Planning a wedding, how can I help my Fianceé?

banie01

Folks,
I got engaged recently and my Fiancee is currently in full on planning mode for a date next year.
Now I don't want to come across here as a typical "man" when it comes to the wedding planning, but if I'm honest...
I am a man! I don't have a dream wedding venue or anything along those lines.
To me, our wedding is a day!
Albeit a day we will share with our loved ones and hopefully one that will be a memorable one for all involved 😉 and tbh I'm more looking forward to our lives together afterwards....
To the marriage rather than the wedding.

Now that said....
I have no preference when it comes to venue or service type or anything else regarding the minutiae of the event.
But I don't want to place it all on her shoulders in the usual "I'm a man, sure it's your wedding do whatever you want!"
There are things I feel we should do and do to the best standard we can, the drinks reception at least,The food (plentiful and good) and the music.
As we are looking at an all in one venue for the day, the 1st 2 of my "must haves" are really in the hands of whichever venue we end up choosing and the music luckily will not be a problem as we have a wide range of contacts.

My fiancee isn't the best at the financial side of planning and my downfall is that I am.
We have a budget, and at 20k I thought it was a good budget for a wedding in a regional city.
That in her 1st days looking at venues she managed to obliterate 😉
Mainly because she didn't pay attention to anything other than the venue, there was no heed at all paid to add ons at the venue let alone entertainment, rings, transport, flowers, celebrant and outside vendors and the whole myriad of other costs that will rack up.

So aside from my going into accountant mode.
How can I best support and help out my Fiancee during this phase of planning?
I don't want to dictate to her or be the big bad penny pinching husband to be, just help make sure she gets a handle on the costs and planning process.

Any advice at all will be appreciated folks.

Edit:
She hasn't actually booked anything or spent 20k yet!
Her 1st quote on her dream venue however would wipe out a lot of our budget.
More a case of premature imaginary spending on just the venue before all our costs/plans have been finalised.
I just want to be sure I can help her get a handle on costs so she can be realistic about our spend.

Uno my Uno.

the best advice I can suggest is that you develop a preference and help make the decisions. Have an opinion on a venue and express it, the same with what you want the food to be like and so on. From there you need to provide positive contributions, a little bit of research on venues, decorations etc. just that little bit of input will mean that she doesn't feel she is doing it all on her own and having to make all the decisions.

It seems that you may have to play the role of financial controller, that will be much easier to do if your contribution to the planning isn't purely financial. If you are excluding venues because of their location or you simply don't like them it will be easier to do so because they are outside of your budget.

looksee

Do some research yourself looking for affordable places, figure out an approximate cost for flowers, and the other extras. Put together all the extras you are going to have to add on, all of them that must fit inside your budget, dress, suits, bridesmaids etc. Then sit down together and be willing to say, yes that looks lovely, but we have to leave x amount for extras and that is going to come out a bit too much. As if this is something you are working out as you go along rather than dictating it.

Have an idea of what the extras are going to come to so that you know what you can spend on the venue. Use phrases like, well if we reduce the guests to x we could just about do that. Keep coming to a finite amount of money, rather than saying individual things are too expensive, let her come to that conclusion.

pwurple

She wiped the proposed 20k in a few days? Good grief, I wouldn't survive a marriage with someone like that.

Pistachios & cream

OP i agree with other posters and it is important that you have an opinion on how your wedding day goes. Currently you don't seem to have any idea of what you would like beyond the budget you want to spend. DO you want a hotel wedding/ Private venue etc. Drinks recpetion? choices on the menu, Numbers invited.
Once you think about these it will give you an idea of what you want. If your fiance is set on certain types of decorations/theme talk to her about what she wants and help her to bring this in on budget. This might mean you doing a lot of research too.

