To go or not to go?

sibh1

Not sure if this is the right place to post but looking for some advice.

Married two years and have a six month old baby. I had been in a great job here in Ireland for the past five years - one that was well beyond my years and I was very lucky to get. Went on maternity leave last year and had pretty much decided before I left that I was ready to move on. Unsure of what to do out of the blue in January I got a call about a dream job here - more money, an opportunity that would open a lot of doors and again something I was asked to do on a recommendation and not something I would have thought I was qualified for. It means living away from my husband during the week and actually moving home to my home county with baby and coming back to our home on weekends - we are renting but in the town where my husband works.

So accepted the job and am due to start in two weeks time. Husband comes home last week and said his company want to move him to Puerto Rico. They would cover our flights over, pay for our rent there for two years, pay for a flight home once a year, sort out our visas, give a relocation bursary and ship all our things over. Also would give husband a considerable pay increase - about 40k. So we reckon with them covering our rent that we may have more money at the end of the month over there than here with both of us working.

Ideally it sounds amazing but in a selfish way I'm worried about my career. I know it's better to explain now that I can't take the new role and I'm sure they will understand but if I'm out of work for another two years and then come home I might find it difficult to get work in Ireland. It would maybe mean going back to entry level and dropping 20k in my salary. It also means putting off having another baby for that period as I was very sick on last pregnancy with complications and would need lots of care so I wouldn't do that away from family to help out. Also, I lost my mum six months ago and I'm worried about leaving my dad. He has lots of family around but he was looking forward to having me and baby closer to home. I know the fact that I wouldn't be working over there I could come home for a month twice a year so I know it's not too bad.

Basically would you give up your career and go?

SterlingArcher

<no need to quote the entire OP>

Are yous happy here?

What does your husband think about it?

What are his options if you stay?

sibh1

SterlingArcher wrote: »

Are yous happy here?

What does your husband think about it?

What are his options if you stay?

Husband would be happy to stay in his job but admitted that he was dreading being away from me and baby during the week and was going along with it for me. Feel like I should do the same for him. He would probably still get this promotion here in Ireland but it could take five years. He wants to go for the career opportunity and to live somewhere else. We never travelled after university as we stayed here and worked to get our jobs as things were going bad here.

P. Breathnach

How would it affect your husband's career position if he declined the offer?

I see some parallels between your career challenge and his: accepting either opportunity involves a cost to your family life.

It looks like it is time for you to sit down and have a broad discussion about your work/life balance.

Edit: reply composed before your latest post!

sibh1

P. Breathnach wrote: »

How would it affect your husband's career position if he declined the offer?

I see some parallels between your career challenge and his: accepting either opportunity involves a cost to your family life.

It looks like it is time for you to sit down and have a broad discussion about your work/life balance.

Edit: reply composed before your latest post!

Thanks for reply. No, I don't think it would effect his career if he declined. His boss understands that he is married, I've just taken a new role and that we have a small baby.

If we go it would probably be better for our family in the long run. I would be able to stay home with our son as otherwise he would have to go into childcare. We would be near a beach, a pool in our garden and nice weather all year round. It would also give him an opportunity to learn Spanish - we would be living in an expat community but from our research a lot of the kids go to Spanish classes as soon as they start to speak for the culture and experience.

I guess it's just really my career that may suffer - id hate to think that I would damage my reputation by now saying I couldn't take this job but then I know no one is indispensable. I should also probably add that this role isn't permanent - it's to do with politics and the general election proposed for next year so if the minister in question wasn't re elected I would be out of a job.

ABajaninCork

No reason for your career to suffer, OP. Living and working in Puerto Rico could be an amazing experience and it'll look good on your CV. I think the experience will make you more rounded as a person. And it'll be fun learning a new language!!

In any case, as PR is a US dependency, English is widely spoken and is an official language. A couple of my relatives have worked there, no problems at all.

You should try for a role there too! Too good an opportunity to pass up...

iusedtoknow

This sounds like us 3 years ago. We were in the midst of the financial meltdown in Spain, and my company offer made me an offer to get out and move to the states. It was a fully loaded offer like your husbands - except for the rent. They paid for everything, ended up getting a pay rise equivalent to 200% (based off Spanish wages). The downside was...my wife had just finished her medical training in Spain and was starting on her career track. However, due to cutbacks in the Spanish healthcare system her position was tenuous at best. After a lot of thought, and two visits to San Francisco to check out colleges and hospitals...we took the plunge - even though it set my wife's career back by needing to complete her residency once again - it was worth it.

I don't know what career you are in, however most employers actually look favorably on international experience - if you used the time wisely, you could get pretty fluent in Spanish (even though English is widely used in PR). The other aspect is that if you are entering on the L2 visa, you will be able to work as well.

