Quarter life crisis - no idea what to do with myself

LegacyUser

So I'm currently in Asia travelling. Young and being able to see the world, life should be rosy for me right? But that couldn't be further from the truth.

I am paralyzed by indecisiveness and a lack of any idea about what I wanna do with myself. As well as that, I also suffer with social anxiety issues, slight depression and severe low self-esteem. I haven't been on a date in 3 years because of my low opinion of myself.

Instead of seeing choices as opportunities, I get paralyzed by fear that I'll make the wrong decision. For example right now I'm fixated on the choice between travelling Asia for a bit and coming home to get a grip on my anxiety or continuing on from asia and fecking off to Australia for a year.

A normal person would see both choices as giving me opportunities to learn about myself but I keep fretting over what is the right choice. Some of you may wonder why an anxious depressed guy is travelling in the first place. The answer is because its the only thing I really enjoy.

Half way through my 20s I thought I'd have some idea of the career I want but nope. I just picked a good paying job that enables me to travel. I then quit when I had money to travel.

I guess I'm wondering do people at my age (25) go thru similar thoughts of having no idea what they want in life or where they are going? Does it all just come together eventually? I'm doubtful. Also with regards to the choice of coming home to deal with anxiety or going to Australia, which choice makes most sense? Part of me says deal with anxiety and that Australia will still be there in a year or 2 but another part says that I've never got help for it before so who's to say I will when I go home, why don't I just go to oz.

Its frustrating to be the way I am because underneath, I know there's a confident charismatic guy waiting to cone out. I even travelled to Asia alone so I have more confidence than I think. I just wish this anxious, over thinking part of me would go away. Any advice at all would be nice.

Green Giant

OP, you are doing great for yourself by having the courage to travel to the other side of the world on your own, so clearly you are a confident individual.

Please don't squander your travelling time with such worries. The 'right decision' or 'wrong decision' is not clear cut. What's right for one person may be wrong for another. The most important thing is to decide in your own heart and soul what's right for you. Yes, by all means seek advice from others, but only you should decide your future. Don't sell yourself short just to satisfy someone else.

Keep travelling. Enjoy every moment of it. I've never been but I would reckon that it is a wonderful experience and one which, if you let yourself enjoy it, you will reminisce about fondly for the rest of your life. You may never get this chance again, so embrace it now while you have it. The long-term outlook can be addressed afterwards.

I'm 26 and I've no job. There is no 'fast track' to a long-term career. Some might be lucky (albeit, in many cases, deserving of their luck) to land the job of their dreams in their early 20s. For others, it may take longer. Once you've completed your travel, decide what job you WANT to have and work towards obtaining it. It will take effort and determination, but if you want it badly enough, you will persevere towards it.

For now, though, put the future to one side and live for today. You could potentially be in the middle of the best experience of your life. All you need to do is embrace it and, before long, you will feel so much happier.

cailin_donn

I'm in the same position- sort of. I'm not abroad, or travelling. But I'm at that point in my twenties when it's a bit like "****, what next?"

This sounds quite self-absorbed but I don't think people understand sometimes, especially generations older than us, what it's like to come out of a college degree. For four years life was so sweet, no big decisions to be made, except what your plans were for the summer! Life has always been s structured and then BOOM, its out into the real world. The real world where your expectations about post-college life are shattered, and a degree is almost as common as a Leaving Certificate.

And then, there's the whole pressure of getting your life together, and 'settling down'. It sounds silly, but older people see people our age who aren't in relationships and sometimes I feel like they're judging? But, how can we get into relationships with people when we are all travelling, moving around the country for jobs, and loving single life too much? There's an aspect of society that's completely new, our generation don't settle the way our parents did. We are more selfish. We do what's best for us, and don't want to be 'tied down'. Loving relationships have negative connotations, as though someone is missing out on life by being in one.

The quarter life crisis is a very real, and very scary thing!