It is important that you decide on a budget and i would sit down with your fiancee now and do one up. Here's a link to the one i used http://www.mrs2be.ie/wedding-budget-calculator/

This will focus yours and your fiance's mind on what you can and cannot afford and what is important to you. Many things on it you might not want.

wuffly

Weddingslonline have a really good budget excel sheet. We used it as our base, changed it to suit the wedding we were having and kept track of what we had paid and what was left. Not a mad spender myself but it was good to get a rough budget down before we looked at venues etc... we ended up under budget and I think it was purely because we knew what we could spend on each thing as opposed to looking at things separately and thinking 'thats not too bad' and adding it all up after in horror. We did it together so it wasn't one against the other. I think its better to do this early and avoid the getting carried away 'we'll only do this once' madness. We divided up most of the jobs as such, but both had input in everything to varying levels. If you have an opinion voice it without being mean We did a lot ourselves or took family up on offers of help. Its your day too and you might not know what you like but you probably know what you don't and that's not a bad place to start.

lazygal

pwurple wrote: »

She wiped the proposed 20k in a few days? Good grief, I wouldn't survive a marriage with someone like that.

That's very harsh. Maybe she was just caught up with the excitement.

OP I think you need to sit down and discuss what kind of wedding you want and what the priorities are. As you'll read here time and again, the top things to spend money on are food, drinks and entertainment, usually a band or a DJ or both. We had to revise our budget as TBH when we started out looking at services we either underestimated or overestimated costs. Visit a few venues, not too many, get the prices for each and that'll give you a good idea of what the costs for what you want will be. We found venues don't differ that much, but the costs and what you can negotiate on varied wildly. We ruled out ones that wouldn't allow corkage or charged extra for holding the ceremony, or for the bar extension.


ETA do the guest list first. Tonight, write down everyone you plan on asking. You'll only be able to decide what the costs will be if you know how many you want to cater for.

banie01

pwurple wrote: »

She wiped the proposed 20k in a few days? Good grief, I wouldn't survive a marriage with someone like that.

That's a bit harsh to be fair.
Its more that she got swept along in the excitement of planning a wedding and also rather naively thought that the price quoted would be "all inclusive" and assumed that it would cover everything before I sat her down and gave her an overview of event budgeting 😉

To everyone else, thanks for the contributions so far.
The wedding will be for @120 and so far aside from the fact we are going to have a civil ceremony at the venue, there is nothing set in stone.

nc19

20k!!!!!!

I could literally think of an infinite number of things 20k would be better spent on than a wedding.

reg office, 2k max for the dress, couple hundred for suit. 4k for reception and food. 1.5k for band/dj. Savage honeymoon 3/4k.
Money left over.

Doesn't have to cost the earth.

banie01

Just to add, when we initially came up with a budget to my mind it was to include the honeymoon and all other costs.

I think I should have done a better job of explaining what I thought was going to covered versus what she thought the budget was for.
We have spoken about what is covered now, and are on a clearer footing I hope, the spreadsheet links and advice offered so far are much appreciated.

eviltwin

Its very easy to get caught up in the excitement and blow the lot in a matter of days but its still a lot of money to get through. While some of the replies are harsh its worth having a discussion about the money side of it. I would be worried that my partner might be a bit flaky with cash if he or she was able to spend like that. Its your money too.

lazygal

nc19 wrote: »

20k!!!!!!

I could literally think of an infinite number of things 20k would be better spent on than a wedding.

reg office, 2k max for the dress, couple hundred for suit. 4k for reception and food. 1.5k for band/dj. Savage honeymoon 3/4k.
Money left over.

Doesn't have to cost the earth.

Just because that suited you doesn't make it a waste of money. I'd consider things like new cars and backpacking holidays and season tickets to sports games a waste of money, but as long as someone can afford it who cares? We didn't spend €20k on our wedding, but we didn't cut everything to the bone either because we had the money saved and weren't going into debt. I'd think €2k on a one time wear dress is a giant waste of money, but that doesn't mean I think my friends who spent even more than that were foolish to do so.

wuffly

As far as I can see the OP wanted to help his Fiancee plan the wedding, not be judged for how much they are thinking of spending. Its your wedding you can have a lovely wedding for half your budget, equally you could easily spend double. She hasn't signed or spent anything yet, she's excited and probably got caught up in the sales persons speil. Its not the end of the world. All I can say is be interested, if she really wants something you think is too expensive look for affordable alternatives, help a girl out

banie01

eviltwin wrote: »

Its very easy to get caught up in the excitement and blow the lot in a matter of days but its still a lot of money to get through.

Very true, I would point out though that at this stage nothing has actually been blown.

