Weddings whilst heavily pregnant

Wholeheartedly

Hey guys,

Looking for some advice please from those who have already had babies or those in the final few weeks. This is my first pregnancy. And we have already been invited to three weddings the month I am due (possibly one more to come!!)

One will be 12 days before my due due, one 2 days before and the another 7 days after my due date. None of them are family weddings, although one is a very close friend. I am so nervous from everything I have heard about the last few weeks of pregnancy, that it's just awfully uncomfortable, heartburn central and waddle ville ;(

Sounds like the last thing I will want to do is go to a wedding, my OH just keeps saying how amazing I will be and how lovely I will look with my big bump. I think he is excited to show off the bump.

One wedding is very small, and I feel bad RSVPing for a seat I don't think I will use.

Thank you in advance!

moving_home

I might not be the best person to reply as I didn't have a great pregnancy (hyperemesis from beginning to end managed with medication) but the last thing I wanted to do was get dressed up and go to a wedding in the last few weeks. Particularly at the overdue stage. Personally I would be definitely saying no to the 7 days over wedding. Which one is the close friend? To be honest I would probably say no to them all. For the last month of my pregnancy I rarely slept at night due to braxton hicks and couldn't enjoy eating due to heartburn and I just wouldn't have been able for a full day at a wedding. Even the getting up early to get ready would have killed me.
Saying that others sailed through their pregnancies and it would be no bothers to them so really every person is different and there is no telling how you will feel.

Dolbert

I wouldn't have been able for a wedding in the last month of pregnancy, no way. I played a gig at 8 months pregnant and found it exhausting, and a wedding is a much longer day than that! Also, the last month is when things like high blood pressure etc are most likely to arise, I had no choice but to take it very easy the last few weeks. No offense to your OH, but he's allowed an opinion when he's the one doing the heavy lifting

Wholeheartedly

That sounds awful. I have had it bad since the start but am 4 months now, and (touch wood) it's starting to ease. Saying that I am just lying after such a bad throwing up!

Thanks for the feedback and I totally understand it's different for each person, but maybe even those with a good pregnancy may still not be in frame of mind for weddings? My auntie said it's a time for resting and being at home!

I am thinking 3 is definitely too many, the one 7 days after is the most important, and my OH is doing all the food for it, originally it was both of us doing it, but I, of course, backed out.

Thanks for the reply!

Wholeheartedly

Dolbert wrote: »

I wouldn't have been able for a wedding in the last month of pregnancy, no way. I played a gig at 8 months pregnant and found it exhausting, and a wedding is a much longer day than that! Also, the last month is when things like high blood pressure etc are most likely to arise, I had no choice but to take it very easy the last few weeks. No offense to your OH, but he's allowed an opinion when he's the one doing the heavy lifting

No offence at all, I am the same. I think his idea of telling me I will be superwoman will do the trick, but it's actually making me more nervous, which I did explain to him. He just kept smiling and saying 'you're brilliant!'

Thanks!

eviltwin

Impossible to say now tbh, you won't know until the time how you feel. You could be knackered and not in the mood for leaving the house or you could feel great and want to go and have a night out before the big day.

I went to a function 2 days before my due date with my last baby, it was grand, I didn't put any pressure on myself to stay all day but ended up staying for most of it - in the end I had to be dragged out of the place

You're not ill, you're pregnant and while the last few months are tiring you shouldn't let anyone tell you not to live your life.

Wholeheartedly

eviltwin wrote: »

You're not ill, you're pregnant and while the last few months are tiring you shouldn't let anyone tell you not to live your life.

I think that's hard to get my head around as so far it's been like the worst illness of my life! But they are good points, thanks!!

kandr10

Was at a few weddings through my pregnancy, one the week before I delivered (though it was a few weeks early). The wedding was fine. I spent more time than normal in the room resting but enjoyed it nonetheless. Had to lie down a lot the next day though I was so wrecked. Can't imagine how tired you'd be with a matter of days to go before due date. I'd say definitely no to the two who aren't your best friend and for now give the best friend a maybe. You could be still pregnant but not in the humour to leave the house, you could have a newborn, or you might welcome the distraction. There's no way for you to know now but I'm sure if it's a close friend she'll understand.

pwurple

I went to a wedding 2 weeks before my due date last pregnancy. I pretty much missed most of it. Went to the ceremony, that was fine. Found the standing around afterwards chatting hard on the hips. Went to the meal, couldn't eat a lot of it (soft cheeses etc). Went for a rest after that. Got up again and was wary of the dance floor as a bunch of guys had their ties around their heads and were throwing themselves around a bit after the drink. So sat at the bar for another hour, and then hit the sack again.