LegacyUser

I guess I'd just hoped that by 25 I'd have some sort of clue what job I really wanted. Are there many people out there who don't enjoy their jobs or just settle for jobs that pay the bills? I suppose there are. But I want my job to be enjoyable. Right now all I know is that my passion is travelling so the way I'm living my life is to accomodate that. For example, looking for temporary work in my field. I work for like a year then take extended breaks to travel like im doing now. I don't know if this is ideal because at some stage I'll have to settle into a career.

Rubberchikken

have you considered a career in the travel industry? combine your love of travel with a job you actually want to do, in a field you have experience in.

i would never advise anyone to do just any job just for the sake of it, it will just grind you down eventually.

hope you're having a great trip btw:)

playedalive

OP. You are not alone and your story is so common on boards. I am going through the same thing here at 24. I am living in France at the moment, teaching English. For me, travelling was important and getting out of Ireland meant growing up, moving out and getting that independence I needed. Also I couldn't get a job with my language skills. Like yourself, I have low self esteem and anxiety issues.

While I feel France has helped me get some perspective and make some good changes, I have learned while travelling you do still bring problems with you. At the same time, home life (family in my case) can bring triggers into place, especially if anxiety runs in your family. But anxiety or problems will still be there. It really is about finding ways to cope.

That being said, I don't exactly feel at home either in small town France and do miss home. English teaching is not a well paid job and can be pretty miserable at times, dealing with teens. I don't know what exactly I enjoy doing, except travelling and languages. My deliberation is going back to Ireland for a masters in Tourism or staying in TEFL for another year. But, I don't think teaching is for me long term. It's a case of heart versus practicality. I guess we're both in this.

I guess going back to Ireland would mean you having to stand up to your demons. Though, maybe Australia for a year might give you that perspective to be able to plan to fight those demons. I feel moving away has given me the confidence that I can depend on myself to make good decisions without family involved. But then, there is the thin line between running away from problems and getting perspective.

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire

confused15 wrote: »

Does it all just come together eventually?

No, it requires decisive and continuous action. I've been waiting about 15 years for everything to magically work itself out, because I was stupid enough to listen to people who assured me everything would work itself out. Don't listen to these people. They're just placating you so they don't have to listen to or engage with your problems. It's a dismissal from unsupportive people.
It's nice to hear though, because it gives you a license to continue running away from those pesky decisions. You get to continue avoiding discomfort, and they get you to shut up about what's bothering you, everybody wins... except you, 10 years down the line when you're wondering why everything hasn't worked itself out.
If you're anything like me, you already know what you should do. But fear wants something else, fear wants excuses and rationalisations. It wants you to erect barriers in front of decisions, and it wants you to throw your hands up in the air, say "woe is me" and go back to the comfort zone.
Get your anxiety sorted out, living with it is a slow death and will rob years from you.

LegacyUser

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire wrote: »

<Mod Snip> No need to quote full post. It clogs up the thread with duplicate text

You've made some good points but when you say I already know what I should do - in terms of career I don't have a clue honestly. I don't know what kind of job I would enjoy. Possibly cooking, possibly journalism but none of these things are a passion. Travel is my passion and ideally I would build my life around it. But that's quite difficult when I don't know what job I want. I terms of my next step in life I do know what I want though. I want to beat anxiety and head to Australia for a year. So after travelling Asia I'll go home and see a therapist and then in 4 or 5 months be in a more positive healthier frame of mind to enjoy Australia. (assuming the therapy works). In terms of some long term life plan I'm f*cking clueless though

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire

I don't know what kind of job I would enjoy.

Yeah I recognise this dilemma, I used it to talk myself out of going to college in my 20's. "But I could study anything?!" So I studied nothing... genius. Believe me when I say you can kick this same can down the road for years and years. It's kind of a bullshítty question to begin with, because it's unsolvable and requires lived experience of careers that you can't make guesses about.
"I can't choose which box to open, because I don't know what's inside them".
It's that kind of shítty circular logic that makes this question a trap. I think you're setting yourself up for endless indecision and dawdling... and maybe deep down that's what you want. I think that's what I wanted when I used it to piss away years of my life.
But things could look very different if you got help with the anxiety/depression. Just be careful about losing momentum and letting these questions disable you.