She had a rather naive planning splurge based on her dream venue and our agreed budget.
After getting that quoted up and having a slap of fiscal reality from myself regarding the actual total costs it won't happen again.

Her financial acumen isn't at all a worry for me, if anything I would usually be the impulsive spender

lazygal

Best of luck with the planning. It is an exciting time! Don't be afraid to haggle or ask for extras thrown in, we saved a fair few quid just by being cheeky. I found email the best way to haggle as you don't get flustered and can write down what you want.

Dog of Tears

banie01 wrote: »

That's a bit harsh to be fair.
Its more that she got swept along in the excitement of planning a wedding and also rather naively thought that the price quoted would be "all inclusive" and assumed that it would cover everything before I sat her down and gave her an overview of event budgeting 😉

Seriously WTF!!??

If you need to explain such obvious things to her she should not be trusted with €20K!

In terms of what you can do now, I'd suggest taking any financial responsibility for the rest of the wedding out of her hands post-haste.

banie01

lazygal wrote: »

Best of luck with the planning. It is an exciting time! Don't be afraid to haggle or ask for extras thrown in, we saved a fair few quid just by being cheeky. I found email the best way to haggle as you don't get flustered and can write down what you want.

That would be my main worry with leaving her to negotiate on her own...
She would not be the best negotiator, after all she settled for me didn't she
My idea at the moment is to have her shortlist venues and vendors and if needs be I will negotiate the nitty gritty details.

nc19

lazygal wrote:

Just because that suited you doesn't make it a waste of money. I'd consider things like new cars and backpacking holidays and season tickets to sports games a waste of money, but as long as someone can afford it who cares? We didn't spend €20k on our wedding, but we didn't cut everything to the bone either because we had the money saved and weren't going into debt. I'd think €2k on a one time wear dress is a giant waste of money, but that doesn't mean I think my friends who spent even more than that were foolish to do so.

Could have afforded 60k. Doesn't mean you have to cos you can

eviltwin

banie01 wrote: »

Very true, I would point out though that at this stage nothing has actually been blown.

She had a rather naive planning splurge based on her dream venue and our agreed budget.
After getting that quoted up and having a slap of fiscal reality from myself regarding the actual total costs it won't happen again.

Her financial acumen isn't at all a worry for me, if anything I would usually be the impulsive spender

Yeah sorry to the OP, the first post made me think she had actually spent the money. At this stage of course she's going to go a bit mad, that's normal. Things will settle and she will too.

lazygal

nc19 wrote: »

Could have afforded 60k. Doesn't mean you have to cos you can

It doesn't mean you have to have a particularly budget wedding either. If the couple want the wedding and can afford it, why bother telling them its a waste of money. I wouldn't bother telling someone about to head off around the world backpacking they'd be better off spending the money differently, once they could afford it.

Larbre34

You dont have to be overbearing to keep the reigns on the spending. Use some of the wedding websites budget templates as a guide, let them do the dirty work as regards a reality check. Find cheaper alternatives to what items she is suggesting and show her what can be achieved without breaking the bank. Make a few items your own, cars, thank you gifts, male outfits, day after party plans etc.

Ask her to identify the things that mean most to her and that will leave the longest lasting memories for you both and your guests. That means she will prioritise rather than going mad on every last detail.

And on that note, I suggest you spend lots on food and music and a few treats for any kids that will attend and spare yourselves the waste on too many flowers, too many trinkets, too many bits of tat like candy carts and photo booths and novelty decorations.

Nobody remembers that, they remember being appreciated as guests and as part of the event, which in turn will give you fond memories of that day.

LynnGrace

banie just popping in to say congrats, first of all!

No major tips to add to the good advice already given, it's all about getting the basics right, in my opinion.
It's easy to get a bit carried away initially, no harm done .

Have a think maybe about any wedding you attended, even better if it was one you attended with your fiancée, and what really appealed to both of you.

All the best, and enjoy the planning together.

Triceratops Ballet

op from my former life as a hotel wedding planner the best thing would be to go to all the viewings as a couple. The couples who go together generally get the better deals because obviously the sales person is going to have no qualms about sweeping one person up into the dream of the perfect day.

