Not Invited!

hollster2

Hi everyone im just wondering has anyone been through this with there child, my son is in senior infants hes 5.

This morning one of the mothers asked me was my son going to Hs birthday I said no just wondering the child mum might ask me later.

So at the school today he wasn't asked he came out of school and said he asked H could to he to the party which he was told no everyone else in the class is as far as I know.

My son has gone to his partys before I get on great with this boys mum even had play dates and she has my number to call or text they get on well in school.

Im not angry because of it just kind of heart broken for my son his little face he was so upset wondering why?

Am I being silly Ive never experienced this before!?

pwurple

How many children in the class?

I know some people just ask 5-10 children, and not 32 kids to a birthday party.

hollster2

Hi there would be around 18 she always invites them all maybe im just being silly I wont take it to heart as me and her concerned im not that type just more upset for my son don't know what to say or explain why hes not asked!

Boom_Bap

At that age, normally the birthday boy/girl will choose the guest list. That might explain things.

I was at a kids party with my boy last weekend, and there was one boy from the class I noticed who wasnt there, I asked what the story was and it was because the birthday boy didn't want him there.

I would think that in a weeks time, the guest list could be totally different given the nature of kids and how fast they change thier minds.

hollster2

Yes that's what I was thinking just wondering why tbh they get along and play together nice treat for him I thinks in order to try keep his mind off it I think.

polydactyl

My little one is too young for this yet but my heart would break if she asked could she go to a friends party and was told no.I understand for many many parents they cant have all the class to a party but in this case they should have the kids "best friends" and never ever ever leave only one kid out. If he is the only one left out I can understand why you would be upset but I dont know if you should ask the mum the reason why.

Maybe a simple " I was just wondering what X did that he is the only one not invited to H's party, I just want to be able to explain it to him" ie not in an accusatory way just asking.

hollster2

Yes that's it It I wouldn't confront the mother but like that I always invite the whole class even if its a tight budget I wouldn't have the heart to leave anyone out!

bp

If your son isn't invited (and the mam may not even realise as was my case as a child - I fell out with a friend and didn't invite him) then take him somewhere special for the day.

I must say my mother was mortified and sent my around the corner to say sorry and invite them. I was about 6/7

polydactyl

See bp that was good parenting

Moonbeam

My little one dropped one of the invites so one of the girls in her clas got left out and i lost sleep that the poor child would feel left out!!
She invited all the girls as is the norm but she invited the boys that she is friends with too.

RainyDay

polydactyl wrote: »

My little one is too young for this yet but my heart would break if she asked could she go to a friends party and was told no.I understand for many many parents they cant have all the class to a party but in this case they should have the kids "best friends" and never ever ever leave only one kid out. If he is the only one left out I can understand why you would be upset but I dont know if you should ask the mum the reason why.

Honestly, this seems OTT for me. It's always good for kids to learn early that they can't have everything. It's not that hard to explain that you don't get invited to every party, just like you don't invite every kid in the class or the road or the football team to your party.

polydactyl wrote: »

Maybe a simple " I was just wondering what X did that he is the only one not invited to H's party, I just want to be able to explain it to him" ie not in an accusatory way just asking.

Big mistake IMHO. Another parent doesn't need to explain their decisions to you.

beauf

hollster2 wrote: »

Yes that's it It I wouldn't confront the mother but like that I always invite the whole class even if its a tight budget I wouldn't have the heart to leave anyone out!

I don't see any reason to leave out one or two from a whole class. If the rest are invited.

Slightly off topic, but there are obviously some families to whom a "tight budget" means they don't have kids parties, or indeed, refuse to go to other kids parties, as they simply can't afford it.

Also some kids are popular, but their sibling might not be. That will also cause friction in a family if one kids is always going to parties and the other one isn't.

So I would keep that in mind. It kinda turned me of the big party thing for kids.

magicmushroom

That child's Mother is wrong, if I had a child and they left one person out from the whole class I would explain to them that it's not very nice and they must invite everyone.

I feel very sad for your son

Maybe you could tell him - you can't go to the party as I already had a surprise planned for you, we're going to Tayto Park (or somewhere along those lines) because you've been such a good boy lately...and then get him all excited about that, he'd soon forget about the party then.

I wouldn't approach the Mother for an explanation, whatever way you word it will seem confrontational, better just to leave it.

I think that whoever said the child can't expect to be invited to everything is correct, and I think that it's not fair to expect a parent to invite an entire class.

However, if there is just one child not being invited then that's out of line, and if my child wanted to invite everyone in their class bar one I would be sitting them down and explaining why that is not ok.

If I were you OP, I'd leave it, it's possible (and likely) that others were also not invited.

ch750536

We had the same situation. The other kids mum was very apologetic and seemed to have carried it with her for some time. Kids are odd little things and they will ban Timmy from their party because they wouldn't share the green crayon.

I'm more than happy with the ban as it is a life lesson when they become friends with Timmy again next week and they have to explain why they were not invited. ( This is what I did btw 'I don't know why you weren't invited, why don't you ask them?' )

hollster2

Thanks all for your reply's yes I'm going to leave it id never have confronted the mother in not like that j has forgotten about it now got a few treats out shopping its just tough seeing him dissapointed.

eildar

My kids have often come home and said everyone except them were invited to a party. When in fact only boys or only girls or sometimes 5 or 6 had been invited.
Sometimes kids will hear a party being talked about in school and just presume they're invited, maybe because they had been previously. I usually just explain that everybody can't go to every party.