should i call?

chaz44

hey I had been seeing a woman for the last ten months and ended it with her last week.ive been confused about some stuff at work as I have been offered 3 different jobs last week and its been stressing me out.she had some issues of her own that she never fully told me about too.when i ended it she said it wasn't what she wanted but then texted me a few days later to say she knew it wasn't working either but was really just trying to give it ago with me and that there was no hard feelings towards me.i saw her out then and we just gave each other a friendly wave.my question is i think i regret it and want to talk to her but should i just leave her alone?

Merkin

Leave her alone. You can't just dump someone and then expect them to get back with you. When you break up with someone you care about there's always a bit of regret and sadness, don't confuse that with anything else. She said herself she knew it wasn't working and it clearly wasn't for either of you so no point in going back over it all a second time when it clearly isn't going to work. If the relationship was really important to you then you wouldn't have dumped her over work issues so I'd just leave it if I were you.

missjm

I agree with the above poster. Leave her alone and don't start playing games with her.

Out of curiosity, is the only reason you want to contact her because she appears to be dealing so well with it? If she had sent you a text saying she was devastated etc and hadn't waved to you when out, would you still be feeling the same?

tinz18

I would say leave her alone OP until you're 100% sure you regret it or it's just that you miss having someone ("I think I regret" does not sound at all certain). It's not fair on her to drop her when you got stressed and then a week later change your mind and expect her to jump back on the bandwagon. Bear in mind your relationship wouldn't be the same and a certain element of trust would be gone.

I was on the receiving end of this, I was dumped and I took him back when he called a few days later. However he was afraid of singledom rather than wanted to be with me. He acted like nothing had happened and expected me to act accordingly and as soon as he got stressed again I received the exact same treatment which to be honest really screwed with my trust in people.

OP allow the dust to settle and the stress to fully subside to decide what you want and bear in mind what's best for her too. Personally I wouldn't be able to trust you a guy who's kneejerk reaction was to dump me when stressed/confused but I have friends who'd take them back in a heartbeat so depends on the girl in question.

chaz44

we were getting close but the last few weeks have been strained.im in college too on top of work and i don't have a lot of time.we just never talked anything through.she said when i ended it that she didn't want to talk to me anymore that's why the text has thrown me and her reaction?im turning 30 next week too and i just don't know where im going in life and told her all that...

tinz18

Op it sounds like at the moment you have a lot of soul-searching to do and a relationship should be the last thing you pursue. If you don't have the time with college and work and you don't know where you're going in life, then you need to figure that out by yourself and not drag another person (and another thing to eat into your free time) into the equation. Just because you told her you're feeling directionless doesn't mean she's up to the challenge of helping you find one. Congratulations on being offered the jobs by the way, I hope that gets sorted!

In my opinion, plenty of relationships can be strained for weeks and even months, but if the relationship is strong enough (even if it's under a year) it can generally weather the storm. The fact that it bowed under the pressure should tell you that its probably not meant to be.

As for the text she could be trying to save face or she could be a genuinely nice person who wants you to know she doesn't hate you for breaking up with her and understands why you did it. Don't read much into it, most people say what they mean.

chaz44

she is a really nice person absolutely stunning aswell.shes been a lady about everything.i did see her in my future i asked her to meet my closest friends lately and everything.im just so confused about everything.would it be fair to text her even just to see how she is or should i wait a few weeks?did i lead her on?

tinz18

Wait a few weeks. Things are too fresh at the moment plus I would be a big fan of no contact at all- let her move on with her life. As for the leading on no I don't think so, you just brought someone into your life at an inopportune moment and she ended up getting the brunt of it. It would be leading on if you continued to contact her, get back together and then break up with her again once your life gets a tiny bit too stressful.

Big Bag of Chips

It's not clear from your posts, but what exactly would your motivation behind contacting her be? Do you want to get back with her? Look we all make mistakes, and if you think you made a mistake finishing with her and would like to make a better effort of it this time then you have nothing to lose by contacting her.

But... If nothing has changed (and it's only been a week, so I doubt there's been huge changes in your life in that time) then do you really think this time things would be different? Would you be less stressed? Have more time? Would you be in a position to make more of an effort in the relationship?