Research online pick like 5 venues individually. Listing your reasons for picking each. Sit down together and bring it down to 3-5 max, and visit those.

Plus going together means that your priorities are understood by the hotel not just your brides.

Aside from the venue, get the dress and honeymoon sorted first. You need something to look forward to! (obviously other than wedded bliss!)

banie01

Larbre34 wrote: »

Ask her to identify the things that mean most to her and that will leave the longest lasting memories for you both and your guests. That means she will prioritise rather than going mad on every last detail./quote]

Already done, I broke the day out into sections such as ceremony, venue, reception, meal and so on and ask her to focus on 2 absolute must haves for each section.
I'm hoping that will help her focus on what's important to her.

Larbre34 wrote: »

on that note, I suggest you spend lots on food and music and a few treats for any kids that will attend and spare yourselves the waste on too many flowers, too many trinkets, too many bits of tat like candy carts and photo booths and novelty decorations.

Nobody remembers that, they remember being appreciated as guests and as part of the event, which in turn will give you fond memories of that day.

100% agree, as I said in my op the food and the quality of entertainment would be of paramount importance from my viewpoint, rather than novelties.

Milly33

A few harsh comments there, surprised pwurple doesn't sound like you. And Dog of tears well not sure about you but jes calm down..

When you first start planning you do not realise how pricey things are especially when you say the word wedding, it is like a ching ching style..

My twopence would be to maybe sit down with her or ask her, if you are not too fussed about venues to pick out ones she likes, then ye go through them together to see what ones could work and arrange to visit..GO WITH HER do not let her do that by herself. Your asking for trouble

In saying that think two about where guests are coming from and make it somewhere to suit everyone...Within reason of course what ye want is top of the list.

Thinking ye kinda sound like us, fine I am not too bad with money but at the same time, I would have a lackadaisy approach to it. You either have it or you don't... Do not be too harsh on her, if she picks something out no matter whether tis a dress, stationary. Don't start going on a rant saying ohh no but we cant. Think first and say right we cant do this but we could do this or do something similar that we can afford.

Suits too have your input, shown your a man and go pick out a few that you would like to wear.
Of course let he see these before buying

Something nice to do for her maybe is set aside a night for ye to talk through things, just to get a feel for what she is thinking. You could pick up a nice notebook one for you and one for her, for wedding planning just to jot down ideas on.. You can get the planners which are loverly but I think it is nice to have just a scribble book to take down notes while they pop into you head..

best of luck with it all and congrats too

fits

My other half is excellent with finances and spreadsheets. He made up his own with estimated costs for each item early on in the planning. I was completely surprieed at how everything added up as i didnt think we were doing anything particularly fancy. Things i wouldnt have thought of then were things like gifts for parents and bridal party, hotel rooms, salon appointments.

TrishSimon

My advice from someone who spent 17K or more on her wedding in 2012, dont waste all that money on a wedding its silly. I absolutely regret it now because we could have spent the money on more important things, I did have a budget of 12K max and went over it by about 5k and I am generally good with money I actually work in accounts but my husband wanted a big day with loads of guests and that blew the budget.
Do you actually want to have a big wedding and spend 20K or would you be happy with having a smaller wedding or even going away getting married and throwing a party for everyone when you come back with a bar limit say of 5k something like that. I know loads of people who said they regret having huge weddings.
My preference would be have a small intimate wedding and go on a great honeymoon with a party when you come back but if you are going ahead with the big wedding budget for everything and try bargain with people and get deals and if as you say your GF is terrible with money keep a tight reign on the finances for the big day.

fits

@trishsimon thats a big fear of mine as well, that we will regret spending the money in time. But i also want to do my best to ensure the guests have a lovely time so its a catch 22 for me. I would not have been at all happy with the wedding experience a lot of places offer. And i wanted our families there.

banie01

Milly33 wrote: »

Suits too have your input, shown your a man and go pick out a few that you would like to wear.
Of course let he see these before buying

Something nice to do for her maybe is set aside a night for ye to talk through things, just to get a feel for what she is thinking. You could pick up a nice notebook one for you and one for her, for wedding planning just to jot down ideas on.. You can get the planners which are loverly but I think it is nice to have just a scribble book to take down notes while they pop into you head..