I had the baby before due date, 38+5 I think? I was overdue on first baby, but so uncomfortable/miserable I would have been a bag of cats at any wedding.

Only one I'd consider in your case would be 12 days before date, but even that one you might end up missing. If it was me, I'd probably decline because I wouldn't want to cost the couple money if I couldn't attend in the end.

eviltwin

Wholeheartedly wrote: »

I think that's hard to get my head around as so far it's been like the worst illness of my life! But they are good points, thanks!!

Well thinking about it you could be very ill during your pregnancy if you are unlucky! Its hard to know but you'll have people telling you that even on a good pregnancy you should be at home resting. There is no need for that unless you really want to.

Wholeheartedly

pwurple wrote: »

If it was me, I'd probably decline because I wouldn't want to cost the couple money if I couldn't attend in the end.

That's what is on my mind! One of them is 95 Euro a head (yikes) Although if my OH is still going we could cover that in the card I suppose, hadn't thought of that until right now.

The idea of possibly having a newborn for any or all of them is a whole other question. You always hear you will go over on your first but not always the case!

Thanks for the advice.

ariana`

I would probably decide on the day and if i felt up to it i'd go along to the Church part for any of the weddings of people that are very very close to me and don't require travelling, but i would decline the reception. One of my friends came to just the church for my wedding and it was so lovely and such a surprise to see her there all dressed up, it meant a lot to me that she went to the effort when she wasn't even going to what is generally thought the more fun part of a wedding.

I've had 2 great pregnancies and this one is going grand too, but really those last 2 weeks you don't feel up to a lot.

And 7 days after i would definitely decline, you'd need at least 2 wks to recover and the chances of baby coming a week early are probably slim.

Sittingpretty

Entirely personal choice but I'm currently nearly 38 weeks pregnant and last thing I would want is attending 3 weddings this month.

Feel too heavy, too tired and too disinterested for psyching myself up for a long day's celebration!

Everyone is different though and you might feel like going come the time esp if it's your first baby and you don't have other children to organise and plan for.

Moonbeam

I was at one 9 days before one of my babies was born and got married myself when #3 was 4 weeks old.
I enjoyed both,I went to bed early (around midnight) at the wedding that we went to but really enjoyed it.

RentDayBlues

On my first baby I was invited to a wedding on my due date, I was all for going. My partner and consultant didn't feel the same so we rsvp'd no. It worked out for the best as baby was early and was over 2 weeks by my due date. I didn't enjoy pregnancy so maybe not the best to ask but I hated the last few weeks, so big an uncomfortable and no way in the mood for a wedding! Was at a wedding when I was 28 weeks and really enjoyed that one, could dance and eat lots! Also, on that point, by the end of both pregnancies I couldn't eat with the horrendous heartburn and couldn't sleep due to insomnia, was getting on average 2 hours per night

tinkerbell

God no!! RSVP no to them all. And your OH doesn't get a say, like Dolbert said! The last thing I would've felt like at 9 months pregnant is going to a wedding, there's just no way.

And your OH is doing all the food for one of them? :eek: That's prob not the best idea lol. What if you go into labour the day before the wedding? The last thing your OH will wanna do then is have to ditch you in hospital while you are either in labour (and need him for support) or when baby has arrived (and he'll want to stay with you both!!) just to go prepare food for some wedding (and I know it's not any ol wedding but you'll really resent that wedding if baby decides to arrive in that timeframe) because it'll rob ye of those first precious moments.

Neyite

I went to one I couldn't get out of at 39 weeks, but I'd an easy pregnancy. Even then, there was an understanding with the B&G that we may not be there, depending on when I went into labour.

After the meal, I went upstairs and had a nap, came back down for the dancing (though didn't dance much) Partner didn't drink in case he needed to bring me to a hospital. Went to bed at 2am. I wouldn't go to one post natal. And not if your partner is actually working the wedding.

Why not RSVP for just him and then go yourself to the afters? Then, if it transpires the month or so before the wedding that you feel grand, the B&G are might have cancellations that they might be able to squeeze you into the seating plan.

kandr10

tinkerbell wrote: »

God no!! RSVP no to them all. And your OH doesn't get a say, like Dolbert said! The last thing I would've felt like at 9 months pregnant is going to a wedding, there's just no way.

