chronic cowardice in asking someone out,help?

EmcD123

Hey guys, theres this girl ,we didnt talk much before but talking a good bit more now,still not that much, always had a crush on her for like years now ,not entirely sure why but i met her again today for the first time in a short while and the crush really came back, was tempted to ask but again i chickened out.

It doesnt help that the one girl i ever asked out said no and i dont have that much experience ,the only girl ive ever gone out with asked me so ya.
Do you guys think its a good idea to ask someone like this even if youve known them like for a few years?
Im a bit confused, i dont really ever go to the point of actually considering asking somebody out, usually i just dont care enough about that type of stuff but everytime i do think about it i chicken out and ive tried everything to try and be more confident but things just never go my way

Shrap

EmcD123 wrote: »

It doesnt help that the one girl i ever asked out said no and i dont have that much experience ,the only girl ive ever gone out with asked me so ya.
Do you guys think its a good idea to ask someone like this even if youve known them like for a few years?

I'm not a guy, and tbh am probably old enough to be your mum but I'll try and answer this part honestly. When I was in my early 20's hanging out with a range of ages from 18 to late 20's, the done thing seemed to be more a kind of falling into a relationship through hanging out a lot and getting to know someone on a friendship basis. I don't remember many relationships between my friends that went beyond a couple of dates which didn't start from this point, so I reckon knowing someone a few years is a bonus actually.

You seem to not know this girl very well though, so yes, the appalling vista of you being turned down is definitely a potential. My advice is to not ask her out as such but if you can at all arrange it, ask her to a get-together of some sort on a friendship basis - maybe out with your mates (male and female)? Do you do that anyway?

It will be frustrating for you as a young man (I'm guessing that) to be turned down for dates, but I'm afraid you will have to grow a thick skin about such things. Being turned down by one girl will feel off-putting, that's for sure, but you may have to be turned down by 10 before being able to say "Oh, there's a pattern here". Maybe you will be turned down, but nothing ventured nothing gained OP!

I do think knowing someone very well is a far better starting point than asking someone straight out on a "hardly ever see them" basis.....

EmcD123

When i say hardly know them,i mean never really talked alone with the person . We have plenty in common and i can hold a conversation pretty well with her,. was thinking of asking it more as a friendship type get together anyway. We have mostly the same circle of friends anyway so i guess that could work.
How would you put that though? Its not so much the fear of rejection that stops me but more that i overthink how to do the asking where i eventually convince myself its not worth it and i end up with loads of regrets and what ifs going round in my head

Saralee4

Has she given you a reason or signals that make you think she would say yes?

Shrap

EmcD123 wrote: »

When i say hardly know them,i mean never really talked alone with the person . We have plenty in common and i can hold a conversation pretty well with her,. was thinking of asking it more as a friendship type get together anyway. We have mostly the same circle of friends anyway so i guess that could work.
How would you put that though? Its not so much the fear of rejection that stops me but more that i overthink how to do the asking where i eventually convince myself its not worth it and i end up with loads of regrets and what ifs going round in my head

Well, if you have a close friend in the know, this will be infinitely easier. Maybe if there's a gig/cinema trip coming up, or a general night out (a gig/film would seem more special tbh) then you could call her and just ask "hey, a few of us are going out to x/y/z - would you be into going along?". Have arrangements made like where/when you're meeting and who will be there (list them all for her) and then say something with a get-out clause like "Cool if you can't - just thought it'd be nice if you were there?". That kind of thing. I reckon when you're young and VERY unsure, it's best to keep it casual so that you don't feel too burned if she's not into it.

As for overthinking the actual asking, I can totally understand how hard it is, which is why I'd recommend you approaching asking her as if she's a bit of a stranger in town that you're extending the hand of friendship and inclusion to. But make sure your best male friends know what you're doing in case one of them might hit on her if she does go out with you all.... :-/ ! Hope you get the nerve up OP! But don't be too hard on yourself if you don't. You've plenty of time

EmcD123

Thanks for all the advice, makes it sound so simple haha i do happen to have a good friend who would definitely be helpful with this,and there is an occassion coming up soon that seems fitting. Im trying to change things around a bit this year and try to cut back on what ifs, which is why im turning to this forum for the advice, so thank you, loads of ideas in those messages you wrote