best of luck with it all and congrats too

Thanks for the good wishes.
The suits, gifts for the bridal party, transport and entertainment amongst other things will all be my remit
As well as anything else I get jobbed with along the way.
With regards the notes, what I'm finding great at the moment is the google keep app.
Set up a shared note and add/delete ideas and info at will

TrishSimon wrote: »

My advice from someone who spent 17K or more on her wedding in 2012, dont waste all that money on a wedding its silly. I absolutely regret it now because we could have spent the money on more important things, I did have a budget of 12K max and went over it by about 5k and I am generally good with money I actually work in accounts but my husband wanted a big day with loads of guests and that blew the budget.
Do you actually want to have a big wedding and spend 20K or would you be happy with having a smaller wedding or even going away getting married and throwing a party for everyone when you come back with a bar limit say of 5k something like that. I know loads of people who said they regret having huge weddings.
My preference would be have a small intimate wedding and go on a great honeymoon with a party when you come back but if you are going ahead with the big wedding budget for everything and try bargain with people and get deals and if as you say your GF is terrible with money keep a tight reign on the finances for the big day.

I never said she was terrible with money, in fact I said she's usually the opposite.
She just had a I suppose an out of budget, potential spendgasm when she visited her favoured venue and got quoted a package price that if we were to go with would blow our budget.

Its not the 1st rodeo for me
I am a widower and my previous wedding was a basically civil registration out foreign and my wife always regretted not sharing our day with more of our family/friends.
With regards wanting the big wedding, as I said earlier to my mind the wedding is a day for a bride but if I was to choose, then yes based on my past experience I'd like the bit of a do!
More to share the day with those that matter to us and to see my family and friends happy and sharing some new memories, basically to see them all together at an occasion other than a funeral

I've got quite a large family and I'm not going to go down the road of picking who to invite and not to invite when we have the means to invite everyone we want there to share our day with us if they choose to attend.
I'm not disputing that 20k could be seen as frivolous, or that a wedding can be arranged for a lot less or indeed a lot more.....
But that's the budget we've agreed on and will each contribute too.

Toots

Guys let's keep posts helpful to the OP. It's nobody's business but his own how much he chooses to spend on his wedding. Everyone's different, and it's not on to make sweeping statements and get all preachy about it.

Anyone who continues to post in this vein will be infracted.

TrishSimon

banie01 wrote: »

Thanks for the good wishes.
The suits, gifts for the bridal party, transport and entertainment amongst other things will all be my remit
As well as anything else I get jobbed with along the way.
With regards the notes, what I'm finding great at the moment is the google keep app.
Set up a shared note and add/delete ideas and info at will



I never said she was terrible with money, in fact I said she's usually the opposite.
She just had a I suppose an out of budget, potential spendgasm when she visited her favoured venue and got quoted a package price that if we were to go with would blow our budget.

Its not the 1st rodeo for me
I am a widower and my previous wedding was a basically civil registration out foreign and my wife always regretted not sharing our day with more of our family/friends.
With regards wanting the big wedding, as I said earlier to my mind the wedding is a day for a bride but if I was to choose, then yes based on my past experience I'd like the bit of a do!
More to share the day with those that matter to us and to see my family and friends happy and sharing some new memories, basically to see them all together at an occasion other than a funeral

I've got quite a large family and I'm not going to go down the road of picking who to invite and not to invite when we have the means to invite everyone we want there to share our day with us if they choose to attend.
I'm not disputing that 20k could be seen as frivolous, or that a wedding can be arranged for a lot less or indeed a lot more.....
But that's the budget we've agreed on and will each contribute too.

At the end of the day its your wedding and your day, apologies I thought you implied she wasn't great with money. If you feel comfortable with spending 20k then go for it you will of course get presents from people in money form so it might not be as bad.
You can get caught up in the whole wedding planning when you go to hotels and fairs etc...I am not sure where you live by Leixlip Manor do a great deal as in a package deal and throw in the honeymoon for 7K or something like that my friends took that deal and are getting married there April 2016.
Best of luck and do what you feel you are happy with at the end of the day its you who has to spend the rest of your life with your wife to be.