And your OH is doing all the food for one of them? :eek: That's prob not the best idea lol. What if you go into labour the day before the wedding? The last thing your OH will wanna do then is have to ditch you in hospital while you are either in labour (and need him for support) or when baby has arrived (and he'll want to stay with you both!!) just to go prepare food for some wedding (and I know it's not any ol wedding but you'll really resent that wedding if baby decides to arrive in that timeframe) because it'll rob ye of those first precious moments.

I was thinking this too. It's a big undertaking. Could you find out from your close friend what's the latest time for them to be able to finalise numbers with their hotel so that they don't incur extra costs of no shows? For us it was the day before so there was a good bit if wiggle room.

spottybananas

A friend of mine went to a wedding 10 days before her due date, she had a ridiculously easy pregnancy and other than a bump basically had no symptoms, tiredness, nothing. They told the couple they would do their best to come but would let them know for definite the day before the wedding and that was fine with the couple.

As an aside about numbers for the wedding, we had 3 cancellations the day before ours due to a death, and 2 no shows on the day, we were 2 under the minimum numbers and didn't have to pay for them. Some venues are more flexible on these things than others.

mirrorwall14

spottybananas wrote: »

A friend of mine went to a wedding 10 days before her due date, she had a ridiculously easy pregnancy and other than a bump basically had no symptoms, tiredness, nothing. They told the couple they would do their best to come but would let them know for definite the day before the wedding and that was fine with the couple.

As an aside about numbers for the wedding, we had 3 cancellations the day before ours due to a death, and 2 no shows on the day, we were 2 under the minimum numbers and didn't have to pay for them. Some venues are more flexible on these things than others.

No way I could have done it. The last month my BP went up and I was in hospital three days a week for checks and hospitalised twice. They induced at 39+6. It is dependent on you and your oregnancy but definitely couldn't have done it personally

smeal

RSVP as attending and see how you feel at the time Maybe just go to the meal and slip off home early? I can't imagine anybody is going to expect you to the be the last one standing on the dancefloor or anything! Weddings are exhausting at the best of times never mind while pregnant! If they are in any way reasonable they will understand:)

Roesy

I would have been fine to go to a wedding up to my due date and after. I went 10 days over though and bar being a bit slower moving around and a bit more tired, I felt fine I probably would have declined anything after the date for fear of going into labour at the wedding I probably would just talk to the bride and groom and maybe just show my face at the church if you were worried about the long day or if it was any bit of a distance away I'd probably decline. You really won't be able to tell until you hit the 30 something weeks and have a clearer idea of how you feel then! Obviously you'd hate the idea of the bride and groom being out of pocket if you were feeling rotten for the last few weeks.

xalot

I went to a wedding at 39 weeks pregnant and I found it ok. It was a very good friend's wedding and I felt I had to go, we stayed in the hotel and I went to bed after the meal. It was actually very relaxing, I had a bath and got to chill in a bathrobe, eat chocolates and watch TV.

I had my pregnancy bag in the car ready to go and my husband didn't drink too much in case things started to happen!

Wholeheartedly

tinkerbell wrote: »

God no!! RSVP no to them all. And your OH doesn't get a say, like Dolbert said! The last thing I would've felt like at 9 months pregnant is going to a wedding, there's just no way.

And your OH is doing all the food for one of them? :eek: That's prob not the best idea lol. What if you go into labour the day before the wedding? The last thing your OH will wanna do then is have to ditch you in hospital while you are either in labour (and need him for support) or when baby has arrived (and he'll want to stay with you both!!) just to go prepare food for some wedding (and I know it's not any ol wedding but you'll really resent that wedding if baby decides to arrive in that timeframe) because it'll rob ye of those first precious moments.

Thanks to all for the feedback. It is mostly confirming my suspicions! As some have suggested I think I will talk to the couples in question. I think the added pressure of trying to feel up to multiple weddings, will be an unnecessary worry. And as said, perhaps I will be feeling on top of the world and in that case I will try sneak in, bump and all.


As for the other element, I have been over and over it with my OH. I just pointed out, that having a baby and getting married are two of the most important events in someones life. To put himself in the situation of having to choose between me or the wedding, clearly it will be us but can't let down our friend either. He has just said he is going to find someone to help, look after most of the cooking on the day, etc. But I think in his head he is still the main man on the day. With me and new baby there too. Bless his innocent mind. Ekkkkkk.

I have been too sick to fight the point, but will soon. If I still fail, I will talk to the groom who is our friend and our old business partner.

Thanks again everyone!

Typer Monkey

I went to five weddings while pregnant. To be honest they were all trying! At the last one was 34 weeks and it was tough going. I was hot, tired, uncomfortable, conscious of getting through crowds with the bump etc and finding something to wear was a pain.