Or do you just want to hold on to her as a friend but not necessarily a girlfriend? It sounds like there's no hard feelings from either side, do there's every chance you two cam remain friends. But give it slightly longer than a week! At this stage it's too confusing to you as to what you really want from her.

"If it's meant to be.... Etc etc"!

chaz44

i have no idea.i just wasn't sure if were compatable and told her that and she said ud know if we compatable after a few months not 10 which is how long me were seeing each other.i know i cant expect her to wait for me it would just be nice to talk to her.no?

Big Bag of Chips

But you need to know why you're contacting her. To be friends? Or to get back with her? You need to know because she needs to know. It wouldn't be fair to string her along letting her think you might get back together if you just want to be friends. Or it's not fair to her to think you are just friends if you're trying to get back with her.

There's no problem being in contact, so long as you both know where you stand. But you're not sure of where you stand! So maybe leave it a while until you are sure of what you want... Either friendship or a relationship.

chaz44

I'm just amazed at how over it she seems to be.

So you want to call her to poke at her and make her miserable?
Leave her alone, op

Big Bag of Chips

But you still haven't answered why you want to contact her?

Do you want to get back with her?
Or do you just want to ask her why she isn't devastated?

You both seemed to end on fairly amicable terms. It is unlikely if you were sort of lukewarm with her, that she was head over heels besotted with you. If she wasn't getting much back from you, she wouldn't have been giving a whole lot either. So the break up probably didn't come as a huge surprise to her, and after thinking about it she probably realised it was for the best.

This one didn't work out. Just leave it at that.

chaz44

I'm going to leave her alone.I found out after last night she's gone on internet dating so she couldn't have been to bothered,?

skallywag

chaz44 wrote: »

I'm just amazed at how over it she seems to be.

I would not read too much into that.

Big Bag of Chips

Why does that bother you, though? You weren't too bothered. You finished it with her!! I know your ego has been bruised a little, but can you not see how silly your reaction to her reaction of you breaking it off with her is?!!

Would you prefer that you really hurt her, and she was very upset and not able to see you out, or go out with her friends incase she might bump into you? Would you feel better if you thought that you really hurt her?

Meauldsegosha

chaz44 wrote: »

I'm going to leave her alone.I found out after last night she's gone on internet dating so she couldn't have been to bothered,?

You broke up with her rather impulsively because you were having a stressful week. So clearly you weren't that bothered either. Your ego is a bit bruised but take responsibilities for your actions and don't try to be the victim here.

Typer Monkey

chaz44 wrote: »

I'm going to leave her alone.I found out after last night she's gone on internet dating so she couldn't have been to bothered,?

Good for her! She was broken up with and has dusted herself down and is moving on. Fair play to her I say. Would you prefer sack cloth and ashes? A period of mourning for you while dressed in black? Get over yourself OP

RossFixxxed

You can't judge how someone is doing from the outside like that. Her ego probably took a hammering after this, yet somehow you're trying to make yourself out to be the victim? Nope, don't call. Take a look at this situation, and use the mistakes going forward.

Seriously, don't call.

tinz18

chaz44 wrote: »

I'm going to leave her alone.I found out after last night she's gone on internet dating so she couldn't have been to bothered,?

Op, I thought maybe, just maybe, you genuinely thought you had made a mistake but the more you post, it sounds more and more like you just want her to be pining over you and chasing you to get back together. The fact that she hasn't seems to have bruised your ego. I'm glad you opted to leave her alone, as it seems you're more interested in her pining over you than her welfare.

Move on, work on yourself and learn from this. By the sounds of it if you were only considering introducing her to your friends after ten months you had very little invested in the relationship in the first place.

chaz44

no I had plenty invested.she kept pulling away from me.

tinz18

chaz44 wrote: »

no I had plenty invested.she kept pulling away from me.

Okay then definitely learn from this. If it was such an effort to keep her put and get her to meet your friends etc then she probably wasn't looking for a serious relationship or she wasn't ready for a serious relationship with you.

chaz44

Ok I'm going to leave her alone

Big Bag of Chips

And on that note, and to save you coming back replying repeating yourself we will close the thread.