Inheritance issue (sort of)

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Im a regular poster on here but I'm going under a different name as a few of my friends know my account name.
Not sure If I hvae the right place to write this but was hoping for a few opinions.

Basically I'm 30 years old and renting for the last 8 years and I've now been in a steady permanent job for a couple of years and I would like to set down roots and buy a house. I have some money saved but not enough to include deposit, solicitors fees etc etc.
My Dad once said that If i wanted to buy a house he would help me out but that was about 6 years ago and has never offered since even though I have dropped several hints.

My older sister got married a couple of years ago and Dad gave them a site which he originally had offers on @ 75,000. No questions asked, signed over no problem and I know (just from what my mother has said) that he gave money to my other sister when she got her house.

My question is would It be reasonable for me to ask them for help for a house of my own? My dad has always held the purse strings in my house and can be quite a stern man. He does not disuss money in any way shape or form even with my mother. In ways I'm quite uneasy about asking him for help.

I suppose Im asking whats the best way to approach the situation.
Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Dutchess

I would not call this an inheritance issue if your parents are still alive, but that's just me.

Not sure if you are male or female. I was just thinking he may be more inclined to hand over money to his daughters than his son, son might find it embarrassing or something?
Do you know if your sisters openly asked for help? Because maybe he offered them help years before, and when their time came, they reminded him of this. It could be an idea to ask one or both of them how it went.

I would just sit him down (maybe bring him for a pint/tea/something) and say you have been considering buying a house and that this brought you back to what he offered 6 years ago and that if the offer still stands, you would really appreciate it if you could take him up on that.

Tokyo

Is there any chance that your dad might be a little traditional in terms of these things? It's may not be as obvious to your dad that you want to build and settle down than it was in your sister's case - she got married, and in your dad's eyes he probably saw it as how it's always done - the start of the big family package, wedding, house, kids, settling down the road from him in perpetuity. It's hard to tell from your post, but it sounds like you just want to get out of the rental game and have a place of your own, not part of getting married etc, and this may not be obvious to your dad's way of thinking?

As mentioned above, you should sit down with him and tell him what your plans are, rather than dropping hints. Let him know that you want to get out of the rental market and build a place of your own, and if the offer still stands about helping you out with that, you'd be very glad of it. And see how he responds to it.

Something else you might want to consider OP - if your dad is giving sites to your sisters, I presume he's a farmer? Is there any chance he has notions of you taking over the farm and homestead, rather than building a place of your own?

LegacyUser

mike_ie wrote: »

Is there any chance that your dad might be a little traditional in terms of these things? It's may not be as obvious to your dad that you want to build and settle down than it was in your sister's case - she got married, and in your dad's eyes he probably saw it as how it's always done - the start of the big family package, wedding, house, kids, settling down the road from him in perpetuity. It's hard to tell from your post, but it sounds like you just want to get out of the rental game and have a place of your own, not part of getting married etc, and this may not be obvious to your dad's way of thinking?

As mentioned above, you should sit down with him and tell him what your plans are, rather than dropping hints. Let him know that you want to get out of the rental market and build a place of your own, and if the offer still stands about helping you out with that, you'd be very glad of it. And see how he responds to it.

Something else you might want to consider OP - if your dad is giving sites to your sisters, I presume he's a farmer? Is there any chance he has notions of you taking over the farm and homestead, rather than building a place of your own?

Thanks Mike,

Yes he is quite traditional and both of my sisters have settled down but I'm nowhere near getting married and I live about 3 hours from home. Yes I'm in a relationship but marriage for the moment is not on the cards. I'm the 3rd girl in the family, not male like the other poster suggested and though I do work in the Agricultural sector I have no plans to return home and my father is quite aware of that.
I just feel that maybe he should of offered to help by now and he was more than forward about offering my other 2 sisters financial help.
I'm quite independent and have never asked for help before so maybe he doesn't think I need it. I was quite unhappy with my housemate last year and I was very stressed over it.. and even though I spoke to Dad about how upset I was and how I'd love my own home he didn't mention anything about me buying.

I know he'd never see me unhappy intentionally but I feel like he's holding back on offering any help and this is why I find it hard to approach him about the idea.
I don't want anything remotely fancy.. just a wee place to call my own.
I feel like Im having to go and beg and that's the part that holds me back...

rainbowtrout

Gamble@E wrote: »

Thanks Mike,

Yes he is quite traditional and both of my sisters have settled down but I'm nowhere near getting married and I live about 3 hours from home. Yes I'm in a relationship but marriage for the moment is not on the cards. I'm the 3rd girl in the family, not male like the other poster suggested and though I do work in the Agricultural sector I have no plans to return home and my father is quite aware of that.
I just feel that maybe he should of offered to help by now and he was more than forward about offering my other 2 sisters financial help.
I'm quite independent and have never asked for help before so maybe he doesn't think I need it. I was quite unhappy with my housemate last year and I was very stressed over it.. and even though I spoke to Dad about how upset I was and how I'd love my own home he didn't mention anything about me buying.

I know he'd never see me unhappy intentionally but I feel like he's holding back on offering any help and this is why I find it hard to approach him about the idea.
I don't want anything remotely fancy.. just a wee place to call my own.
I feel like Im having to go and beg and that's the part that holds me back...

Read back over the bits that are bolded above. You describe yourself as independent and living 3 hours from home, happily in rented accommodation, aside from the dodgy housemate.

Have you ever come home of a weekend (or had a phone conversation) where you actually said 'I'm sick of renting, I want to buy a house'? Because if you haven't and you are independent as you say you are, your father might think you are happy renting for the moment.

He might also think that you are not planning to buy a house where you are living, saying you are unhappy with the housemate and that you'd love your own place is one thing, actually going and doing something about it is another.

I would suspect that if your father still stands and you had said something like 'I'm sick of house shares, I'm going to start looking for a house of my own and I'm going to start making enquiries about mortgages and deposits, I reckon it will cost X amount' it might be a bit more obvious to him.

The fact that your sisters are married and settled down made their situation a bit more clear cut.

Dog of Tears

You're in your 30's and have a professional qualification.

Why do you need financial assistance from your father to fund the purchase of a house?

You say you are independent, it's time to act like it. If you can't fund the purchase of a house without financial assistance, then you need to start looking at cheaper houses.

I get that you're a bit put out that your sisters seem to have been given help and you haven't been, but if it was me, I'd want to be standing on my own two feet at this stage.
Forget about what your siblings did or didn't get, start planning your own future independently. You will feel far better about yourself in the long run if you've done it yourself without help.

MissFlitworth

You should really stop hinting and then feeling upset or hard done by when your dad doesn't leap out to rescue you/suggest you buy a house. He did offer to help you, it doesn't seem like you've ever actually been in a position where you were going to buy a house for him to extend that help. Just ask him if he'd still be in a position to help you out if you were to buy a house and move from there.