Single father need opinions

getsome

Hey

Just looking to see if anyone is in a similar situation, currently out of a 6 year relationship and it feels like a constant battle with my ex over my child and other issues.

So far she has missed pick up times e.g said she would pick our child at 11 and doesn't turn up till 3, done this 4 times so far in the space of 4 month split.

Contently ringing with issues such as car problems.

Decides to tell me she is seeing someone as is a considerate but yet she screws me on everything else.

Tells me im not seeing my child enough even do its three times a week and every saturday.

Basically does this battle go on for long? Anyone else in a similar situation that we can feel sorry for each other?

Valentines day brings out so much emotion :pac:

Emme

getsome wrote: »

Hey

Just looking to see if anyone is in a similar situation, currently out of a 6 year relationship and it feels like a constant battle with my ex over my child and other issues.

So far she has missed pick up times e.g said she would pick our child at 11 and doesn't turn up till 3, done this 4 times so far in the space of 4 month split.

Contently ringing with issues such as car problems.

Decides to tell me she is seeing someone as is a considerate but yet she screws me on everything else.

Tells me im not seeing my child enough even do its three times a week and every saturday.

Basically does this battle go on for long? Anyone else in a similar situation that we can feel sorry for each other?

Valentines day brings out so much emotion :pac:

Four times a week is good but by the sounds of her the child might be better off living with you altogether. You sound like a good father. Does she want to socialise and have you take the child off her hands while she is out? It sounds like the child might be better off with you but you have to think of what the child wants and what is best for the child.

I would be concerned for the child's welfare - does the mother have the child's best interests at heart?

Stheno

Have you gone to mediation/court to formalise the access arrangements?

getsome

Stheno wrote: »

Have you gone to mediation/court to formalise the access arrangements?

Currently working on that now, she forced my hand to go there as she keeps threatening me with it so i took the initiative on it

PucaMama

Emme wrote: »

Four times a week is good but by the sounds of her the child might be better off living with you altogether. You sound like a good father. Does she want to socialise and have you take the child off her hands while she is out? It sounds like the child might be better off with you but you have to think of what the child wants and what is best for the child.

I would be concerned for the child's welfare - does the mother have the child's best interests at heart?

can i ask the problem with the mother socialising? do you think the father isnt?

Emme

PucaMama wrote: »

can i ask the problem with the mother socialising? do you think the father isnt?

No problem with either parent socialising as long as the child is being properly cared for and people drop off and pick up the child on time. Be responsible parents and don't mess the child around. The OP said that the mother has been late picking up the child on a number of occasions.

PucaMama

Emme wrote: »

No problem with either parent socialising as long as the child is being properly cared for and people drop off and pick up the child on time. Be responsible parents and don't mess the child around. The OP said that the mother has been late picking up the child on a number of occasions.

its hardly neglect being late

forgodssake

very interested to see the response you get on here as have a family member in similar situation. have no advice for you but wish you all the best .

Tasden

You say you see your child four times a week and that she is saying you don't see the child enough- how much time are you spending with the child? Like you can see your child 4 times a week but only spend an hour at a time with the child, in which case it actually isn't a lot at all, so just to give a better idea...?

A formalised arrangement is obviously best if possible. Her being late constantly when arrangements have been made is taking the piss tbh

pablo128

PucaMama wrote: »

its hardly neglect being late

No, but serious bad form if the chap had to go to work after the child was supposed to be picked up.

Jude13

I would keep a diary of everything, I found emailing myself was a handy tool of logging no shows or last minute canceling.

I would suggest trying, in a nice way, to get down on paper what both of you want prior to calling any solicitors etc. Remember that the only person who's feeling shouldn't get hurt are the child's. When you have arrangements down on paper it can then be referred to in the future, i.e. either party cannot be considered unreasonable as they had agreed on the framework/rules of visitation or whatever.

It is a really really tough situation. Best of luck

getsome

Emme wrote: »

I would be concerned for the child's welfare - does the mother have the child's best interests at heart?

I have considered this she just recently contacted me asking if she gets accepted into the army would I take our child for 17 weeks full time, and when shes done give back custody. All so she can have a better future for both of them. which is fair enough but not sure if that would be good for our child as nothing is stable.

Emme wrote: »

can i ask the problem with the mother socialising? do you think the father isnt?

I agree with her going out, its just being late after I stated I would be working, if it was a flat tyre or any emergency I would understand.

I seen my child 3-4 days a week during the week its only for couple hours due to work and school in morning, im thinking of gettting a phone call arrangement for during the week as i see him less then.

PucaMama

getsome wrote: »

I have considered this she just recently contacted me asking if she gets accepted into the army would I take our child for 17 weeks full time, and when shes done give back custody. All so she can have a better future for both of them. which is fair enough but not sure if that would be good for our child as nothing is stable.

i think she is doing a great thing in doing this, really cant see a problem

getsome

PucaMama wrote: »

i think she is doing a great thing in doing this, really cant see a problem

I think the intention in the end is good aswell, just how she wants to arrange it, Dont think she though about that properly.

PucaMama

getsome wrote: »

I think the intention in the end is good aswell, just how she wants to arrange it, Dont think she though about that properly.

the father having the child for a few weeks straight while she goes into the army, is the same as her having the child while he trains. its not a bad thing.

getsome

PucaMama wrote: »

the father having the child for a few weeks straight while she goes into the army, is the same as her having the child while he trains. its not a bad thing.

Yeah but were not in a relationship, she is currently on loan parents so isn't in the situation to get full time work, if I were to take my child I would have to give up full time work aswell then. for 17 weeks and then to hand back full custody when shes done? I don't see what I would be getting out of this in the long term and for my child nothing is stable as hes is going all over the place.

Tasden

getsome wrote: »

Yeah but were not in a relationship, she is currently on loan parents so isn't in the situation to get full time work, if I were to take my child I would have to give up full time work aswell then. for 17 weeks and then to hand back full custody when shes done? I don't see what I would be getting out of this in the long term and for my child nothing is stable as hes is going all over the place.

But she's trying to create a situation where she can provide for her child herself. 17 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things especially if it leads to stability in the future. And being with one parent full time for a certain period of time is the opposite of being all over the place..? That's not to say you should or shouldn't do it, I'm just saying I can see the benefits. Are you able to organise childcare for those 17 weeks so you wouldn't have to give up work?

skallywag

PucaMama wrote: »

its hardly neglect being late

Not if it's a once off but it seems it's a repetitive problem in this case.

DamoKen

PucaMama wrote: »

its hardly neglect being late

No one said it was. It is however a bit irresponsible to make a habit of being late. We're not talking about a half hour here, 4 hours is taking the p*ss. From what the OP said there is no excuse given and it's happened once a month.

Be honest, if this happened to you on an ongoing basis when it not only messed you around but your child as well you'd be a bit frustrated to say the least.

Chemical Byrne

What's the betting she's still expecting to be paid maintenance for those 17 weeks.
TBH, someone who flakes out as frequently as she paints a very bad picture of a person in my book.

Re the socialising, there is nothing wrong with occasional socialising for either parent. But my hunch is that all this flaking is actually her just dumping the child on dad's doorstep when she gets the notion she'd fancy a booze up.