Feeling down about rejection

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am taking lessons in a hobby and have been for over a year.
There is a tutor there who never paid much attention to me until a couple of months ago.
He suddenly started saying hi to me and on a few occasions would make extended eye contact in class. I found out through Facebook that he became single recently also.
I'm extremely shy and at first avoided eye contact because I didn't want to get involved with anyone but the idea grew on me. In one class he stared at me so much that another girl noticed and said it to me after. Another class or two later i eventually I got the nerve to return it and he smiled etc.

One evening i had a question to ask about the lesson so stayed back to talk about it and he was really weird with me, he kept looking over my shoulder as I spoke. I figured maybe he was just nervous and I decided to ask him out since I figured i had been acting shy for so long and should make a move.
He said he was busy helping a friend with something for the weekend and didn't offer any other day so I took it as a no... I'm so embarrassed. It's my first time to ever ask a guy out and I really thought it would go better.
I'm mortified now when i see him and am considering leaving the course over it byi paid upfront and was expensive. The time and days suit me too.
Has anyone got any advice... I've been on a ton of crap dates recently and it took a LOT of guts to get the confidence to ask him, it's actually really got me down as i am 30 now and so tired of being single.

MrWalsh

Relax! Don't be taking it so hard. He may feel it's inappropriate to get involved with a current student.

It was still worth asking him, at least now you know. If you'd not asked you'd be in an agony of wanting to ask! So you did it and he said no, that's it. Rejection is never easy but tis better to have tried. Fair play to you!

honey79

Well done on asking him that took guts

Don't leave the class keep going the embarrassment will pass

Sorry it didn't work out but I admire you for asking him

santana75

There could be a load of reasons why he didn't say yes and I guarantee that none of them have anything to do with you. There's a great book called The four agreements and one of the agreements is that you never take anything personally. Another is that you Dont make assumptions. I know it hurts and it was probably a big shock but the worst thing you can do is to allow it to get in there and damage your confidence. Dont allow it. What you did was brave end of story so you can take that from the situation. And having courage like that is a great thing. I once asked my yoga teacher out and it was similar to what happened you, she said she was busy and couldn't make it, and didn't offer an alternative day. I took it as a rejection at the time but months later she explained to me that she had panicked and it was because of nerves that she said no. She apologised and said if I was still interested that she'd love to go out.
So Dont take it personally, trust me it wasn't a rejection. Let things play themselves out and in time you'll find out what really happened. In the meantime don't leave the course, screw that.

Rosie Rant

It seems to me like he does feel some attraction for you but he is your tutor and he has just come out of a relationship. There's no need to be embarrassed.

rcarroll

OP I'm a teacher and would never ever consider getting involved with a student, it's way too cringey and could damage your reputation, let alone any other repercussions for work (losing your job etc)....

It would've been better to wait till after the course finishes to make a move, but now that it's done, don't take it personally and who knows, maybe he does like you but like myself, wouldn't consider it until the course is over.

AlteredStates

Well done Flash - that took great courage. Don't see it as failure, see it as a giant leap in overcoming pride.

I feel your pain.. I had a similar experience. I had the courage but I never got a proper personal response - at least you got a brush off. Even that gave you closure.. I still haven't got it as I didn't get a proper answer (either way). I have finally reached surrender and given up now as the only morale I look for in a man is truth and he doesn't have the ability for it. I was speaking to my sister today and she went through me for a shortcut. She basically said I had the courage, but must be insane to think that he feels the same way (he puts up stuff and reacts to stuff I put up on net) but has never spoke to me directly about the situation or responded to me. She thinks I am nuts and today after her harsh but caring and concerned words, I have realised I have been.

I have decided to give myself closure on the situation. I have all the love I need inside so don't need this man in my life (regardless of how strong the connection) I need honesty and If I give it, I expect it back (he will say I am being controlling as his own defence mechanism - his issue not mine).

Huge congrats on being honest, rest assured, there are plenty of other men out there and the right one will be flattered with your advances. Wishing you all the success with your dating. I cant wait to practice my new found freedom with others.. even if they say no.. my response will be, you wont know till you try ... Most people on the deathbeds would say.. I regret... Mine will be I Lived my life without regret and for that I have truly lived!!

Buona Fortuna

Don't feel embarrassed. You did a brave thing.

Think as well that rather than just appearing timid, you come across as having some confidence.

Good for you

LegacyUser

Thanks for your support everyone.
I am still quite embarrassed and also a bit annoyed that he gave me mixed signals. All that staring but doesn't actually want to do anything beyond that. Maybe he knew I liked him and just enjoyed the attention, who knows.

cactusgal

I'm also a teacher (recreational evening classes for adults) and I'd never go out with a student. I wouldn't take it too personally. I agree with other posters that you should have waited til the end of the course.

LegacyUser

Well, he's back to the staring again.
When explaining things etc. I don't stare back. There is another girl who is quite loud and attention seeking in class (sits right up the front, always messing with him) and he makes a point of looking over when she does it, no idea what that's supposed to make me think but screw these mixed signals, he had his chance! The embarrassment has subsided and now I'm focusing on class.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm glad you seem to have resolved this, OP. Enjoy the rest of the class.

Thread Locked.