Your spouse or your child?

FURET

Interesting discussion took place at work the other day.

Suppose you're a married couple about to have your first baby. Your wife tells you "if anything goes wrong during the delivery and only one of us can be saved (i.e. either the baby or the mother, but not both), you as my husband must choose to save the baby".

All of the men (me included) in the office were unanimous that they would disregard their wives' instructions and choose their spouse over the baby. The women in the office were 50:50 in terms of whether they would sacrifice their own lives.

There was also the case some years ago of a young family in the US whose car crashed into a river and began to sink. The father had a choice: to save his wife or his son. He chose his wife, and his son was drowned.

What says AH?

Mesrine65

Solomon's choice really, what would yo do OP?

Woshy

On my first baby myself and my husband discussed this beforehand and agreed to save me. My husband just couldn't countenance being left without me and a baby to raise.

Due my second baby now and we feel the same way - we couldn't leave my little boy motherless.

It's a horrible thing to think about but good to have it discussed I think.

Wang King

If we are talking moment of birth, I believe every husband would chose their wife, no question.

If it was that drowning situation....I don't know, just hope I never have to face that situation as because whatever choice I made, I'd be devastated about the person I let die

eviltwin

Does that choice even exist in real life out of interest. I choose me everytime and my husband and children feel the same. I'm not a martyr.

dark crystal

I would save my children every time.

Zippie84

I doubt anyone of us could truly know the answer until we're in that situation. Until then (and hoping it never happens) obv just opinions on what we think we would do. Could be totally different in the moment in reality.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I had the same discussion with my wife before our first daughter was born. I chose my wife.

My argument was that I would be left alone with a new baby,absolutely no clue on how to care for a baby and grieving for my wife. I may end up being resentful towards the child and that would be very unfair on s helpless baby. Another point I made was I was being asked to give up someone I knew and loved for a child I'd never even met and that would be very difficult.

My wife agreed.

The Peanut

I must be a horrendous decision to make. If there are older children involved (using the birth scenario), you are depriving them of their mother as opposed to a new younger sibling. You are losing your own partner, a person whom you love as opposed to a child that, on most levels, you won't have bonded with yet. Thinking clinically - and perhaps selfishly or practically whichever side you fall on - there is always the possibility of having more children.I can understand the viewpoint of women though. They have bonded on a far more personal level with the child inside them far more than the father will have.

If the scenario involved was the drowning one where my wife had to save one of my kids over me, I would tell her to pick my child every time. It's a no-win horror for my wife but I would feel that I've had a good shot of live and I couldn't deprive my child of that. My wife however would feel that we could both get through dealing with the trauma afterwards better together than she ever could on her own.

Horrendous decisions no matter what happens.