TrishSimon

fits wrote: »

@trishsimon thats a big fear of mine as well, that we will regret spending the money in time. But i also want to do my best to ensure the guests have a lovely time so its a catch 22 for me. I would not have been at all happy with the wedding experience a lot of places offer. And i wanted our families there.

@fits look at it this way if you have everything else money wise in your life sorted as in you have a home to live in whether it be rented or mortgaged, you dont have any huge debt needing paying off then spend what you want on your wedding and have the type of day you would like with family and friends there, we had 206 people at the wedding and I had a great day but looking back now I never really wanted a huge wedding with all the bells and whistles on but my husband did and he never really asks for anything and is really easy going to I agreed now we actually could have done with the 17K but sure look no going back.
Budget everything, bargain with people, get deals on whatever you can and you wont spend half as much as you think.
Best of luck...my one tip is for wedding dresses I am not sure if you are the bride or groom but shop around and set a max budget and stick to it loads of shops sell dresses from the previous year at knock down prices.

banie01

TrishSimon wrote: »

At the end of the day its your wedding and your day, apologies I thought you implied she wasn't great with money. If you feel comfortable with spending 20k then go for it you will of course get presents from people in money form so it might not be as bad.
You can get caught up in the whole wedding planning when you go to hotels and fairs etc...I am not sure where you live by Leixlip Manor do a great deal as in a package deal and throw in the honeymoon for 7K or something like that my friends took that deal and are getting married there April 2016.
Best of luck and do what you feel you are happy with at the end of the day its you who has to spend the rest of your life with your wife to be.

Nothing to apologize for Trish, the input is appreciated.
That Leixlip manor package sounds great, we are in Limerick city and are kind of restricting our search to @45minute radius.
I'd ideally do something like that and add on extra evening food, excellent entertainment and sort food for the 2nd day too maybe
As far as I am aware there is nowhere in our preferred area offering similar packages.
Which is disappointing, but we are in early days of the search my only worry is that she has already had a look at her initially preferred venue that it will take a lot to sway her now.

TrishSimon

banie01 wrote: »

Nothing to apologize for Trish, the input is appreciated.
That Leixlip manor package sounds great, we are in Limerick city and are kind of restricting our search to @45minute radius.
I'd ideally do something like that and add on extra evening food, excellent entertainment and sort food for the 2nd day too maybe
As far as I am aware there is nowhere in our preferred area offering similar packages.
Which is disappointing, but we are in early days of the search my only worry is that she has already had a look at her initially preferred venue that it will take a lot to sway her now.

The Absolute Hotel in Limerick is really nice.
The 45 min radius is a good idea, we did the same and put coaches on for family and friends to get home just aswell cause it was a major storm that day. You can still get packages like per head ex. 35 per person and that would include evening food, band, flowers etc.
Best of luck !

TrishSimon

banie01 wrote: »

Nothing to apologize for Trish, the input is appreciated.
That Leixlip manor package sounds great, we are in Limerick city and are kind of restricting our search to @45minute radius.
I'd ideally do something like that and add on extra evening food, excellent entertainment and sort food for the 2nd day too maybe
As far as I am aware there is nowhere in our preferred area offering similar packages.
Which is disappointing, but we are in early days of the search my only worry is that she has already had a look at her initially preferred venue that it will take a lot to sway her now.

http://www.absolutehotel.com/en/

neris

You should be planning the wedding together and discussing it. The title sounds like shes doing everything and planning everything. It is your day aswell and you should be able to tell her what youd like aswell and who you would like there. No point you thinking 60 people in a small hotel is great while shes thinking 300 people in a castle.

Neyite

You just got engaged OP, so its very easy to get swept away in the excitement of it all - I had my dress bought a month after getting engaged in summer 2013, and its been hanging in my spare room since. And we have no date set yet!

But I do think that you need to have more of an input, it sounds like she is very excited but quite overwhelmed, and especially with wedding suppliers, being savvy when it comes to alternatives when haggling is something you'd both need to be on board with.

So maybe before you both start planning, suggest that you both 'study' how to best negotiate wedding packages, read up different forums for advice and get tips. All the way along she'll be getting a better idea of what she should get for the price, and refine her ideas of what she thinks is worth the money or not. Then go as a couple to the vendors, discuss and decide. You can still be as easygoing as you like about what she might prefer, but this way, she is less likely to get bombarded with the sales spiel.

