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Long distance and stuck in a rut

  • 03-02-2015 6:58pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm a 36 year old female in a long term (4 year) relationship with a 26 year old man. We live at opposite ends of the country due to work and only see each other at weekends. This is where I am stuck. I'm of an age where, you know things may need to happen sort of soon, but nothing is happening. There's no sign of him moving to this end of the country (My job is more inflexible than his hence I cant leave). We've never lived together. We have discussed marriage and kids, mortgages etc which was always "some day"....but I feel like I am always living for "some day" and everyone around me is moving on with their own lives. Our age difference was never an issue and now it really seems to be. How can I make him understand that without putting pressure on him, as every other aspect is great, except for this one (big) thing?? I dont need the ring, the kids, the house right now or anything, but I'd like a sign that this is something that isnt still another 4 years away. I've asked and the response I've gotten is that he isnt in a position to leave his job and move up to this part of the country yet.

    TLDR: Long term, long distance relationship. Age not on my side. Want to move things along.


Comments

  • #2
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    I think it just boils down to age and he is not in the same place that you are now, I don't mean literally. He is not worried about the things that you are worried about because he is younger.

    The things that you want for your life are probably becoming more and more important to you as you are getting older. Just think back to when you were 26, you were completely different im sure.

    You might have to end the relationship if you want to move forward in the direction that you want your life to go.


  • #3
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,602 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    To be honest OP your post comes across as being a bit selfish. You want your partner to uproot his entire life, leave his job, possibly friends and family to move to the other end of the country to be with you. You briefly mention that you can't move as your job is more inflexible than his. Have you considered moving to your partner?


  • #4
    rcarroll
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 173 ✭✭rcarroll


    He sounds like he's not ready for the things you want. You have two options, wait and see if he'll be more ready in the future, and possibly he won't or will realise he doesn't want the same things, or leave now, and try with someone new. I'm so sorry you're going through this - I had the same experience a while back as I was dating someone younger, though the age difference was only two years. I pushed the issue as I felt I needed to know one way or the other and in the end, he said he wasn't ready and didn't know when he would be...I made the decision to leave. I don't know if it was right or not, but I feel it was....I'm hoping that my partner wants the same things as me, as much as me...and I'm hoping to find it.


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