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awkward situation

  • 08-02-2015 9:36pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,


    arranged to go to gig with housemates in a couple of weeks. i am dying to go, think it will be brilliant fun.

    Thing is, been through a bit of tough time over past while cause something kind of crap happened year before last year. Had to go on medication and in therapy. Doing ok but have to take it really easy - i can get very easily stressed and need a lot of rest. Housemates aren't aware of this, that's grand it isn't an issue there. Arranging to go to a gig is a big commitment for me at the moment but I really want to go but I know I can just take a rain cheque the day of the gig if things aren't going ok. I'm in between two minds because I know i have a lot of work commitments that week too so i'm playing it by ear.

    One issue, my friend came to visit recently (aware of my situation and hadn't met housemates before ), unbeknownst to me she half made arrangements to travel to come along to the gig and stay with me.

    It's seems grand but it puts me in a bit of a predicament.

    If things get too much for me which they often do and the friend comes to visit I

    a) have to go along when I'm not well which will put me out for ages and I'm really not able

    b) stay home while my friend and my housemates go out together. which makes me a bit uncomfortable as she would be staying with me in my room and going out with my friends that i would be dying to go out with but mightn't be able for it.

    It's a bit awkward and i feel like a bit of a killjoy. Is it reasonable of my to say to friend - don't know if I'm going to be able for gig so mind leaving it out this time?

    I just don't want to set myself up for a situation where i'll be feeling worse. bit sensitive at the moment and trying to do my best to look after myself but at same time wouldn't want to spoil friend's fun.


Comments

  • #2
    Tiddlypeeps
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tiddlypeeps


    You say your friend is aware of your situation so why not just let them know you may not be up for the gig and you were planning to play it by ear but they are still welcome to stay and go to the gig with housemates regardless. This leaves the decision up to your friend if they want to potentially go to the gig with strangers, so if they choose to go anyway then you have no reason to feel bad if you end up not going. In the event of you not going at the last minute the only thing you'll be denying your friend is your company, and you were going to do that anyway if you asked them not to go at all.


  • #3
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,907 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    OP, obviously I don't know your history or circumstances, but is it worth considering that you are already planning for "if I don't go". By thinking about the negative you are making it more likely to happen. So why not plan for going. Even if you think there's a good chance you mightn't go, you need to start convincing yourself that there's no reason not to go. Fool your brain into believing you have every intention of going! Keep telling yourself that you are going and are going to have a really enjoyable night with your friends.

    Because from reading your post it is coming across as if you know you probably won't go. It's too early at this stage to worry about what might happen or how you might feel. So try to convince yourself that nothing will happen. You want to go, so you are going.

    If you already have the backup plan made it will make it much easier for you to back out of it. You know you would like to go, so don't even plan for not going.
    54312 wrote: »
    I arranged to go to gig with housemates in a couple of weeks. i am dying to go, think it will be brilliant fun.

    Just keep repeating this bit to yourself.

    I hope you can overcome whatever it is, and I hope you have a lovely night out with people who will enjoy your company.
    is it reasonable of my to say to friend - don't know if I'm going to be able for gig so mind leaving it out this time?

    I don't think so! If you do say this then you won't go. Just imagine you've said that to your friend and she agrees not to go, for your sake. The night of the gig comes. You feel great. Your housemates are all in great form and you are really looking forward to having a nice night out. But, you've told your friend you probably wouldn't go, so she stayed at home, even though she would have liked to go. So what do you think you are most likely to do... Go, and say "sorry about that" to your friend, who then wonders why you didn't just be honest with her and tell her you didn't want her to go? Or stay at home because you wouldn't want to go after asking your friend to cancel for your sake?


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