A2LUE42

OP, copy one of the spreadsheets on wol.ie or similar. then separate the fixed and variable costs and go through with her. most have estimate cost and actual cost running totals. great way to keep track.

wuffly

Banie, didn't realise you were a widower, was in the same boat myself (widow) and similar first wedding for different reasons. I did go for bells and whistles my 2nd time round (within reason). We weren't in a position to have people with us the first time I was married, it wasn't a regret as such, but being able to share it with family and friends when I got remarried was very special, anyway I can't really describe it. Emotional but mostly in a good way I can't say enough about how wonderful it is to have family and friends with you, the people that really supported you to getting to your wedding day. We had a nice venue but at the end of the day it could have been in a shed and we would have enjoyed it just as much, it was really about the crowd not the 'stuff', so keeping them happy will make it a great day for you both. Besides a lovely wife photos are the main thing you will have after so I would definitely make that a priority.

banie01

wuffly wrote: »

I can't say enough about how wonderful it is to have family and friends with you, the people that really supported you to getting to your wedding day.

Thanks Wuffly! Just cherry picking your point above, its one of the things I'm most looking forward to.
My family (Current in-laws included I'm glad to say) and my friends carried me through some dark and horrible times.
Sharing our day with the people we love means a lot to me(to us both), not just as celebration of our marriage but as a thank you to everyone involved in supporting us and helping us get to this point.

My Fianceé and I had (another) long talk about this last night.
We are both on the same page with regards what she and I want from the day, I could perhaps be more definite in what I want from a venue.
But TBH, similar to yourself the venue doesn't matter a jot to me as long as the people we want are there, that they're fed, watered and entertained.
Thats why I've left the venue in her hands, she can hopefully find a place that will fit with what she imagines as her dream venue(or close to it).
We've plenty of time to get our venue sorted, to get our plans tweaked and to have the day we both want.
It really was a case of initial over-excitement and penny blindness at the initial venue viewing.

I'm no longer worried about the budget being blown, now after my initial shock/worry I know we are both really on the same page.
So I just want to say thanks to everyone who offered advice, Plans of action and spreadsheets to help us out.
Thanks folks.

wuffly

Best of luck, I'm sure ye will have a wonderful day. Its just a day but it can be a really great one

Gatica

If you're trying to work out what you can budget for different parts of the wedding, the survey results are a useful guide:
http://www.mrs2be.ie/wedding-business/irish-wedding-survey-2014/

I don't mean that you need to spend what the survey says, but if you read through it you'll maybe notice things you forgot to budget for, or maybe decide you do or don't want to do them; also you can see on average what percentage (there was an article on this before as well, but couldn't find it) is spent on the venue, i.e. meal cost. So out of your budget of 20k, what amount would be reasonable (depending on what you wish to include in your wedding) to allocate to the venue, and depending on the number you're inviting, what spend you have pp... It's a handy guide in dispensing of venues you definitely cannot afford, or maybe make you realise you do love it so much, you'll cut it out of something else, like car/transport or wedding dress.

I also found it useful to get a brochure from somewhere that does a fully inclusive package and see what's on it. Then decide which of those things are important for you to keep, and then when you're considering venues, to be able to tick off different things that will cost you extra in one place vs another... As an example, some places will include chair covers, others may charge 2.50 apiece, and therefore you'll have to calculate what that'll cost you extra for that, and so on...

Sherlof3

Congratulations on your engagement and on popping the question!

Ask her to do out a budget.

When I got engaged and started getting in quotes I was convinced I couldn't do it for less than thirty by the time you add in all of the extras. Himself obviously gave me a reality check - we looked at what we have in terms of budget and worked back from there. You prioritise, shave 20% everything, but it helped me stay very conscious of what I was spending and negotiating with every single vendor. So am basically getting the sort of wedding I wanted but on budget at 20K!

pwurple

Glad you clarified that OP, it initially looked from your first post that the budget was gone already!

The answer is simple, just participate. Do the planning together. Go to the venues, express opinions and preferences on the food/drinks/clothes etc. It's much more fun for both of you like that anyway!