But it also sounds like you and your husband have your head screwed on and he sounds really understanding of your career needs which is great as well...and either way it isn't doom and gloom - for two of you to have such great opportunities is a testament to your work ethic and skills. Either way good luck in making what is going to be a tough call for both of you

sibh1

iusedtoknow wrote: »

This sounds like us 3 years ago. We were in the midst of the financial meltdown in Spain, and my company offer made me an offer to get out and move to the states. It was a fully loaded offer like your husbands - except for the rent. They paid for everything, ended up getting a pay rise equivalent to 200% (based off Spanish wages). The downside was...my wife had just finished her medical training in Spain and was starting on her career track. However, due to cutbacks in the Spanish healthcare system her position was tenuous at best. After a lot of thought, and two visits to San Francisco to check out colleges and hospitals...we took the plunge - even though it set my wife's career back by needing to complete her residency once again - it was worth it.

I don't know what career you are in, however most employers actually look favorably on international experience - if you used the time wisely, you could get pretty fluent in Spanish (even though English is widely used in PR). The other aspect is that if you are entering on the L2 visa, you will be able to work as well.

But it also sounds like you and your husband have your head screwed on and he sounds really understanding of your career needs which is great as well...and either way it isn't doom and gloom - for two of you to have such great opportunities is a testament to your work ethic and skills. Either way good luck in making what is going to be a tough call for both of you

Thank you - it's funny actually. I lived in Italy as a 21year old student and totally I didn't take advantage of it. I should emerged myself in the culture and learnt Italian but I didn't so I would love to learn Spanish.

I guess we will have to hold tight for a few days and see what the written contract says and the perks etc and then if the money justifies me giving up my job then we go. I know I'll never regret staying at home with our son and looking after him instead of leaving him in childcare. It's just hard to give up a good career opportunity. I work in marketing and PR and have always worked in mainstream fields so it was nice to diversify to politics and do something new. It I wasn't offered this role I was planning on doing a masters to further my qualifications so I will look into doing that in Peurto Rico and maybe working there if things were good and there was a multinational hiring that would justify putting my son into childcare.

IlmoNT4

Going to Puerto Rico, where you wouldnt have to put your child into child care...you could be there for those first years, a new experience for the family over a job that would take you away from your husband and were you would have to travel every weekend..

You'll get another job.... I'd be packing my bags for Puerto Rico

pwurple

And on the other side of the fence... Uprooted, dumped into a country where you won't know the system, won't have any supports in place. What happens if/when the baby gets sick? Who do you call? What's teh public healthcare like, will the baby get developmental checks etc?

Your husband might feel obliged to work all sorts of hours as he is getting the family moved, and you could be extremely lonely on your own with an infant unless there is another group of ex-pats with children there. It's not like you can go out at night and meet new friends with a baby in tow. Your family and friends will be thousands of miles away.

Plus, why should your career get stalled? Elections are a great opportunity to learn and get experience. That may not come around again, ever. Your potential to grow in earnings may far outweigh his short-term puerto rico gig.


That's just devil's advocate tbh. I'm sure you'd manage either, but don't disregard that if you go for it, it will be tough to get settled.

sibh1

pwurple wrote: »

And on the other side of the fence... Uprooted, dumped into a country where you won't know the system, won't have any supports in place. What happens if/when the baby gets sick? Who do you call? What's teh public healthcare like, will the baby get developmental checks etc?

Your husband might feel obliged to work all sorts of hours as he is getting the family moved, and you could be extremely lonely on your own with an infant unless there is another group of ex-pats with children there. It's not like you can go out at night and meet new friends with a baby in tow. Your family and friends will be thousands of miles away.

Plus, why should your career get stalled? Elections are a great opportunity to learn and get experience. That may not come around again, ever. Your potential to grow in earnings may far outweigh his short-term puerto rico gig.


That's just devil's advocate tbh. I'm sure you'd manage either, but don't disregard that if you go for it, it will be tough to get settled.

Ya you're right. I've thought about those things. To be fair, my husband would never just dump me somewhere. He works 12 hour days here in Ireland so to be fair he will probably be working the same there. At the moment - for the past six months we have been living in a town where he works where I have no family or friends. No one to call in and help with baby or for a chat. I know that a three hour drive to my family is currently completely different to a day on a plane. If we could have afforded it and I wasn't offered the new job I would have been going back to college and staying at home with the baby for this year anyway.

I guess I haven't been too concerned as we will be living in an expat community if we go in a country that is very americanised so standards are quite high from those that we have spoken to. Our own health care system isn't great here recently. Please god I'll never need to use it but I'll def research it more so I know what to do in case of an emergency.

Great to hear the other side too so thanks for that.