I'd caution too about planning anything for immediately after the birth. You may have a section or stitches with a vaginal birth, be on pain killers, possibly leaking from the boobs and bleeding quite a lot. I can't imagine getting dressed up for a day at a wedding would ever be something I'd want to do.

People will understand.

Marz66

I had a dream pregnancy but found I needed all my energy for work and then crashed and caught up on sleep at the weekends. I could have gone to 1 wedding though but not 3.

I would RSVP no and if I felt fine in the few days before, I would go to either church or afters (not really costing couple anything) or the whole day if I felt up to it.

It's so true though that you won't know til nearer the time. I was at a function at 38 weeks pg. The next day my waters broke - could easily have happened the day of the function.

Moonbeam

I was extremely sick on 3 of my pregnancies so it would have made no difference if I was 16 weeks pregnant or 36 weeks. I would not have been a fan of travelling too far or being far from a hospital though.

Penny Dreadful

Wholeheartedly wrote: »

Hey guys,

Looking for some advice please from those who have already had babies or those in the final few weeks. This is my first pregnancy. And we have already been invited to three weddings the month I am due (possibly one more to come!!)

One will be 12 days before my due due, one 2 days before and the another 7 days after my due date. None of them are family weddings, although one is a very close friend. I am so nervous from everything I have heard about the last few weeks of pregnancy, that it's just awfully uncomfortable, heartburn central and waddle ville ;(

Sounds like the last thing I will want to do is go to a wedding, my OH just keeps saying how amazing I will be and how lovely I will look with my big bump. I think he is excited to show off the bump.

One wedding is very small, and I feel bad RSVPing for a seat I don't think I will use.

Thank you in advance!

I couldn't have felt less like going to a wedding when I was heavily pregnant. I just wouldn't have gone or certainly not to the whole day. As it turned out my baby came almost 4 weeks early ;-)

Wholeheartedly

Thanks again to all who advised and suggested. Feel more confident about not being over the moon excited at the idea of weddings in the last few days/weeks of pregnancy! Or possibly the very first days of our newborn!

Roesy

Whatever about heavily pregnant, there isn't a hope I'd have gone with a newborn or just after giving birth. You'll have hormones, milk coming in and post partum bleeding to contend with.

Drdoc

As Roesy said above, there wouldn't have been a hope of me going postpartum. It's a mission to even get to the shops in those first few weeks!
I had a good pregnancy and didn't really have any discomfort at the end other than a tired back. Enjoyed my big dinners til the end and had no pressure or anything down below. But even with that 1 wedding would've been the max Id have been up for.
Also are the weddings near you? I'd have been very dubious about travelling any great distance from the hospital/home!

spottybananas

I've a wedding at 36 weeks 3.5 hours from home, I'm just assuming I'll be fine :pac:

seventeen sheep

I gave birth around a week after due date, I was flying around the place for the third trimester, loads of energy, no heaviness or pressure down there, no hip or back pain at all. I'd have happily gone to a few weddings even in my last week of pregnancy! And bumps look lovely in fancy dresses.

But as above, every pregnancy is different. (For me, the first two trimesters were terrible - I didn't get off all that lightly!)

In your position, I would decline the two not-so-important ones. For your close friend, tell her you'll do your best to make it but - obviously - it'll just depend on how you're feeling on the day. Maybe line up a mutual friend to go with your husband as his guest if you're not up to it? And of course she'll be aware that neither you nor your husband will make it if things kick off around that time!

If I were the bride, I know I'd rather pay x amount for an empty seat on the day, than have a close friend refuse the invite just in case she'd end up wasting my money if she couldn't come in the end. I'd far rather she accepted the invite and decided on the day - and if she wasn't up to it, I'd be on no way put out at all!

Immy

I went to wedding at 37 weeks. I was fine but very tired after. We rsvp but the couple were very aware it was close to due date and anything could happen.

I wore a maxi dress and by evening it was a midi dress I swelled up that much during the day.

ncmc

Do you want to go? If you don't then just rsvp a decline, however if you would like to go, have a word with the couple and say you will hopefully go but will let them know for definite the week before or whenever their final numbers are due. Don't feel guilty if you decide to decline. I'm sure they will understand.

I went to my SIL wedding two days before my due date. Had a great time, but then I had a ridiculously easy pregnancy. Wore a lovely dress and high heels, danced the night away and jumped up and down to House of Pain trying to shake the baby out

If you do decide to go, I'd wear a long dress as your ankles and feet may well be swollen. Take a flat pair of shoes and don't be afraid to rest in the room.

