I'm a joke in work

winstona1980

Hi All,

First time posting here just needed to get some stuff off my chest.

I am currently working for a company in a high pressure role. I work very hard and stay back late most nights.

My boss gave me a 'nickname' a few months back and it has stuck, the nickname was part of a joke but it has gotten out of hand, people are gossiping about me based on this nickname, which implies that I am useless at my job. I am very well respected in my job by my colleagues.

The problem is this nickname has seen people question my work and I have overheard a few nasty things said about me that are in no form true. Two women in particular have said some very nasty stuff about me, one instance which I overheard because I was sitting behind her and she thought I was on break.

I love my job but some people have stopped speaking to me altogether i.e will not salute or engage in conversation with me, these are also people who won't speak to other workers who they class as useless. very strange stuff. It makes me feel awkward in work. I am a fairly nervous person but I can handle myself. I would be more passive than assertive and generally ignore the gossip and get on with my work.

I had an issue last week where a group of managers tried to push me under the bus for a mistake that happen in work. A mail was sent to my manager tearing me to shreds. I explained how it was actually the fault of 3 managers working on the project and I got the full backing from my manager that I wasn't at fault. I was only fighting my corner as they wanted someone else to take the heat for their mistake.

One manager in particular has taken a huge dislike to me after this incident and has been using some very aggressive body language i.e long stares, clenched fists etc. He has stopped speaking to me and this makes meetings quite awkward.

I am getting very paranoid as I feel he is also laughing at me behind my back but he behaves this way with anyone that he doesn't get on with. We work with a guy that is gay and this manager doesn't like him and when the guy who is gay is not in the meeting the manager refers to him by names that would be considered offensive to members of the gay community.

I just feel like my life is a mess, I can't switch off in the evening all I think about is work and the only way I can into a relaxed state at home is by drinking. I have broken out in a rash all over my legs. I work very hard but I feel like I'm not being respected. This manager is out the gap at 5pm each evening, I can average 60+ hours a week.

I guess I'm just venting, I was thinking of leaving but at the moment this is a good opportunity for me.

johnnyskeleton

Workplace issues like this can be very stressful and hard to deal with. Is there a HR person or is there any booklet about what to do re: bullying issues. I know its more of a joke gone too fsr than bullying but it might be a way to resolve the matter.

Best of luck

connected1

Hi, it sounds like a really toxic work environment, you have my full sympathy and is no surprise you're stressed.
Some advice from someone who went through similar years ago : log everything, because if you need to go to your boss or take things further it will look better if you have specific exsmples. Also just writing down what's happening may help you to feel less stressed. It sounds likeyour immediate boss has your back and sees your worth so it may be worthwhile asking them informally for advice, and telling them about the hassle their nickname has caused. It was your boss who gave you that, wasnt it? Go into work with your head held high because you haven't done anything wrong, unfortunately there are always a few **** in every workplace

winstona1980

To be honest I'd prefer not to take it to HR. I am going to log everything starting tonight, my plan is to get out of there, Just writing the whole thing down has made me feel a lot better, I realize these people are totally unprofessional.

My boss has a lot of respect for me, he is always pushing left right and centre to make sure I get longer contract extensions and the last thing he usually says to me when leaving work is to go home that stuff can wait till tomorrow.

I guess in the last 2 months my stress has gone up and I lose focus and get paranoid about things. It's hard to switch off when you feel like something you put so much effort into is being twisted in something it isn't.

Thanks for the replies.

Rubberchikken

Tbh these colleagues sound like idiots. How adults in so-called professional jobs can behave and treat others like this is always a mystery to me.

I'm sorry you're putting up with such nonsense. You seem like a person who is good at their job and wants to do a proper day's work and then head home to relax and you are entitled to a decent work place. So i agree with the advice of logging incidents, comments etc.

Decide how long you're willing to do this then bring it to HR. don't allow them to fob you off. They have a responsibility to all their employees.

In the meantime, try to see the people you have described as the insecure people they are.

