebody recently told me they lost their school friends over similar problem.

They were seen as having a "free gaff", somewhere to party any time friends wanted but reality was this person needed to study and luckily had head on their shoulders to realise they were being used. Being abused & called a stick in mud/no fun are classic examples of immature behaviors. If you don't put foot down now, you will never be able to.

Also, your sister is 19, was she awake, asleep at this time? Do you or your brother really want her living in a "party gaff"?

Its time to sit down with both of them & establish some ground rules or its a disaster in the making & you'll be back on here every week double guessing what was actually a no brainer reaction to party pals pushing their luck last night

jimmycrackcorm

Op, you haven't mentioned that this is an ongoing problem so I'll assume it isn't. As such I'd have let them come back anyway and if I didn't went to partake then simply stayed in my own room. You mention it being 'your' home but it is also your brothers. Your point about it being a weeknight is IMO moot given effectively its no different to a Saturday night in the circumstances.

TLDR if it isn't an ongoing problem then you could have made an exception given you were gong to be off work.

ShowMeTheCash

It is inconsiderate of your brother to do this however these are the types of compromises you make when you share accomodation.

Have you ever landed back with friends when he was in Bed or had work the next day?

If this was a one off no point getting your kickers in a twist it happens and from time to time will probably happen again.

As long as he is paying his share of the rent then it is not for you to prevent him do anything, the same way if I told one of my old house mates that none of his friends are getting in I would promptly be told where to go!

If it gets to the point where you cannot live there anymore then perhaps look for a place of your own.

amdublin

Is this the family home or you all rent together?

If the latter I'd suggest you rent somewhere else with other people.