Parents terrorized by their youngest (adult) son.

LegacyUser

Please, please help!

If this is the wrong forum, I apologise, but the anonymity of posting here is welcomed.

I am going to try and be concise and to the point. I hope to get some advice from folks here as to what to do next.

My wife's parents are trying to figure out how to help their youngest son. They are at their wits end and yet after each episode, they kind of ignore what has happened, until the next time it happens.

He is 29, has dropped out of education, held the odd part time position over 10 years ago, is in receipt of jobseekers allowance, believes all his opportunities have been taken away by others and that someday he'll show the world how talented he is at what he does.

His Dad is a pensioner and his Mum works part time, she will be a pensioner shortly.

Typically once to twice a week, he goes out on the town and makes a fool of himself with his wild claims and beliefs. He then arrives back to his parents home and plays loud music, has arguments with himself and stays up to the early hours either doing the latter or shouting through his parents bedroom door these and other things until the early morning. This is exhausting for them. Thankfully they do not know the public perception of him.

When he is confronted, things escalate, the Dad has been thrown to the ground and the threat of violence is constant at these times. Angels, devils, demons and retribution plus other all manner of topics are frequent. The next day, he shuts himself in his room and stays away. When sober, everything is denied and he will cook dinners and be all nicey nicey but there is still odd talk of angels, healings and arguments on extreme topics.

They have talked to local doctors. I've talked to local Gardaí and Solicitors etc. There is clearly an issue here. The parents talk the talk but cave in when it comes to it. To be honest they think he should get help and even would like him not living there. The system seems to only work if someone admits to their problems and asks for help or if something extreme happens. The parents worry if they do get the Gardaí or courts involved he will come back and attack them or kill them. Recent events in Carndonagh, County Donegal have added fuel to this fire.

So folks, does anyone have any practical advice on what to do? I reiterate, please, PLEASE help!

Each week, he seems more unstable and while they want him out, they want him to get help which he does not believe he needs and they live in fear. I and my wife feel utterly helpless...

Thank you so much in advance.

Son-in-law

LegacyUser

I'll try my best to give whatever advice I can.

Is it possible to get him admitted to a mental hospital against his will? I mean he does sound like he could be a danger, and all this talk of angels, demons and healings seriously suggest a serious mental problem.

If that doesn't work....never thought i'd say this but your other options is to get his parents to kick him out and put a restraining order on him.

I know we don't need any more people homeless on the streets, but like you said OP when you take into account what happened in Donegal...it could nearly be for the best for them. They cannot b dealing with that at their age, especially when their son refuses help.

saywhatyousee

Son-in-law wrote: »

Mod Note: Please don't quote entire post. It is unnecessary and clogs up the thread with duplicate text.

You need to contact a priest and show him your Op as soon as possible and tell him he been threatening people with the supernatural that's a strong indication for something bad

Dj Stiggie

saywhatyousee wrote: »

You need to contact a priest and show him your Op as soon as possible and tell him he been threatening people with the supernatural that's a strong indication for something bad

I've seen some stupid answers here, but wow.

saywhatyousee

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

I've seen some stupid answers here, but wow.

Well he talks obsessivily about religion so getting a priest to talk to him might have more weight than the gardai for example. What was your advice for the Op again ? Instead of jumping on me to thanks whore ?

username000

Tell the parents to throw him out.

Tiddlypeeps

Edit

Neyite

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

I've seen some stupid answers here, but wow.

Mod:
If you have a problem with a post, report it. Please read the charter before posting again.

Bricriu

If the parents are not up to this (and they don't seem to be), I think you and other concerned relatives will have to step in.

I think you need to talk to a psychiatrist or a knowledgeable GP to assess how to get your relative to see a psychiatrist.

I would start by talking to your relative in a reasonable fashion, with NO threatening; in my experience of a relative I had to deal with, they are scared out of their skins by their condition already, even though they may not admit that. I would try this numerous times; if it doesn't work, I think committal will have to be considered. But be aware, committal is the absolute last resort.

For committal, the signatures of at least two doctors are needed (maybe three), but the doctor will have the details. The Gardaí may have to enforce this. Resentment may happen due to this, but consider all the people who are committed who don't retaliate. As I say, committal is the absolute last resort.