Good luck

connected1

You're so right winstona1980, these people are totally unprofessional, and no better example of that is the manager who namecalls the work colleague who happens to be gay - I thought that kind of stuff would have gone out with the ark. That should let you know that its nothing to do with you and you shouldn't be getting paranoid. It sounds like these people have been getting away with stuff that shouldn't be tolerated in any workplace. Keep logging it, apart from anything itll make you realise that is not you, it's them. Best of luck

LifesgoodwithLG

Hi OP just wanted to wish you best of luck. I appreciate that you don't want to speak to HR so maybe you would speak to your boss off the record. Tell him or her that you appreciate their support and ask if they have any advice as the other managers are aggressive.

Bill Carson

Can't understand how adults can act like children. Seen this before, petty little power struggles, bullying, mind games, pathetic middle managers on power trips...I wish I was self employed.

Rubberchikken

Hi Op
understand you don't want to take it to HR.
writing it downwill help. if for nothing else than to show how pathetic these people are behaving.

good luck with the job hunt.

Magenta

winstona1980 wrote: »

I work very hard and stay back late most nights.

For a start, stop doing this. You either have too much work to do or you are not doing it efficiently, but staying late most nights and not getting recognised properly for it is a mug's game. You should never love your company more than you love yourself and if I was getting treated like you are I'd be out the door at 6pm every evening without a second thought.

pookie82

Multiple issues going on here to be honest, hard to tell if they're all separate or related.

From reading the first half I thought you meant that it all stemmed from this nickname, but I think that's only part of it? I find it hard to understand how a jokey nickname would change people's opinion of you so much that they've stopped talking to you. Fully accept that you're uncomfortable with it and I would be too ... there's a line between "office banter" and daily slagging and I think the nickname against your will crosses that line.

As for those who won't talk to you ... you say they don't talk to others who they don't like either? Sounds like an ignorant little posse that most offices unfortunately have. If they behave like this with various people then it's nothing you have done wrong, and by virtue of that, there's nothing you can therefore do to change it, unless you take it to HR.

As for what I see as issue No.3, the aggressive manager - this I wouldn't hesitate to talk to your own boss about, and then maybe take it to HR. Are there many people present when he refers to your gay colleague in demeaning language? Take a silent note of each time this happens, when it happens. This guy sounds like an ignorant imbecile and to be honest that alone would not be tolerated in a workplace were it reported, let alone his aggressive body language.

Take notes for a few weeks and then take stock of what you have gathered, have a friendly chat with your manager about it, keep it "informal" first. The last thing your boss will want is you going to HR, it'll make him look bad. So before you do so, talk to him, tell him you actually don't want to HAVE to go to HR, but need his assistance so that it's not necessary.

I guarantee you he'll intervene to prevent you having to take it higher. Managers hate you going above their heads to HR. Obviously sometimes it's necessary, but make sure you try and have him help you out first.

Also agree with the above post - why do you consistently stay so late? The fact that your manager is telling you when he's heading off that things can wait until the next day, means they CAN. Go home at a decent hour, you're getting no time to unwind and forget the office before you have to go to bed, get up and do it all over again. That's not healthy.

ShowMeTheCash

This kind of stuff really p#sses me off!

I have been pretty lucky, never really worked with anyone where I did not get on with people etc..
But I have seen things (Maybe not as bad as this) and experienced a few little niggles in my career and I think the best way sometimes to just to deal with them head on but be professional. End of the day what is the worst that can happen??? You get fired... If you are professional then you have an unfair dismissal case!

Few years after uni I had a manager who was a tool shout me from his desk.
He was behind me facing away so we had out backs to each other.
I completely ignored him when he done it, he spins around and shouts me again this time adding "You deaf"..
I did not even turn round just said "Richard see the way you are talking to me" he says "Yeah" I say "I don't like it!!" he kind of goes "Hmm Uggh, you got a sec?" Never spoke to me like that again....

Another time at a different company I join a team whereby they had mutiny on their minds, essentially the team lead who was promoted a few months before I joined got the role ahead of the other two in the team which they resented, they used to slag her off at lunch etc infront of me and tell me what she is like.

Later they called a meeting with her manager trying to oust her from her position, he asked me what did i think i was knew, I think they thought I would back them up instead to their faces I told them I have never met two more unprofessional people, they constantly undermine and talk about her behind her back, as for what happened before I joined i have no insite.

I enjoyed the jaw drops, but this is work! Don't be a tool!