Sligo1

As ncmc said, if you are having an uncomplicated pregnancy and you want to go, go. If you are exhausted, bloated, sick or just simply don't want to go, dont.

I went to a wedding on my second when I was 38 weeks pregnant 2.5 hours from home. I had gone a week early on my first. Didn't end up going till a week late on number 2. My consultant checked me out and said she didn't "think" anything was going to happen in the next couple days so just to go if I wanted. But just not to do too much dancing .

We went to the hotel, didn't go to the Ceremony. Just chilled out and went in around 4. Had the dinner and stayed until around 12ish. Was grand. Only bit I didn't like was knowing I couldn't get tipsy with everybody else.

Went to a wedding 1 month post birth. Again not for the whole day. Just turned up for the dinner and afters as I was breastfeeding. OH went for the whole day. I wouldn't have gone if it was less than a month after I don't think. Ud be wrecked.

Wholeheartedly

Sligo1 wrote: »

As ncmc said, if you are having an uncomplicated pregnancy and you want to go, go. If you are exhausted, bloated, sick or just simply don't want to go, don't.

I agree it's as simple as that on the day, and that's how I will approach anything else in July! Four very important birthdays that month too. It was more should I RSVP yes or no. I thought it was more of a big deal to say yes and not turn up on the day, but a few posters have said it's not that big a deal, which is helpful to know. I have lightly mentioned it to one of the couples and also my mother in law (as she will be at one of the other weddings) and each time, they were like 'oh don't be silly, of course you will be there!' so I was starting to think that I was worried for nothing, but by the sounds of it the majority here agree they wouldn't have been up to or in the mood for weddings in the week or after D-day!

I think I will RSVP with a hopefully yes to all but one, as it's a long way away and not too important for me, OH will go with his family anyways, as it's a childhood friend.

Thanks for the views and advice!

Sligo1

I would also say if you rsvp yes, also ring the bride/groom and explain that although you are pretty sure you will be there that as you will be heavily pregnant, there is always a chance you may have to possibly decline closer to the time. But hopefully u will be there with bells on. That's what I said as my safety or get out clause. Seriously, no couple is going to mind if you decline closer to the time considering you will be heavily pregant. The vast majority of people would understand.

P.s. Not a hope would I have been able for 3 full day wedding whilst heavily pregnant. So just take it as it comes.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Wholeheartedly

Sligo1 wrote: »

I would also say if you rsvp yes, also ring the bride/groom and explain that although you are pretty sure you will be there that as you will be heavily pregnant, there is always a chance you may have to possibly decline closer to the time. But hopefully u will be there with bells on. That's what I said as my safety or get out clause. Seriously, no couple is going to mind if you decline closer to the time considering you will be heavily pregant. The vast majority of people would understand.

P.s. Not a hope would I have been able for 3 full day wedding whilst heavily pregnant. So just take it as it comes.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Good advice. I like the idea of a "get out clause"

To be honest 3 weddings in one month, even not pregnant, is a lot

Hopefully I will reap the rewards of a disastrous awful first four months with a good second half. Keeping positive!!

Thank you!

Ihatecuddles

I was my sisters bridesmaid when my son was 10 days old. No issues, apart from looking after a newborn who just slept 90% of the time! It was great

Don't think I could have handled the wedding as well if it was the last month of pregnancy, I just felt like a whale and thought I was hideous!! I have a wedding to go to when I'm 15 weeks, I'm not even looking forward to that

Wholeheartedly

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I was my sisters bridesmaid when my son was 10 days old. No issues, apart from looking after a newborn who just slept 90% of the time! It was great

I am so impressed at the idea of someone being bridesmaid TEN days after giving birth!! Amazing. We are definitely the stronger sex. My OH is moany for about 4 weeks with a cough and stuffy nose!

Ginny

I went to one at 36 weeks and I was exhausted and left at 10pm. There's not a hope I'd go to a wedding either 2 weeks of due date/ day I have the baby.
I'd really urge you to at least rsvp to the one after your due date, you'll either be overdue or have a newborn. Plus rmember your milk if bfing or not will come in 3/4/5 days after having the baby. I think it'd be really unfair on yourself to put you under any pressure to attend any of them, people tend to forget how physically hard giving birth is. You need time to relax and recover. I'm 26 weeks now and tbh if I was invited to any weddings between now and the baby being at least 2 months I'd be saying no, I know a wedding is extremely important, but unless it's family or very very close friends I wouldn't be putting myself under pressure to go.