It's heartbreaking to have to commit a person; but when a person doesn't have insight into their own condition and is obviously suffering terribly, and causing utter distress to those around them, sometimes it's the only way.

The best of luck with this. It's a hard, sad road.

kylith

If he denies it when sober then ye need to record him when he's drunk. It will either shock him into getting help or give his parents the leverage they need to get him out.

Toots

It sounds like there's definitely a serious mental health issue there alright, and the drink definitely causes it to escalate. I agree with the others on this thread who have said that he needs to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

I can understand your in-laws fear that if they kick him out, he could come back and kill them, but there's just as much, if not more, of a danger of that happening when he's in the house living with them. He's having what sound like psychotic episodes, and seems to be out of touch with reality. It might not take a whole lot to just tip him over the edge and have him react violently.

Have a read of this from citizens info regarding psychiatric patients, it gives a few details of what the procedure is if someone is involuntarily admitted. I would strongly urge them to go down the route of having him sectioned, as opposed to just getting the Gardai to kick him out. The best outcome for everyone concerned would be that he gets a diagnosis and proper treatment, and has a chance to recover and have a normal life.

Has your wife got any other siblings? If she does, they all need to get together, and they, along with their parents (and you if they want) need to go and talk to the Gardai as a unit. Explain what is going on, explain their parents' concerns, and the Gardai can advise where to go from there. If they don't feel comfortable going straight to the gardai, then the whole group of them need to see the GP together, both to support the parents, and also to give the parents a push, if needs be. If they can't all go to the doc's office together, maybe ask the GP to meet them at your house, don't get the GP to call to the in-laws' house.

They may need a GP or someone to examine the brother before bringing him anywhere, but that may not need to happen until he's actually brought to a hospital. I'm not completely sure how the procedure works. It's very likely that he'll need to be brought in involuntarily, so the Gardai will need to be on board anyway.

If ye manage to get him sectioned, the parents need to let the hospital know that he will no longer be able to live with him when he gets out. This is for their own safety, because there's always a chance that he could stop taking medication/have a relapse/etc. There are Occupational Therapists and other support members in the hospital who can help him get sorted with accommodation. I'd also recommend that your wife's parents get a monitored alarm system, something that has a panic button, and just generally increase security in the house (locks on doors, leaving the alarm on 'home' when they're in the house, locks on windows etc). It might be totally unnecessary, but nevertheless it would go some way to giving them extra peace of mind.

zoobizoo

Go to his GP and explain what has happened.

Do not leave the GPs office until he commits to seeing the son.

Tell him everything.

Toots' post above outlines everything
It sounds as if the son needs to be sectioned for a period. Once the doctor agrees to that, and if he won't go voluntarily, the Gardai will have to be called. an ambulance will arrive at the house and someone will have to try to get him to get in it.

It will be hard but it will be for his own good. If he is just kicked out, he'll be on the streets and will get worse.

They can get a barring order/ safety order etc against him.
It may be that they are not happy just kicking him out, like a barring order. In these cases they may be able to get a safety or protection order against him. Basically it means if there's violence or a threat of violence then a court order exists which compels him to be arrested.
Sometimes the threat alone is enough to keep people in line.
Speak to the court clerk they will explain exactly what you have to do.

r93kaey5p2izun

OP I have no useful advice for you but want to offer my sympathy and let you know that you are certainly not the only one in this situation. My brother sounds very similar, is in his early 30s and lives with my pensioner parents. The situation is a living nightmare.

Unfortunately I can't say anything positive to advise you as my experience is that ultimately there is no help for families of the mentally ill who refuse to engage with treatment. The only option is kicking them out and each family woulld have to decide if they could live with the consequences of that decision and must assess how they think it would be likely to pan out.

We have been down the road of GPs, gardai, safety orders, involuntary detention in hospital and removal from the home. Nothing has helped and he ended up homeless when not living here. My experience is that society, public services etc doesn't want to know and in fact fully expect families to bear the brunt of this issue while offering little meaningful support.

I hope you make better progress and certainly you should explore all avenues suggested. I am very interested to see if anyone has any new advice or stories of success as I am also willing to try anything.