Should I end my relationship

Always smiling

Hi
I've been with my boyfriend just over 7 years and we have a 6yr old child. I am considering ending our relationship but worry that I'm been selfish and unrealistic. My partner is not a bad man I'm sure he loves me but he never shows it I always find valentines hard because I hear friends/ work colleagues and see on social media how other peoples boyfriends made them feel special by bringing them places ,getting them gifts and the stories that hurt the most are
things like he cleaned up or made dinner etc. I worked an 11hr shift valentines starting at 4am wen I got home he had left flowers on the kitchen table( he
Rang me the day before n asked me wat he should get me) the house was a mess ,he spent the day watching football I made my own dinner. This is just an example but over the years there's been
no romance and I've always felt unsupported on wat I do it's like he has the inability to put himself in my shoes. I've always been there for him n he would admit this. The first few years I repressed these feeling but over the last couple of years I've made my needs very clear to him but he's made no attempt to meet them. I don't want my daughter to come from a broken home I did and it caused me a lot of pain as a child. My question is can a relationship work without romance ?Am I being selfish to
want more ? Is breaking up a family
because of no romance a good enough reason ? Thank you.

Taltos

Better here I think OP.
Can those who have followed this thread over from the other forum please read the local charter before posting.

Thanks
Taltos

Shrap

Always smiling wrote: »

Am I being selfish to
want more ? Is breaking up a family
because of no romance a good enough reason ? Thank you.

Quick answers - No, and No.

Longer answers - You're not selfish to want more when your needs are not being met even half way.

Lack of romance is probably not a good enough reason to break up a family, but all your other reasons are. I mean, if you were in a relationship where love and care were demonstrated by your partner's hard work with sharing the work load and respect for your busy lives, then you wouldn't focus on the lack of romance so much. If you felt loved, then there'd be no reason to ask the question, would there?

Bunging a bunch of flowers on the table in the middle of the bomb-site that your partner didn't lift a finger to deal with is not love, is it? Sorry hon, he sounds like an utter waster, and broken homes can be much better for children than growing up in a family where one person basically sponges off another while the other person runs themselves into the ground to cater for everyone.

pookie82

You'll often be accused of being materialistic or sentimental for mourning a lack of romance in a relationship. Too influenced by movies and unrealistic love stories and told to focus on what's important, etc. But honestly, having been in a relationship for years in the past where romance was practically non existent, it wears you down.

As you say, you spend year after year seeing OTHER women's husbands/boyfriends make an effort to mark special days to remind them they're loved. These don't have to be grand gestures either, it could be the effort to drive you to your favourite place for a walk, breakfast in bed, or even cleaning the house that day so you don't have to. Anything at all to make you feel a little spoiled or special.

When you have to drag that out of someone, it's exhausting. It should come naturally. There's nothing more insulting than being asked "what do you want for X so?" because the person can't even be bothered to think of anything at all themselves. Believe me, I know.

Granted some guys are more romantic than others, but it's in their power to make an effort if they fall short every year and you've communicated this.

A lack of presents/gestures on special days in itself would not be a reason to break up a family. But the general thoughtlessness you allude to on all other days of the year would. Nothing will kill love quicker than the feeling of being utterly taken for granted.

I think you need to have a conversation outside of any specific Valentine's day gripe and just tell him that you're on your last legs, patience wise, and he needs to start demonstrating, EVERY day, in some small way, that he values you, or you see no point in sticking around. It'll just wear you into the ground over the years if you say nothing and let him continue to constantly overlook his own responsibilities in the relationship.

I think a common misconception in a lot of relationships, especially over time, is that the need for romance goes out the window. If anything, as time goes on, it's even more important. It reminds you what brought you together, that you love and are loved. Throw kids and the daily grind into the mix, running a house, raising a family, paying bills, doing laundry, and it's even more important to take time, in little ways, to remind you why you're in it.

He sounds to me like the type of man who just assumes you'll always be there and any need for effort on his part to keep a spark alive is non existent.

MagicMarker

OP, what did you do for him on Valentines?