The Firsts.....

LegacyUser

So I am not looking for advice or sympathy but I do want to give a little advice on dealing with people who are dealing with the 1st Easter, Christmas, Birthday etc of somebody who has lost somebody very close to them.

My sibling died very suddenly last year and whilst it hit us very hard we as a family know to be there for each other on the special occasions in each of our lives…or so I thought!

So when my other siblings and parents had their birthdays / wedding anniversary’s/ Christmas / siblings first birthday away from home etc we all (as a family) gathered around them for that day….even if it meant traveling half way across the country. We got Uncles / Aunties / Cousins / Neighbours to call into family members on the day also just so that the family member wouldn’t be left alone.

Well last Tuesday was my 1st Birthday since my sibling died and to say that I was dreading the occasion was an understatement. I knew that I would miss the phonecall and visit from my sibling as they had always made such a massive effort for me for my birthday. My husband left early in the morning as he works away from home and wont be back until this evening. My MIL and SIL called out on Tuesday morning for a cuppa and to fill in the morning as they assumed that I would have my own family calling later in the day. Then after they left…nothing… No phonecall, visit or any sort of acknowledgment from any member of my family (siblings, parents, cousins, aunties or uncles). When my husband rang later in the evening I tried to put on a brave face and tell him that I was ok with no acknowledgement from my family. When the phonecall ended I was in floods of tears and have been ever since. I feel abandoned and forgotten by my own family.

Without my in-laws I don’t think I would have gotten through this year so far…they’ve been amazing since my siblings death and especially around the Christmas / New Year period. I have been able to talk to them about anything and they have included me in any outings even if they are just going for a Coffee!
My own family on the other hand have constantly left me out since my sibling died and I know my sibling would be so disappointed & angry with them for that!

Yesterday one sibling texted me to say that they had gotten something for another siblings Birthday in 2 weeks time and the plans to visit that sibling on their Birthday and whether or not I would be available to go…no Happy Birthday or acknowledgement for my Birthday. I still haven’t replied and will have to give it some consideration.

Anyway rant over….

So, just a little advice if you have a relation or friend that has lost somebody close to them please make the effort to be there with them on the 1st of each occasion let it be Religious Holiday, Wedding Anniversary or their Birthday! I wouldn’t want anyone else to suffer as I have this week.

tictoc

greengirl31 wrote:

I took about 3 weeks off around my Mum’s death … about a week and a half of which was following her death. We had the funeral and various family members returned to where they came from. This was coming into December. As well as working, I also study part time and I needed to get some assignments in before Christmas. So my focus in December was to get those done and just get to Christmas … I had almost 2 weeks off then and I’d use that time to just chill out and reflect I suppose.

Thank you so much for this. I lost my best friend 3 months ago. I always wondered if I should go and be with her family on those firsts, ( her first birthday, first easter all passed within two weeks of losing her. ) After reading your post Im not in limbo anymore and will ensure I spend the rest of those first with her family. The next first is my birthday and this year I wont celebrate it as my birthday but will dedicate it to the memory of my beautiful best friend.

tictoc

Replied to wrong comment sorry